Part 94 (1/2)
”Would you have remembered to feed her? Her water dish was empty.”
”d.a.m.n it.” Okay, he sucked, right at the moment. ”It won't happen again. I was-”
”Caught up,” she finished. ”So you forgot to water and walk your dog, forgot to eat. I imagine you didn't write. Instead, you spent all your time and energy on murders and treasure.”
And d.a.m.ned if he'd apologize for that part. ”I need answers, Abra. I thought you wanted them, too.”
”I do.” She searched for calm as he thrilled the dog with another toss. ”I do, Eli, but not at the expense of you, not if it costs you what you've rebuilt in yourself.”
”That's not what this is. It's one afternoon, for Christ's sake. One where all kinds of doors opened up into areas I need to explore. Because rebuilding isn't enough if you don't know.”
”I understand. I do. And maybe I'm overreacting, except about the dog, because there's just no excuse.”
”How c.r.a.ppy do you want me to feel?”
She considered it, considered him. Considered Barbie. ”Pretty c.r.a.ppy about the dog.”
”Mission accomplished.”
With a sigh, she slipped out of her shoes, rolled her pants to her knees to wade into the surf.
”I care about you. So much. It's a problem for me, Eli, caring so much for you.”
”Why?”
”It's easier just to live my life. You've had experience there,” she added, pus.h.i.+ng her hair out of her face when the wind carried it. ”It's easier just to live your life than to take that step again, that risk again. And it's scary when you can't seem to stop yourself from taking the step. I can't seem to stop myself.”
The turn of conversation left him baffled, and a little uneasy. ”You matter to me more than I thought anyone would, or could, again. It is a little scary.”
”I'm not sure either of us would've felt this way if we'd met a few years ago. If we'd been the people we were then. You pulled yourself out of a pit, Eli.”
”I had help.”
”I don't think people take help unless they're ready for it, whether they know it or not. You were ready for it. It hurts my heart to remember how sad and tired and dark you were when you first came back to Whiskey Beach. It would break it to see you that way again.”
”That's not happening.”
”I want you to have your answers. I want them, too. I just don't want them to be something that sends you back into that pit, or that puts you on the other side of it, that changes you back into someone I don't know. It's selfish, but I want who you are now.”
”Okay. Okay.” He took a moment to line up his thoughts. ”This is who I am, and who I am forgets things, gets caught up and is learning to like having someone remind him not to. I'm not that different from who I was before all this happened. But what happened focused me. I don't want to be a problem for you, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm where I want to be. That's one answer I'm sure of.”
She pushed at her hair again, angled her head. ”Get rid of a tie.”
”What?”
”Get rid of a tie. One tie, your choice. And let me read one scene of the book. One, again your choice. Symbolism. Throwing out something from before, offering me something from now.”