Volume Iv Part 80 (1/2)

_Dull._ Mr. Clerk, come to the Tryals on the Dockett.

[_Clerk_ reads.

_Cler._ The first is between his Wors.h.i.+p Justice _Whiff_ and one _Grubb_.

_Dull._ Ay, that _Grubb's_ a common Disturber, Brother, your Cause is a good Cause if well manag'd, here's to't.

[Drinks.

_Whiff._ I thank you, Brother _Dullman_--read my Pet.i.tion.

[Drinks.

_Cler._ The Pet.i.tion of Captain _Thomas Whiff_, sheweth, That whereas _Gilbert Grubb_ calls his Wors.h.i.+p's Wife _Ann Whiff_ Wh.o.r.e, and said he would prove it; your Pet.i.tioner desires the Wors.h.i.+pful Bench to take it into Consideration, and your Pet.i.tioner shall ever pray, _&c._-- Here's two Witnesses have made Affidavit _viva voce_, an't like your Wors.h.i.+ps.

_Dull._ Call _Grubb_.

_Cler._ _Gilbert Grubb_, come into the Court.

_Grub._ Here.

_Whim._ Well, what can you say for your self, Mr. _Grubb_.

_Grub._ Why, an't like your Wors.h.i.+p, my Wife invited some Neighbours Wives to drink a Cagg of Syder; now your Wors.h.i.+p's Wife, Madam _Whiff_, being there fuddled, would have thrust me out of doors, and bid me go to my old Wh.o.r.e Madam _Whimsey_, meaning your Wors.h.i.+p's Wife.

[To _Whimsey_.

_Whim._ Hah! My Wife called Wh.o.r.e, she's a Jade, and I'll arrest her Husband here--in an Action of Debts.

_Tim._ Gad zoors, she's no better than she should be, I'll warrant her.

_Whiff._ Look ye, Brother _Whimsey_, be patient; you know the humour of my _Nancy_, when she's drunk; but when she's sober, she's a civil Person, and shall ask your pardon.

_Whim._ Let this be done, and I am satisfied. And so here's to you.

[Drinks.

_Dull._ Go on to the Trial.

_Grub._ I being very angry, said indeed, I would prove her a greater Wh.o.r.e than Madam _Whimsey_.

_Cler._ An't like your Wors.h.i.+ps, he confesses the Words in open Court.

_Grub._ Why, an't like your Wors.h.i.+ps, she has had two b.a.s.t.a.r.ds, I'll prove it.

_Whiff._ Sirrah, Sirrah, that was when she was a Maid, not since I marry'd her; my marrying her made her honest.

_Dull._ Let there be an order of Court to sue him for _Scandalum magnatum_.

_Tim._ Mr. Clerk, let my Cause come next.

_Cler._ The Defendant's ready, Sir. [_Hazard_ comes to the Board.

_Tim._ Brothers of the Bench, take notice, that this Hector here coming into Mrs. _Flirt's_ Ordinary, where I was with my Brother _Dullman_ and Lieutenant _Boozer_; we gave him good Counsel to fall to work: Now my Gentleman here was affronted at this, forsooth, and makes no more to do but calls us Scoundrels, and drew his Sword on us; and had I not defended my self by running away, he had murdered me, and a.s.sa.s.sinated my two Brothers.