Chapter 4.1 - Volume 1 (2/2)

「I’m sor—」

「Don’t apologize.」

I didn’t want him to apologize, that was no joke. After all, I was the one who had to apologize, right?

「I’m sorry, Edi. Would you still play with me again, I wonder?」

「…….Why?」

His voice trembled. Why was he asking that? His eyes asked the question even more than his voice. I don’t know what 「why」 that 「why」 was about, but I’d already decided my response.

「Why, it doesn’t matter. I like you.」

If I hadn’t said that, there’s no way things would have led to this. There’s no way we would have spent two years together.

Two years. It was two years. That wasn’t a particularly long time, but on the other hand, it wasn’t short either. In that two years, I’d come to realize that boy was not an angel or a fairy in personality like his looks suggested.

At the beginning of course, his emotions were undeveloped or something; with his blank face, I couldn’t tell at all what he was thinking.

But slowly, very slowly but surely, his expressions began to change. Then, he started revealing his smile sometimes.

It was a smile as slight as the morning dew that falls from green leaves, but it was still a smile. He had begun to smile in front of me. Yes, for example if I made a mistake while reading a magical book. Or if I got the hem of my dress stuck somewhere and tripped.

——Aah, he wasn’t cute. In fact, looking back on it, he wasn’t cute at all.

Damn it, just what is funny about people making mistakes? I don’t know if it’s because of him not being brought up properly, or if it’s just the way he is naturally, but the truth is his personality was not cute in the slightest.

Now that I think about it, that’s right. Since then there were only snapshots of the man he was. There was nothing childlike about him, he was growing up.

…….No, he wasn’t 『growing』 up. He was already a grown up. At just the age of 9, he had definitely always been more grown up than me.

He would never say anything that would reveal his real motives to anyone, let alone complain or be selfish like a child. He was that kind of child. And even that child was so… So desperate now. That was the biggest reason I said that.

「Filmina, is this okay with you?」

「It’s okay. Hey, Edi, would you play with me again?」

I smiled. With all my stubbornness and my willpower, I smiled. Smiling while bearing that much pain is unbecoming, but I still smiled.

And then as I lost consciousness, the last thing I saw was his face, definitely about to cry, lips forming the words 「Of course.」

I passed out at the Lancent Estate, and woke up once again on my bed in my room in the Adina Estate.

My parents and wet nurse scolded me a lot, saying they’d told me not to overwork myself. Even my usually quiet mother narrowed her droopy eyes, saying, 「Shall I tie you to this bed?」 like a queen in some movie.

A week passed in bed like that, and I was finally allowed to get out of bed. It was the day that boy was going to the Academy of Magic.

In the end, him going to the Academy of Magic was an already settled decision that was going to be made whether he discussed it with me or not. He just got in a little earlier than expected, that’s all. So my attack at the Lancent Estate was just jumping to conclusions, but in any case, I wanted to make it all alright in the end. Because the Gate of the Celestial Rock Cave had opened, and out came not the sun goddess but a night fairy.

I went to the Lancent Estate with my parents and brother to see him off. He looked right at me with his sunset-colored eyes and said, 「Filmina.」

「What is it?」

「Would you wait for me?」

「Yes, of course.」

At that time, I believed he would come back to the Lancent Estate on vacation. So he would only be gone for some months — a long time for a 9-year-old, but I was around 40 on the inside. It wasn’t a long time so it wasn’t like I’d forget him, and I nodded.

Uncle Lancent looked happy, nodding as he stood beside him. My father looked like the world was about to end, and my mother consoled him, and my brother made sleeping noises holding onto my mother’s arm.

And then he left for the Academy of Magic. I was told he got the highest marks and was the youngest student there.

Well then, you must have understood by now. I myself didn’t realize it, but at that time, I had just gotten engaged to that boy — that man.

I had absolutely no intention of that when I nodded. There was no way I would have said that line to him, a 9-year-old, with that intention. But I should have realized the double-meaning even before having to think about it. If I’d understood what he meant then, I would never have nodded. I was mistaken here once again.

In noble society, it’s not unusual for children younger than 10 to be engaged. Political marriages for the sake of convenience are the norm. And even before I was 9, I understood that our Adina family, being special in holding the position of Governor of Magical Books, decided on partners early.

To put it clearly, the Adina family had a superior rank. An aristocratic family that wasn’t too showy, didn’t do any reckless things to put itself in ruin, didn’t directly influence politics but instead promised a steady position.

I was the firstborn daughter of that family. Of course, a very valuable item. That was why the children of noble families would visit, the boys randomly clinging to me and the girls to my brother.

But now, it was judged that the burn marks on my back would never be improved by medical technology or healing magic — and in fact, I still have them. In this country where magic is greatly used and is made a part of real life, this country that considers spirits very important, receiving burns from a spirit is generally frowned upon. It might have been okay if it was a low-ranking spirit that left a wound that could be healed, but it was all the more worse for me who had wounds from a grand spirit with its own name. There was no one whimsical enough to like me by choice and want to take me as their bride.

My popular life ended there, full stop. Instead of that, that boy with beauty like a night fairy became my fiance.

Although I bore scars on my back that would never go away, I had at the same time placed a heavy cross of responsibility on that boy’s back too.

TL Note: The Gate of the Celestial Rock Cave is a myth in Japanese folklore. The sun goddess Amaterasu was driven into a cave, spreading darkness over the land. The other gods had a party outside to lure her out; one of the goddesses danced naked, eliciting laughter from the other gods, which made Amaterasu finally come out to see what was happening. ↩