Part 23 (2/2)
She rubbed her arms as if she were cold. ”What have I seen about him to make me think such a thing?”
”Hai, Kami.” He started to reach for her, to offer comfort, but she shook her head. She loved him for his concern, but she feared to accept it. Taking shelter from the pain now would only make her responsibilities that much harder to face when that shelter was gone.
Maxard had caught her off-guard with his insight into her relations.h.i.+p with Jax. Her uncle had always claimed he delayed her merger to give her experience at governing, lest Ironbridge be tempted to take advantage of a child bride. Now she wondered if Maxard had a better idea than he let on about the life she faced with Jax. As an adult she had more emotional resources to deal with Jax's temper.
But Maxard hadn't guessed the whole of it. Last year, in Ironbridge, she had enraged Jax when she visited the city outside his fortress without his permission. Nor had that been the first time she bore the brunt of his temper. Most people saw him as the strong, inspired leader who had built Ironbridge into a great power. Kamoj also knew his other side, the Jax who would make Lyode and Gallium pay for defying him. The only difference was that in this case he would have a stagman mete out the punishment rather than taking care of it himself, as he did in private with Kamoj, when he used his hands or riding quirt against her.
In her childhood, he had never touched her in anger, instead using censure or cold silence to reproach behaviors that offended him. But since she had become an adult, his temper had turned physical. She had never told Maxard, knowing it would drive her uncle to break the betrothal no matter what price it cost Argali. She could never set her personal situation before the survival of her people.
Gentle one moment, violent the next, Jax kept her on the edge between love and hatred. She dreaded hisrage, savored his wisdom, feared his cruelty, longed for his mercurial tenderness, resented his need to control, and admired his remarkable intellect. But beyond her conflicted emotions, she knew one fact: Argali needed him. Her loyalty and love for her people came first, above all else, including her personal happiness. So she had learned to cope with Jax. The situation wasn't perfect, but it wouldwork .
Lionstar threatened that careful balance like a plow tearing up their world.
”Can you talk to Jax?” she asked. ”Mollify him? Maybe you can keep him from hurting them.”
”I'll do what I can.” He watched her, his dark eyes filled with concern. ”This will work out, Kami.”
”Yes. It will.” She wished she believed those comforting words.
After she left her uncle, she walked through the house, down halls paneled in tanglebirch, then up to a second floor balcony. At the top of the stairs, she gazed out over the foyer below, treasuring the sight of this home where she had lived all her life-the home she might soon leave. The entrance to the living room arched to the right. A chandelier hung from the room's ceiling like an inverted rose aglow with candles. It reflected in a polished table, drawing blue scale-gleams from the wood. Near the table, a light panel glowed in the wall, the last working one in all the Northern Lands.
Regret and longing for all that her people had lost washed over Kamoj. When that panel failed, a thousand new light threads would do no good. Even Opter Sunsmith couldn't fix a broken panel. The knowledge had been lost long ago, even from the Sunsmith line.
Kamoj walked along the balcony to her room. Candlelight filled the chamber, welcoming her. It glowed on the parquetry floors, worn furniture, and her old doll collection on the table, which she kept in memory of her mother, who had given her the beloved toys. Her bed stood in a corner, each of its four posts a totem of rose blossoms and fruits, ending at the top with a closed bud.
A voice spoke behind her. ”Ev'ning, ma'am.”
She turned to see Ixima Ironbridge, a young woman with a smudge of flour on one cheek. Jax had sent the Ironbridge maize-girl to Argali last year, so Kamoj could get to know her. That way, whenever Kamoj traveled to Ironbridge, she would bring a familiar face with her, someone who already knew the province and could help Kamoj feel more at home. The thoughtful gesture had both touched and confused Kamoj. How could Jax be so considerate one moment and so harsh the next?
Ixima spoke in her Ironbridge dialect. ”Shall I be a'helpin' you change, ma'am?”
”Thank you.” Kamoj sat tiredly on her bed.
Ixima slid off the boot and peeled away the sock. Kamoj winced as the cloth ripped away from her toes.
The gouge must have bled and then dried her sock to her skin. Lifting her foot, she saw dirt in the cut.
”We better clean it.”
The maize-girl tilted her head, considering Kamoj's foot. ”I donnee see how a'rubbin' it would help. You rest, hai, ma'am? Tomorrow it be feeling better enough to scrub.”
Her lack of knowledge troubled Kamoj. Dirty wounds festered. Nor was Ixima the only person she had known to make mistakes on health matters. She thought of asking the healer in the village about setting up a program to educate people. He was already overworked, and she hated to add to his load, but in the long run this might help ease his burden.
