Part 3 (1/2)
”Yes, you do. People always have choices. And you're making this one.”
”Okay,” agreed Mom. ”Maybe you're right. But I think it's the best choice.”
”How can it be the best choice when it hurts so much?”
Jeff was looking back and forth from Mom to me as we spoke. He looked like he was watching a game of Ping-Pong.
”Right choices aren't necessarily easy ones,” Mom countered.
”They should be,” I said crossly.
”I'm sorry, honey.”
I paused.
Jeff looked at me. ”Your turn,” he said. He smiled, but I didn't smile back. Nevertheless, Jeff couldn't contain himself anymore. He leaped off the couch. He kissed my mother. He went jumping around the room. ”All right! All right!” he kept shrieking. ”Thanks, Mom! Just think - no more Ms. Besser, no more Jerry Haney, no more fights or trouble or homesickness.”
”Thanks a lot,” I said to him.
”What do you mean?”
”You won't be homesick for us? You mean that when you're in California you won't miss us anymore? That's nice, Jeff. That's real nice. You are so, so thoughtful.” I bit my lip to keep from crying.
”Aw, come on, Dawn. Can't you be happy for me?”
”No!”
”Dawn, try to understand - ” my mom began, but I cut her off.
”I understand plenty. Jeff can't wait to get out of here. He can't wait to leave us behind -”
”It's not that,” Jeff broke in. ”That's not true at all. It's just that nothing's working out. I don't belong here.”
”You don't belong with your own mother and sister?” I asked incredulously.
”I belong with Dad, too,” he replied. Then he grinned. ”I gotta call the Pike triplets. They won't believe this. And then, Mom, can I call Jason?” (Jason is one of Jeff s California friends.) ”Sure,” replied Mom.
I threw myself against the cus.h.i.+ons of the couch and sulked. I felt guilty. I felt guilty because there I was, making a fuss over Jeff's leaving, when I wouldn't have minded going right along with him. He wasn't the only one who missed Dad. I did, too. And I missed my friend Sunny, and I missed the kids I used to baby-sit for. Face it. I wanted to go back to California, too. But I wouldn't leave Mom. No way. We were much too close for that. Besides, I liked Stoneybrook, too. Even in the middle of the freezing cold, snowy, icy winter, I liked Stoneybrook. What I wished was that we hadn't moved at all. Then I wouldn't feel so confused.
”Dawn?” said Mom gently.
”Yeah?”
”I know you're upset. This must be tough on you. It's more than just the fact that Jeff's leaving, isn't it?”
I nodded. ”I miss California, too - Oh, but I want to stay here,” I a.s.sured her. ”But I do miss Dad and Sunny and good old Vista. . . .
Mom, don't you feel hurt that Jeff is so excited about leaving us?”
”I don't think he's so much excited about leaving us as he is about getting back to California. He's relieved to be leaving Connecticut behind. That's not quite the same as wanting to leave us.”
”I guess not.”
Mom sat down next to me and pulled me to her. She stroked my hair. ”I've told you this before, sweetie. Jeff will miss us. Once he's back in California he'll miss us. And he'll want to visit us. But I don't think he'll want to live with us. His experience here has not been good. And that wasn't our fault and we can't change what's happened.”
”I know,” I said finally. ”I guess I'm just . . . sad. I wish there were some way to keep him here.”
”Oh, we could keep him here, all right,” Mom told me, ”but it would be like keeping a wild bird in a cage. Unfair. And the bird would be unhappy. Do you understand?”
”Yes,” I replied. ”I don't like it, but I understand.”
Mom kissed me on the forehead. ”We're going to be fine, you and I,” she said. ”You were my first baby, my special girl.”
”Sometimes,” I said, ”I feel more like your sister than your daughter.”
”Funny. I feel more like your sister than your mother.”
We smiled ruefully at each other.
”I think I'll go to my room,” I said.
Mom nodded.
”On second thought, I'll go to your room. If Jeff's off the phone can I call Mary Anne?”
”Of course.”
In Mom's room I dialed Mary Anne's number. I hoped she would keep her head when I gave her the awful news. Mary Anne cries so easily that sometimes you wind up comforting her when it should be the other way around.
But Mary Anne was great. She said she knew how awful I must feel. She said the arrangement stank. She said Jeff was being selfish. Her voice only wobbled once.
When I got off the phone I went to my room and closed the door. I flopped on my bed. I began to cry, but before I really let go, I hastily wiped my tears away.
I started to think about Claire and Margo and the pageant instead. I was supposed to work with them the next day. I wondered what they could do. Sing? Claire knew her brother Nicky's silly song about jingle bells and Batman smelling, but I wasn't sure what else. Margo was hopelessly uncoordinated, so dancing and baton-twirling were out of the question. She could stand on her head, but that probably didn't qualify as talent. Maybe I could teach her a song on the piano. (The Pikes have a grand piano.) And maybe Claire knew some other songs. I hoped so. I would find out the very next day.
Chapter 6.
I went over to the Pikes' house right after school. Just to refresh your memory, the eight kids are: Mallory (eleven); Adam, Jordan, and Byron (the ten-year-old triplets); Vanessa (nine); Nicky (eight); Margo (seven); and Claire (five). There are very few rules at the Pikes', but one is that if more than five of the kids are at home when the parents are out, then two sitters must be there. On that day, Mr. Pike was at work (he's a lawyer for some company), and Mrs. Pike was busy with her library project. Since the triplets had stayed at Stoneybrook Elementary for after-school sports, and I was going to be working with Claire and Margo, Mallory was left alone in charge of the remaining two kids - Vanessa and Nicky. She was already on duty by the time I got there, having rushed home from school so that her mother could get going.
Claire and Margo greeted me at the door in great excitement.
”Hi!” cried Claire. ”Hi, Dawn-silly-billy-goo-goo!” (Claire can be very silly at times. It's a phase she's going through.) ”Are you here to help us?” asked Margo, jumping up and down. ”With the pageant, I mean? We can't wait!”
”We love to get dressed up!” added Claire.
”Hey, Claire! Margo!” I could hear Mallory call. ”Let Dawn in, for heaven's sake. She can't help you if you leave her standing outside.”