Vol 2 Chapter 7 (2/2)

She wanted him to say clearly that he wouldn’t abandon Celiastina With that, Celiastina and herself would surely be saved Certainly, it ht be painful for Celiastina when she returned, but if she had so her then she would be able to endure It was the sa for Celiastina’s return, Celiastina would be able to feel cheered up And yet

Linus did not answer

“You are too good You’re an earnest and model person I think you can be more selfish”

Linus’ s shadow fell on Yuna’s heart

The truth about Celiastina could be called nothing else but a shock

She knew that Celiastina wasn’t just a horrible person through and through, and that there was some sort of circumstance But to think that such a merciless truth had been concealed

(O’ God, why did Celiastina receive such a cruel ability?)

What was the reason for that ability Wouldn’t this power produce nothing but despair? And despair, once born, was like a chain that steadily grew It was connected so easily to a feeling of “loss” in this world Even if that poithdrawn at this point, or if things could be done over again, the hearts that were injured would continue to hold onto their unhealed pain

Yes, fro to do things over again Perhaps that hat Linus wished to say

(That ht be reasonable too)

Linus’ faint smile as he called Yuna ato the will of that strange “light” without any dissatisfaction or doubts – though she could only do that to the best of her ability – and steadily walked towards the end Had she been chosen by the “light” to be Celiastina’s substitution because she was the most suitable and convenient puppet totheir lives?

She thought she had gotten to this point on her oill But was that not the case? Had everything been arranged? For the young girl called Yuna to become Celiastina and to crawl out of her dilemma one step at a time Toquietly without a complaint

Yuna returned back the way she ca on unsteady feet

Aeneas followed several steps behind Nasha had called hi towards Linus’ room Aeneas watched Yuna with concern but he did not speak or support her body; he simply kept silent by her side

However, when Yuna was drawn into the opposite corridor to the path back to her room, Aeneas was unable to stay quiet at that point

“Lady Celiastina, where are you heading? Your room is to the left”

“Mo to”

She wanted to see Asyut again

Yuna tried to walk down the corridor calmly but in truth, even now, she wanted to scream An unrestrained whirlpool of anxiety and confusion rapidly grew larger and larger in Yuna

Celiastina had been in constant pain There was a crushi+ngly great ability in such a slender body– it was a concealed curse Hey, what should I do? Linus said that not returning ht be Celiastina’s salvation But is that true? Will Celiastina really be happy not returning? –Ah, why is there such painful things I… I… what should I do? What’s the best thing to do?

She tried throwing all her confusion at Asyut, asn’t there But, these overflowing emotions continued to well up one after another and she felt like they could escape outside at any time

“Lady Celiastina, you don’t look well”

Aeneas, who see her silently, grabbed Yuna’s right hand and forced her to stop walking Yuna’s body swayed but she only turned her head to look back at Aeneas

“I… want to see Asyut”

The instant she said that, a shadow suddenly fell over Aeneas’ face

“Could you talk toSo, please, rely on me too”

“No, I need to see Asyut It has to be Asyut”

“Why? Why ah?”

Aeneas’ right hand tightened its grip

“It’s not that you’re not good enough, Aeneas, that’s not what I–“

“To ”

Aeneas’ voice, which interrupted Yuna’s words, was heard awfully close Ah, the ht that, Aeneas had already pulled her into his arms

“Ae–“

Yuna was so surprised that she could not even call his naainst Aeneas’ shoulder His arhtly

Aeneas’ arms and chest were hard He was a man For a moment, when she are of that, Yuna became embarrassed and blood rose to her face

“Let o…”

When she begged him in a shaky voice, his shoulder jolted and stiffened At the same time, Aeneas’ ar her body back to create difference, she looked up and saw so like pain leap onto Aeneas’ expression

“I apologize……”

Aeneas murmured this lowly

“I-It’s okay”

Yuna was still unable to dispel her confusion but she felt like she had to say that, and then she shook her head aardly

“–What is going on here”

The , another voice broke in between the towards them from a corner at the end of the hall

“A-Asyut Why are you here?”

“Lady Celiastina, I heard that you went to Lord Linus I became a bit curious and came for you”

As Asyut stated that, there was a faint annoyance in his appearance

“Co after you”– she remembered Asyut’s words “I’m certain that, fro to her

Unconsciously, Yuna released a breath

“U all this way It just so happens that I was thinking of going to see you too”

And then she turned to Aeneas, trying her best to act like nothing happened

“Aeneas, I’m sorry But this is related to a personal proble up to this point”

Many excuses wanted to co she said would sound like an excuse, and he himself said that they uely the feelings that Aeneas was frustrated about However, she didn’t have the composure yet to confront Aeneas

“No, I’ize for my rudeness”

Aeneas whispered that in a quiet voice without raising his head and then, without saying anything more, turned on his heel and departed Yuna wanted to call out and stop hied to s her words As she watched Aeneas’ back like that for a while, she noticed that Asyut was looking at her instead of Aeneas, and so she hurriedly turned back to Asyut

“Well, what did you wish to speak to me about?”