”We must treat it now.” Kamoj kept her voice kind so Ixima didn't take it as a rebuke.The maize-girl fetched a bowl of warm water and soap. While she cleaned Kamoj's foot, Kamoj leaned against the bed post, struggling to stay awake. After Ixima helped her prepare for sleep, Kamoj settled in bed. The maize-girl darkened the room and left quietly, leaving one candle flickering on the windowsill.
Kamoj lay on her back, her hands behind her head, staring at the ceiling. She would always remember the first time she had met Jax, not long after her parents had died. Tall and powerful, his mail gleaming, his handsome face kind, he had knelt to speak to her, bringing his eyes level with her own. He had seemed like an enchanted hero then, a s.h.i.+ning savior come to rescue Argali. Over the years she had learned the truth, that under the hero's exterior burned a complicated, violent man whose clenched need to control contaminated his many good qualities.
If she refused the Lionstar merger, it would placate Jax but break the law. If Argali and Ironbridge combined forces, they could raise an army almost equal to that of Lionstar. But if Lionstar attacked, Kamoj would have to send people she loved into a rite of combat. A good chance existed they wouldn't come home. Lionstar might slaughter them; neither Ironbridge nor Argali had ever ridden into battle.
Kamoj knew what she had to do. As she made her decision, she felt as if a door closed. She had no way to predict what would happen in a Lionstar merger, but he had made it clear he could support her province. If she turned him down, the people and realm she loved could suffer, perhaps even die, at his whim.
Never again would Jax raise his hand or whip to her person. Never again would he use the survival of Argali as a weapon against her. It was a bitter victory, given what she had seen of Lionstar, but it was all she had.
3.
LIONSTAR.
Second Scattering Channel Kamoj squinted at the mirror while the threadwoman fussed over her clothes. All this attention disconcerted her. She never dressed this way, in such formal garments. Leggings and a farm tunic were much more her preference, or a farm dress for more festive occasions. However, today was her wedding, and at one's wedding one wore a wedding dress no matter how dour the bride felt about that incipient marital status.
Despite everything, Kamoj treasured this dress. Knowing her mother and grandmother had worn it at their weddings made her feel close to them. Dyed the blush color of an Argali rose, it fit snug around her torso and fell to the floor in drapes of rose-scale satin. Lace bordered the neckline and sleeves, and her hair fell in glossy black curls to her waist. The Argali Jewels glittered at her throat, wrists, and ankles, gold chains designed like vines and inset with ruby roses.
With tugs and taps, the aged threadwoman tightened the dress at the waist and tried to make it stretch over Kamoj's b.r.e.a.s.t.s. She cackled at her reluctant model, her eyes almost lost in their nest of lines.
”You've no boy's shape, Gov'ner. You be making Lionstar a happy man, I reckon.”
Kamoj glowered at her, but the seamstress was saved from her retort by a knock on the door. Kamoj limped across the room in her unfamiliar shoes, heeled slippers sheathed in rose scale-leather. She opened the door to see Lyode.
Her bodyguard beamed. ”Hai, Kamoj! You look lovely.””It's for my wedding.” She wondered what Lionstar would do if she showed up in a flour sack. Go away maybe. Then again, he was so odd he might like it.
Her guardian's enthusiasm waned. ”Yes. Maxard told me.”
Lyode's presence offered a welcome respite from all these wedding preparations. Kamoj dismissed the seamstress, then drew Lyode over to sit with her on the sofa. The older woman started to lean back, then jerked when her shoulders touched the cus.h.i.+ons and sat forward again. Watching her, Kamoj felt another surge of anger at Jax, that he inflicted pain on the people she loved because they sought to protect her from his anger.
”You've huge bags under your eyes,” Kamoj said.
”I had-a little trouble sleeping last night.”
Kamoj wasn't fooled. It dismayed her to see Lyode's discomfort. But Maxard must have mollified Jax to some extent; otherwise Lyode wouldn't be able to move. ”I'm so sorry.”
The archer laid her hand on Kamoj's arm. ”It's isn't your fault.”
Isn't it?At times like this Kamoj felt trapped. ”How is Gallium?”
Lyode spoke gently. ”He's all right, Kami. We both are.”
Kamoj crumpled her skirt in her fists. ”I hate that all this has happened.”
”Hate is a strong word. Give Lionstar a chance.”
”I tell myself it will work out for the best. But after all we've heard about him-” She stopped, unable to voice her fears, as if saying them aloud would make real the tales of sorcery and dread that surrounded him.
”You've a kind heart,” Lyode said. ”He would be blind not to see that.”
”Lyode-”
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