Volume Iii Part 28 (1/2)

_Bel_. Death, you Dog! you deserve to die, for your base Designs upon a Maid of her Quality--How durst you, Sister, without my leave, marry that Rascal?

_Phil_. Sir, you deny'd me my Portion, and my Uncle design'd to turn me out of doors, and in my Despair I accepted of him.

_Flaunt_. Married! and to a Wife of no Fortune! that's the worst part on't--what shall I do?

_Bel_. Renounce this leud Fool, and I'll make thee a Fortune suitable to thy Quality.

Sir _Tim_. Say you so?--Renounce me, Sir! I'd have you to know I merit her: And as for Leudness, I name no body, _Bellmour_--but only some have the Art of hiding it better than I--but for Whoring, Drinking, Dicing, and all the deadly Sins that thereupon depend, I thank my Stars, I come short of you: And since you say, I shall not have your Sister, by Fortune, I will have your Sister, and love your Sister, and lie with your Sister, inspite of you.

_Lord_. Well, Sir _Timothy_, since my Niece has done amiss, 'tis too late to mend it--and that you may not repent, I'll take care her Fortune shall be suitable to the Jointure you'll make her.

_Bel_. With this Proviso, that you make no Settlement to Misses, Sir _Timothy_--I am not so unreasonable to tie you up from all of that Profession; that were to spoil a fas.h.i.+onable Husband, and so put you quite out of Fop-road.

_Lord_. This Day we'll set apart for Mirth, And all must make my House their happy home.

_Bel_. To thee, _Celinda_! all my Good I owe, My Life, my Fortune, and my Honour too, Since all had perish'd by a broken Vow.

_Flaunt_. What, am I like to lose my _Timmy_? Canst thou have the Heart to leave me for ever? I who have been true and constant to you?

Sir _Tim_. Alas! now I must melt again, by Fortune--thou art a Fool, dost think I wou'd have had her, but for her Fortune? which shall only serve to make thee out-flaunt all the Cracks in Town--go--go home and expect me, thou'lt have me all to thy self within this Day or two:

Since Marriage but a larger Licence is For every Fop of Mode to keep a Miss.

EPILOGUE.

Spoken by Sir _Timothy Tawdrey_.

_Sir_ Timothy, _Gallants, at last is come To know his Sentence, and receive his Doom, But pray before you are resolv'd to be Severe, look on your selves, and then on me; Observe me well, I am a Man of Show, Of Noise, and Nonsense, as are most of you.

Though all of you don't share with me in t.i.tle, In Character you differ very little.

Tell me in what you find a Difference?

It may be you will say, you're Men of Sense; But Faith-- Were one of you o'th' Stage, and I i'th' Pit, He might be thought the Fop, and I the Wit.

On equal Grounds you'll scarce know one from t'other; We are as like, as Brother is to Brother.

To judge against me then wou'd be Ill-Nature, For Men are kind to those they're like in Feature.

For Judges therefore I accept you all; By you, Sir_ Timothy _will stand or fall.

He's too faint-hearted that his Sentence fears, Who has the Honour to be try'd by's Peers_.

Written by Mr. _E.R_.

THE FALSE COUNT.

ARGUMENT.

Don Carlos, Governor of Cadiz, who has been contracted to Julia, now married to a rich old churl, Francisco, in order to gain her, mans a galley, which has been captured from the Turks, with some forty or fifty attendants disguised as ferocious Ottomans; and whilst she, her husband and a party of friends are taking a pleasure trip in a yacht, they are suddenly boarded and all made prisoners by the supposed corsairs, who carry them off to a country villa a few miles from the town belonging to Carlos' friend, Antonio, which, however, they are firmly convinc'd is a palace inhabited by the Great Turk himself. Here Carlos appears, dressed as the Sultan, with much pomp, and Francisco, overwhelmed with terror, speedily relinquishes Julia to his captor. In order to punish her for her intolerable arrogance, Isabella, Francisco's daughter by his former wife, who is designed to wed Antonio, is introduced to a chimney-sweep, Guiliom, masquerading as a n.o.ble of high degree. She forthwith strikes up a match with the False Count, leaving Antonio free to marry Clara, Julia's sister, whom he loves. No sooner, however, has the knot been securely tied than Guiliom, appearing in his sooty rags and with s.m.u.tched face, publicly demands and humiliates his haughty bride. The trick of the feigned Turks is discovered by the arrival at the villa of Baltazer, Julia's father. Don Carlos, however, claims his mistress by reason of his former contract, which is perforce allowed.

SOURCE.