“U-Umm If possible, let’s talk in a place where people won’t come I don’t really want others to hear this”

Understood, Asyut nodded, before showing slight hesitation

“How about my office then? If I send people away, then no one will enter”

“Okay Then, please excuse me”

Asyut started to walk at an easy pace Yuna, atched his back, followed after him

It wasn’t that Aeneas wasn’t enough, it was that it had to be Asyut Once again Yuna realized strongly that she felt relieved just fro behind him like this? No matter how she estiht have nothing more than a month

Like Linus said, if she was able to continue living as Celiastina in the future, would Asyut accept that? And, would he allow her to stay by his side until they grew old together?

(But, even if Asyut allowed that, would I allow that for myself?)

Her fragile heart was uncertain, like a tower built on sand As the waves continued to break along the shore, would it not collapse all too soon?

Yuna quietly stretched out her right hand to Asyut’s back

If she grabbed his clothes like this, clung onto Asyut when he turned around in surprise, and cried out that she didn’t want to think about anything anymore and just wanted to be by his side… ould he do?

(It’s another “what if” again)

Yuna’s hand cut through the air and dropped down like that –She couldn’t She mustn’t

At that moment, Asyut suddenly turned around and Yuna unconsciously curled her shoulders in

“Are you well?”

“Y-Yes”

For a h to her doubts and how she was caught by selfishness Asyut sent a concerned gaze at Yuna, who nodded i

“Let’s walk side-by-side I feel uneasy when I can’t see you”

A large hand was placed on her back very naturally Yuna’s heart quickened

“Am I that unreliable?”

Yuna tried s to hide her nervousness, but Asyut did not return the smile

“Your complexion is very bad You look like you’ll collapse at any moment”

Just when she was about to answer that she wasn’t, she tripped over an uneven place on the floor Yuna ed to hold herself up somehow, supported by Asyut who stretched out both hands without a moment’s delay

“S-Sorry”

Yuna apologized quietly in her mouth, so embarrassed that she couldn’t raise her head She was really pathetic Getting her feet tangled in front of so to cause them to worry At the very least, so that she wouldn’t have any

Supported by both of Asyut’s hands, which hadn’t left, Yuna told herself strongly that she shouldn’t be afraid of losing these hands

Asyut’s office was as neat as usual and there was nothing unnecessary in it

A ht them tea when they sat down in the sofas As Asyut told the maid to the side not to allow anyone to enter for solass to her s somewhat With this, she’d be able to talk to Asyut calmly

“Well, now that we’re here…”

Asyut, as seated facing her, opened his lass down

“Um, you see, I just spoke to Linus”

She drew in a light breath

“I asked about the reason for Celiastina’s– the past e”

Asyut’s eyes widened slightly

“Did Lord Linus say?”

“Mht to know That’s why I wanted to talk as soon as possible When I heard what he had to say, I became confused, and now I don’t knohat to do”

“……”

Asyut kept silent No, maybe he lost his words

“…… May I ask what he said”

Even then though Asyut asked in a resolute voice

Yuna nodded firain

“It’s not a complicated story, which is why it’s cruel Is what Linus said”

And it really was that, Yuna thought

“Each and every saint is granted a special ability, right? I’m not an exception either, and I have an ability bestowed by God”

“Yes, that is right, but your ability, Lady Celiastina, has never been alluded to until now for so with respect to your ability”

“I believe not many people know Even the past me didn’t seem to realize until the time I came to the royal palace In the end, maybe Linus is the only one apart fro or trusted people too”

“Is this ability connected to why you changed, Lady Celiastina?”

She could see Asyut’s clasped hands tighten

“Mm I think it had a lot of impact Because Saint’s Celiastina’s power is– to amplify the “death” of a person she has connected with”

Yuna declared this all at once and then, unable to bear it, lowered her eyes She couldn’t look at Asyut’s face directly What kind of expression would he have now that he knew the truth about the saint that he had been chasing for forever Would he be like her, who hadn’t been able to s the truth well and was dazed? Or did he lose his bearings and was feeling eer or sorroelling up inside of him?

“…… A power directed to the “death” of those she has connected with… Then, the sudden increase of suspicious deaths was due to this ability?”

