Volume 5 Chapter 2.3 (2/2)

「…What is it?」

「Um… Well…」

「Spell it out, what is it?」

It was his usual voice. His cold voice, sounding as if he tried to push you away or to bluntly refuse you. It looked like nothing changed and everything was as usual, but strangely I couldn’t say anything. Naturally, there were things I wanted to say but even though I opened my mouth, nothing but air escaped them. I couldn’t utter a single syllable.

Of course he noticed the strange state I was in, got up and peered into my eyes.

「Filmina? What’s wrong?!」

Without realizing it, I fell into his arms. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, and hugged him with all the strength I had. He gasped trying to catch his breath and as I looked up to examine his face, I saw his sunrise colored eyes opened wide in surprise. I was starting to feel a bit embarrassed and self-conscious, but regardless I didn’t pull myself away from him. And while I held him and looked into his eyes, I finally found my voice and one by one I formed the words. I spoke as if to an infant.

「Edi, please, please, don’t forget that I am by your side. Remember that you have me, and Uncle Lancent, and Yuli, and the whole Adina family…!」

I wasn’t able to end the sentence. The man tightened his embrace and hugged me with all his might. I was buried into his arms to the point where I couldn’t move anymore. I wanted to see his facial expressions so much, but I know he wouldn’t forgive me if I looked.

「Yeah. I understand.」

With his face close, he whispered into my ear.

「I understand it well.」

He said it as if it wanting to let me know it was the most natural and obvious thing in the world. Still, he didn’t let me see his face. I wanted to say that he should let me see him while speaking such words, but for some reason I hesitated. I didn’t say anything. There were other things I wanted to say, but the only thing I could do was caress his back. It’s not like I wasn’t happy with him saying contently 「I know.」. But he didn’t get one thing. There was a difference between 「I understand.」and 「I know.」1 And he didn’t get how big a difference it made. He had lived this way until now. When at that moment I realized that, I felt helpless and my heart became full of terrible sadness and loneliness.

I wondered what will that boy, claiming to be my husband’s 「younger brother」, bring to our lives from now on? That beautiful boy, that looked just like Edi. Who was not intimidated by him, like others. And who called him 「older brother」with such overwhelming affection, it was almost too much. I wondered…

I still didn’t understand many things, but I could say this one thing with certainty. I wished with all my might that he would not snatch that man away from me. Tightly held in my husband’s arms, I couldn’t help but pray for that to the Goddess in heaven.