Chapter 36 - Volume 2 (2/2)

So this is something I had no way of knowing, as I haven’t visited him since I bumped into Lunamerie, wow. So she visits him frequently, does she? Could that possibly be the reason that man’s coming home even later these days? If that’s why he’s started repeatedly telling me 「Go to sleep earlier,」 these days, that’s oh so kind of him. It would be an unbelievable misunderstanding if I actually was glad over him caring for me like this.

Just what am I to that man? I want to go ahead and ask him that already. It’s my weakness to think about it without actually doing it. Even though I wasn’t like this before, ever since I started seeing that nightmare, this inerasable anxiety contained in my chest has made me stop in my tracks.

That man doesn’t say anything. I don’t say anything either. Or, rather, I can’t say anything. Has nothing changed from before we got married? But I just don’t have any way of breaking down this present situation.

Reflected in the calm surface of the black tea is me, with the smile mask I inherited from my father. I think that face, coated in makeup, is rather well-balanced if I do say so myself. But soon, just hiding it with makeup may become my limit. The nightmare I see every night is becoming crueler by the day, and my complexion is becoming worse because of it.

God, this unforgivable lack of sleep. This morning, there were finally eye-bags under my eyes. I’ve managed to hide it by mixing various kinds of powder and putting it on, but I can’t put on makeup any heavier than this. Too much makeup is bad for the skin. As if I’m going to stand suddenly losing this natural skin I got from years of grooming just like that.

「——Lady Filmina, what do you think?」

「Huh?」

A voice interrupts my thoughts as I sit with my head looking down; I raise my head. My friends’ gazes have all gathered on me without me realizing it. I blink in surprise. The organizer of this tea party, the young woman who is my oldest friend, laughs refreshingly.

「Oh come on, what’s the matter, Lady Filmina? It’s about Sir Agedilus and Lady Lunamerie.」

「Ah, yes, I’m sorry. This tea was just very delicious……」

「Oh my, to be told that by Lady Filmina! I absolutely have to praise my maid afterwards.」

She knows I make my own tea. By all rights, if one is a young daughter of a noble family, it’s something your lady attendant would make for you as she said. The typical nobles would scowl at it. But she was the kind of person that had smiled and said, 「Isn’t that alright, as long as it tastes good?」 She’s the so-called gourmet kind of person; my way of making tea that she praised was actually taught to me by that man. You could say it’s rather ironic in this situation.

I put on my smile mask at the question my beloved friend asks me, opening my mouth.

「I think they’re both well-suited for each other.」

‘Much more than I am for him. Much, much more.’ Saying that in my heart, I bring the black tea to my mouth once again.