At Asyut’s calm voice, which was beyond her expection, Yuna timidly raised her head But, contrary to his calm voice, there was a cohtened their grip even more

“Yes Being suddenly taken to the royal palace, I was full of anxiety, and then the people I opened up to…… Only those people died one after another, which is when I appeared to beco that I was the cause, I became desolated And then tried to keep away from people but that just escalated more and more”

She was unable to say anything about what happened later Aht by Celiastina’s vicious ways, as she became filled with a quiet madness, included Asyut himself

Linus said there was nopeople But was the truly the case? Could a reason not be found there? For exaet away from the cruel truth even for just a bit

Opening her heart, and then having her precious people – who she opened up to – being killed by her own ability Had she not been constantly pursued by this inescapable fact? Even if she tried her hardest to look away, she was unable to avoid this Like a drop of black ink on white paper, this black stain would never disappear, and instead would leap into someone’s eyes even more vividly If Celiastina had been unable to endure that black glare, and had thought to dye the entire paper pure black–

“The subject that I asked Lady Celiastina about was, evidently, a topic to be avoided with her, huh”

Perhaps he was thinking the sa, Asyut said this quietly

“It must have been a problem that she never wanted anyone to touch And that’s why she did such brutal actions, she had lost that much self-control”

Asyut’s co those days

The thing Yuna still knew nothing about; the discord between the two

“And then what did Lord Linus say?”

“Linus said…”

Yuna looked down a little and, during that ht hand At that, her body shuddered This hair and these arms were not her real body And they absolutely couldn’t be hers She mustn’t do that

“Linus said… that it ht be a choice to remain like this”

Her voice was hoarse Even this voice wasn’t her own voice

“Meaning?”

“Not re In other words, he told me to stay as the present me and think about the future”

“Lord Linus said such a thing…?”

“But I can’t do that Because this is the past Celiastina’s life I don’t have any memories of the past, so I can’t take it over I mustn’t do it I should know that in my head……”

What was she saying She couldn’t say anything more to Asyut She had to talk cals were running rampant

“And yet, I ayed by Linus’ words Linus said that, even if the past Celiastina returns, she will only be in pain That she ain from the saint’s “ability” that has calone, she won’t be able to escape the guilt of having raised a hand to innocent people…… And I hate that there’s a part of ht be the case”

Feeling like tears were about to overflow along with her words, she covered her mouth with both hands to try and resist that

“You see, it’s not that I want to take over Celiastina’s life And I don’t want anyone to approve that…… is how it should be And yet, I don’t even know about that anys I’er”

“Lady Celiastina, please calm down”

Asyut stood up and sat down beside Yuna But when he slowly rubbed her back, Yuna stiffened and could not htest bit, she felt like the feelings she was so back would become even more violent

“Lady Celiastina”

Asyut’s call hurt her ears Don’t call me by that name My name is… Yuna Not Celiastina

To say that she wasn’t taking over Celiastina’s life while screa like that in her heart… just what kind oflip service because she wanted to be a good person?

She didn’t know, she didn’t know

Burying her face into her hands, which had been covering her mouth, she felt her mind become even more disordered

She didn’t know anything anymore

She wanted todisappear And then everything could be rebuilt fro that Celiastina did, and everything that she did as Yuna, would just disappear

“You’ve really… just been suffering”

Asyut’s hand, which was covering her back, pulled her in strongly And then two arms rapped around her Yuna, as suddenly war held after a short pause

(–!!)

Reflexively, she twisted her body to leave but he was unyielding Instead, she was held even htly to the point where she could hear Asyut’s breathing by her ear

Yuna, who had been controlled by a confusion that was as thick as mud, felt like her head burst Next, a co inside of her

“U-Um… Asyut…”

Her voice rose uncontrollably Even though her bewilderh that call, Asyut placed even th in the arms that embraced Yuna

“Lady Celiastina, are you saying that when you “remember” the past, the present you will disappear?”

Yuna’s breath caught

“You’ll disappear from this world You won’t become one with the past Celiastina’s memories Exactly like the word ?”

Asyut’s breath and voice fell into Yuna’s ears

“You’re a Lady Celiastina who has lost her memories Why are you so afraid of the past Celiastina, and why are you averting your eyes from the future? To me, the future I will spend “with you” is not very visible”

The force in Asyut’s arhtly Yuna supported herself with both hands and slowly raised her upper body, which had been buried against Asyut’s chest Raising her lowered eyes, they collided with Asyut’s serious gaze

Yuna bit her lip

Could it be that Asyut was starting to realize it?

That the person here wasn’t Celiastina but a co

Was she happy? Or was she sad? In any case, she couldn’t declare her real name and that she was a separate person from Celiastina and have that be accepted If she did that, then it felt like she wouldn’t be able to backtrack at all She would be hoping that Asyut would accept her as Yuna

Shaking her head loosely, Yuna fled from Asyut’s hands She tried to pull her body away and place distance between her and Asyut, but his left hand, which was around her waist, pulled her in strongly

“I feel the same as Lord Linus If you say that you will disappear, then I want you to continue staying like this without any memories It’s because I’ve seen your earnestness, that the hate in me has calmed But, if you were to disappear–“

“Please… stop”

Yuna interrupted him and couldn’t help but bury her face into Asyut’s shoulder At that action, she was e it comfortable

Asyut was always a level and cal too calm with respect to Celiastina In order not to be crushed by his hate for Celiastina, he endeavored to control himself That’s why she had the is one step away

And that’s why, this tiht Asyut would chide her She was sure she had wanted hi okay to stay without herto run aasn’t like her

But as she thinking now that, in reality, Asyut’s words and attitude was so far from that?

