Part 14 (1/2)

time.

Ha!

N/A.

Negative-you even dream about working.

Who knows?

20.

You've lost your Half a day watch.

Unless your spouse is a medical professional, 18

36.

you consider leaving them to marry one.

You start hearing the Happy Birthday song in 3X 4X.

your sleep.

When you see anyone, you just nod your head y x 2(A + B + C).

2[(A + B) (C y)]n and act like you know them.

11 (like in This This You need a You need a You turn off your hearing aid.

is Spinal Tap) hearing aid.

6.

8.

You consider investing in dairy stocks.

You have to You have to wait wait for a You don't go out.

for a bigger table.

bigger table.

5 plane tickets, 6 plane tickets, 1 very cramped 2 hotel rooms, 2 You are broke, having spent all your money on hotel room, 2 cabs . . . time to the previous vacation.

cabs, mini-van rent a bus rental Bribery Weddings and Not ever required funerals only 198.

Going from One to Two: You Never Stop Moving In hindsight, taking care of one child was a hobby. Most people told us they'd found the transition from one to two kids a painfully diffi cult one. In hindsight, taking care of one child was a hobby. Most people told us they'd found the transition from one to two kids a painfully diffi cult one.

Everything suddenly turned into a production: getting everyone dressed and out the door is h.e.l.lacious; juggling nap, feeding, and playtime schedules requires both parents to be ”on” all the time; and downtime simply evaporates.

”Going from one to two was less about culture shock, because you'd been there before. It was more about the dissolution of whatever organization you had before, the complete disappearance of any rest time/alone time, and the thinning out of communication between you and your spouse. I felt sort of robbed of my last vestiges of sanity, or of my resources to create sanity, when number two came around.”

-Margot, married 7 years, 2 kids ”We're both on all the time. Two kids require two sets of hands.

One of us feeds the baby, while the other entertains the toddler.

At some point, that toddler gives up her long afternoon nap and wants to replace it with an all-afternoon Candy Land tournament.”

-Tina, married 8 years, 2 kids (Authors' Note: A notable minority of people, like Julia, found the ramp-up an easier and more agreeable experience than they expected. Is s.p.a.c-ing a factor? Julia's first was three when she had her second. Stacie and Cathy each had barely coherent toddlers when they had a second. Our main takeaway is that it is the two-in-diapers deal that really rocks your world.) Going from Two to Three: Welcome to the Jungle ”Ha!” said those of you with three or more kids as you read that last section. You have no idea what the words ”painful transition” really mean until You have no idea what the words ”painful transition” really mean until you add a third. you add a third. Three is a whole different deal, a jungle-island, Three is a whole different deal, a jungle-island, Lord of Lord of the Flies the Flies-type of anarchy that comes from being outnumbered by a wild band of tiny people. Stacie and Ross, who have three kids under fi ve, say they feel like Jane and Tarzan, swinging from vine to vine through [image]

Ramping Up and Giving In 199.

Code-Red Chaos their house putting out fires: the teething newborn needs comforting, the two-year-old's artwork needs was.h.i.+ng off the wall, and the four-year-old needs help on the potty. You can't imagine it until you're living it. Life with three is Code Red Chaos Code Red Chaos, and it also comes with a healthy dose of social exile, just for good measure.

”When I only had two kids, I thought people with three or more seemed out of control. One of my friends was always talking about piling her three kids in the car and driving around just so she could relax. Now that I have three kids, let's just say I buy a lot of gas.”

-Suzanne, married 10 years, 3 kids ”My husband and I constantly hurl diapers, pacifi ers, blankies, and sippy cups across the house and up and down the steps. For us, parenting has become an extreme sport.”

-Diane, married 9 years, 3 kids Going for Broke: To Infinity and Beyond . . .

At this point, none of us have been brave (?) enough to go for four or more, so we were not qualified to do anything but ask the experts, ”What's it 200 200 like?” Typically, they smile stoically and say, ”It's chaos, but it's wonderful. We wouldn't have it any other way,” as they pry a toy car from their toddler's mouth, grab the baby away from the electric socket, and yell at the other two to stop fi ghting. Wonderful indeed.

”I am one of four children, and I distinctly remember going to school without underpants.”

-Cathy, married 7 years, 2 kids ”Whenever I tell people how many kids I have-I have six-I get one of two reactions. People either look at me like I am some sort of a crazy religious fanatic or like I have split the atom.

They want to know how we do it, what kind of car we drive, whether or not I work, the ages of each kid. It's hilarious.”

-Maura, married 15 years, 6 kids Life in the Family Circus The more kids you have, the bigger the production. You need more food in the fridge, more diapers changed, more bottles washed, not to mention more brain cells to keep up with the kids, naps, and c.r.a.p.

”Just last week, I forgot about our daughter's soccer game and missed the deadline to turn in the preschool registration forms.

When I try to explain myself to people, they all look at me like I'm just a train wreck.”

-Annalisa, married 12 years, 4 kids ”With three, every hour is accounted for-you even schedule play time with your youngest. You need a spreadsheet three pages long to make sure everyone gets where they need to be on time. I used to be a n.a.z.i about kids napping in their own beds.

I can't do that anymore.”