Volume 4 Chapter 12 Part 3 (2/2)

I had a dream.

***

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

It’s unforgivable. Unforgivable. Unforgivable.

I won’t forgive you for feeding me with such hopeful thoughts.

I want you to suffer.

Even if you felt loneliness for eternity, it wouldn’t even come near to the pain and sadness I felt.

Suffer. Suffer. I want you to suffer.

And then think about it.

About how much I loved you.

And then suffer again.

About how much you made me love you.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

I won’t forgive it. I won’t. I won’t.

Hate me. And never forget.

…but…

But – that’s right…

If someone who loved you more than me, and was loved by you, ever appeared…

If such a time came…

Then, and only then…

***

I felt a warm teardrop running down smoothly from the corner of my eye. I wondered, whose tear could it be, was it mine? I thought I might have had a dream but I couldn’t remember what it was about. I could only recall the overwhelming sadness. The pure sadness that was slowly filling my chest.

I tried to shake off this feeling so I blinked and opened my eyes wide. “Blink. Blink.” I was looking at the ceiling. I was already sick of this sight. Huh? My body felt light. My weariness and sense of fatigue wasn’t completely gone, but it was considerably smaller than in the height of my illness. Hm, maybe it will work. I felt motivated to try and get up, before I could only do it with the help of the boy.

…It hurt.

Every muscle in my body seemed to scream at every single move I made. Regardless, I somehow managed to sit up. I hadn’t removed the towel from my forehead, so it was now lukewarm and it dropped onto my knees.

「…Yes!」

I announced my triumph. I put both my hands on my knees and tried to clench and unclench my fists for a few times. Yes. Before now every time after I woke up, I didn’t use to have any strength. Now I had enough of it to make a firm and proper fist. I felt I could win a rock-paper-scissors game with anybody right now. I might be reminded that there’s also ‘scissors’ in the game, but it would simply have to be ignored.

Fufufu, I was feeling incredibly cheerful. I thought how I’d love to take a bath. Was it thanks to the boy, whom I had finally managed to see before I slept last time? No, no. More than that, it was thanks to his efforts.

Oh? … Speaking of, where is he… I looked around the bedroom and as I was doing it, the door opened quietly. I instinctively looked in that direction. Sure thing, my eyes met with his sunrise colored ones.

「Filmina!」

A bowl fell from his hands. With a splash the ice cold water spilled all over the floor and in a blink of an eye the boy rushed to my side.

「Don’t! You must rest properly or you’ll get worse!」

「Ah, but since you gave me the medicine, I won’t get worse.」

「Huh?」

He blinked his big eyes in surprise. Looking at this face made me laugh.

「It seems like I’m cured. Edi, it’s all thanks to you.」

To show him that I feel fine I bent my arm to show my muscles… and I failed. I didn’t have any muscles to boast about, so it was just a pose. He stared at me blinking his sunrise colored eyes, and suddenly his sweet and beautiful face contorted.

「!」

He vigorously hugged me, hiding his face at the back of my neck. Frankly he was hurting me but I didn’t pull him away, but instead wrapped my arms around him. Slowly I regained more energy and hugged him tightly. Embracing him closely made me the happiest I’ve been for a long time.

「…Edi? Are you crying?」

「No, I’m n-not.」

「Is that so?」

I continued to embrace him with a peaceful mind and laughed again. He seems not to be upfront with his feelings but in actuality, deep inside he is an easy to understand, sweet boy. I went on, pretending not to have felt the back of my neck getting wet. With his face buried in my nape, he murmured something I didn’t catch.

***

A little bit more. A little. Just a little more.