Confusion, terror, and– was this not pleasure?

She hated herself tremendously

(I’m not prepared at all to return this body to Celiastina)

Yuna was hopelessly ainst Asyut’s warm chest

(…… I need to get away)

Thinking this with a numb look, Yuna twisted her body a little Finally, Asyut’s hands cah, yet not far enough, Yuna secretly released a breath

“I’hts”

Asyut gave a small shake of his head

“…… Lady Celiastina”

“Mm?”

“I’ for words from me that would sever your hesitation Perhaps I should have answered that you should recover your pastI’m certain that, more than anyone else, I’m the one who sees the past you and the present you as separate”

Asyut’s tired voice was slightly husky

“I do not seem to hate the present you However, that does not mean that the events of the past have been completely settled I can’t hide the faact that even now I hate the past Lady Celiastina But, when I aether with you, that wound doesn’t hurt as much That is all”

Therefore, Asyut hesitated before continuing

“If you were to disappear, I wouldn’t knohat to do I wonder if I can accept the ain your past memories, Lady Celiastina It is weak of me but I am still bound by the past”

Yuna kept silent and stared at Asyut That graceful face which was not turned to her right noas facing thedirectly The light that shone in made Asyut’s face stand out Was it the future or the past that spread beyond the ?

“I’m sorry”

Sighing, Yuna murmured that

“I’et about the pasthappened”

She couldn’t drea her place to walk on the path that had been prepared for her

“You don’t want to abandon the past Lady Celiastina, is what you’re saying, right?”

Abandon

That word from Asyut stabbed into Yuna’s chest plainly When Yuna asked Linus this, he didn’t say anything Linus, you aren’t going to abandon Celiastina, right? Only a shadowed siven to that question

The answer that Yuna wished for wasn’t given

“I don’t… want to abandon her”

“Even if no one is waiting eagerly for her return?”

That , what people needed ht have thought that there was no big difference as to what kind of person she was, so long as the Holy Mark was there She was sure that Celiastina had also thought that

“I don’t want to abandon her”

Right now, she wasn’t able to have a fir around her Moreover, she still didn’t know the good or bad actions that she had taken up to noever, in these past few days of chasing Celiastina’s shadow, and finally being able to understand her shape, Yuna didn’t want to look away from that

She wanted to knowher shadow, but feeling her breath She wanted to experience that Celiastina had existed here, crying at tih each day

Only that thought was certain

Asyut stared at Yuna with pursed lips He looked like he had a s he wanted to say, and Yuna knehat most of them would be about But still, no, because of that, Yuna could not say anything more than that

“…… For me, there is still a small point of interest about the past Lady Celiastina”

“Point of interest?”

“Yes”

His wandering gaze spoke of his hesitation as to whether he should talk about it or not

“While I was investigating about Lady Celiastina, I read many books about the abilities of the saints There weren’t many on her ability, which made me curious In the end, I didn’t knohat ability she held at that tiation I learned about many details of the past saints’ abilities”

The ability of a saint Yuna’s chest hurt with just that word Because that power caused the past Celiastina to walk a path of destruction

“I believe I was able to follow h the books All of theree or other, had an ability So stars, but there were also saints whose poouldn’t be noticeable in an everyday life However, aative” like Lady Celiastina’s”

Surprised, Yuna’s body stiffened She took a long hard look at Asyut’s face

“The saints’ abilities are said to be a blessing fro useful or not, at the very least there hasn’t been an abominable power that was bestowed I believe that aspect is why everyone worshi+ps the saint Because these girls have miraculous powers that ordinary people cannot attain Then, why is Lady Celiastina the only one to be granted such a dreadful power?”

Now that hethe ones that Yuna investigated, none of the saints had abilities that would be shunned by people And yet as Celiastina the only one

Linus said that she probably had it from the start That this was how a saint’s ability worked But, was that the truth?

“I just remembered Lady Celiastina is an orphan I heard that she was raised in an orphanage until she ca that it was because of the orphanage, but perhaps soe……”

Soe

Yuna kept her eyes on Asyut and blinked multiple times, overcome with surprise

There was still more

Everything hadn’t been

And if there was a reason as to why Celiastina was granted such an abominable power?

Itthere– Yuna bit her lip hard