Part 6 (1/2)

”So how about it, Katie?”

I glanced up. Simon was looking at me expectantly.

I realized that I hadn't heard anything he'd said in the last few minutes.

I blinked. ”Sorry, Simon. What did you say?”

”I said, how would you like to go ice skating with me this weekend? I thought it would be fun for you-especially since it seems to be something you're into now.”

A familiar feeling of guilt settled over me-it always seemed to come up with Simon. It was beginning to be clear that what I'd suspected earlier was true-that Simon's romantic feelings for me were returning. Perhaps they had never really left. I really liked Simon-I really cared about him. But what I felt for Simon was nothing like what I felt for William.

”What about Irina?” I asked.

At the beginning of the year, Irina had made no secret of the fact that she liked Simon. And as the weeks had gone by, she had only seemed to like him more-and she had been even more unpleasant to me than she usually was. After Irina and I had returned from Russia and our relations.h.i.+p had thawed, there had also been a warming up of the relations.h.i.+p between Irina and Simon. The two of them had seemed to be getting along well for a few weeks-they even seemed to be well on their way to becoming a couple. But lately, it seemed that they had begun to drift apart.

I drew in my breath sharply-I should have seen it before. Irina had realized that Simon was interested in me again long before I had. That's why she was angry again.

For his part, Simon ran his hand over his hair. ”Irina, yeah.”

Simon looked away. I could see that he was trying to work out what he wanted to say. I wanted to tell him that he didn't have to explain anything about Irina to me-that I would actually be really happy if he liked Irina. But I had a feeling that telling him all that wouldn't make any difference. So I waited.

Simon gave me a serious look. I was reminded suddenly of the one time we had kissed-here at school in a deserted hallway. I should have realized that his affection for me wouldn't fade so easily.

”Irina is a great girl,” Simon said at last, ”but she's not you. And I know you think you like this William guy, but Katie, I'm telling you he's not good for you.”

I realized then that Charisse and Branden had stopped talking and were watching us closely. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable. Charisse and Branden didn't know much about William, but I had an unpleasant feeling that they disapproved of him too.

Simon continued. ”I'm sorry I've spent so much time with Irina lately. As I said-she's a great girl. I like her a lot, and I wanted to like her more-mostly because it seemed to be what you wanted.”

I felt a little pang of guilt when Simon said that. I certainly hadn't meant to push Simon into a relations.h.i.+p that he didn't really want.

”But Katie, I soon realized that I could never feel anything more for Irina than friends.h.i.+p. And I also realized that it wouldn't be fair to her to pretend that it was possible for me to feel otherwise.”

I sighed. I was certainly familiar with that sentiment.

”And I have to tell you,” Simon said, ”that it's almost like you're under some kind of spell lately. Things were going great between us until this William guy showed up. And you know, I blame myself for some of this.”

”Simon, that's crazy,” I said. ”You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about-”

Simon interrupted. ”But, I do. I really do. I was hanging out with Irina, but the whole time I was worried about you. I knew that you were in trouble with this-this William, and I did nothing. You needed me, and I wasn't there. And now you're in over your head with some shady guy from who knows where. I've failed you, Katie. And I'm sorry about that.”

”Simon, you've got this all wrong,” I said ”I don't want to hurt you, but I'm really happy with William-no one could make me happier.”

Simon gave me a skeptical look. Then he shook his head and smiled.

”Okay, Katie. I'll humor you. For now.”

I looked around at Charisse and Branden. Both of them were staring at me, clearly concerned.

”So what about you guys?” I asked, though I feared I knew the answer. ”What do you think about William and me?”

Branden looked away.

Charisse pursed her lips. She started to say something, then stopped. She was silent for a moment, and then her words started to tumble out.

”Katie, as much as I hate to say it, your situation is reminding me of my mom's. I wanted to say something before, but I couldn't. Some guy breezes into town out of nowhere and suddenly the two of you can't be separated. You don't spend time with your friends like you used to, and you seem to be in a dreamy fog all the time. And Katie, to be honest the few times I've been around William, I've gotten a really funny feeling around him. It's a lot like the feeling I have around my mom's new boyfriend. I think William is trouble too.”

”What can I do to rea.s.sure you guys that everything is okay?” I asked.

”Listen to your friends,” Charisse said quickly. ”Listen to the people who care the most about you.”

I felt frustration welling up within me. That was not the kind of answer I wanted.

I looked around at the three sets of worried eyes that were turned toward me. ”Can we change the topic, please?”

All three sets of eyes wavered-I saw disappointment and fear flash across the faces that were turned toward me. Charisse, Branden, and Simon all became carefully polite, even conciliatory.

”Yeah, sure, of course,” Branden said.

”If that's what you want, Katie,” Simon said.

”Don't get angry, Katie. We're just trying to look out for you,” Charisse said.

But I was angry with all of them. William was different, and he couldn't settle into the normal patterns of the community for very good reasons-reasons I could never explain to them. I supposed that if the situation were reversed and one of them was seeing someone who seemed mysterious-and possibly dangerous-that I would be concerned, too. They were only being so pushy because they cared about me.

I told myself to be calm.

”I appreciate your concern, I really do,” I said. ”You'll all just have to trust me on this one.”

In return I received three nods and three polite smiles. But I had a feeling this argument was far from over.

The rest of lunch was rather strained as we all made small talk, and I was relieved when the bell rang.

We all got up, and Branden and Charisse headed off together, like they usually did. I turned to say good-bye to Simon, but instead of turning toward his hallway, he moved to follow me.

”I'll walk you to cla.s.s,” he said.

I stopped and stood still, even though doing so meant that I was blocking other people who were trying to exit the cafeteria.

Simon stopped then, too, making the problem worse.

”Simon-” I began. I was suddenly nervous. I didn't want Simon following me. I was still waiting for William to show up, and I didn't want him to step out of the shadows when I was with Simon. Simon, though he pretended otherwise, still seemed pretty worked up. I feared what would happen if he saw William. I didn't want a confrontation-especially not at school.

”Out of the way!” someone shouted.

Simon and I drew apart from the stream of traffic and stood by the wall.