Part 21 (1/2)
I try to press a kiss to her lips, and she jumps back screaming like I'm a f.u.c.king serial killer or some s.h.i.+t!
”Don't mess up the make-up, or they will kick your a.s.s.” She says matter-of-factly pointing to her make-up crew.
Waving to them, I let out a deep chuckle and hold my hands up in surrender, ”Wow, sorry. Let's see: lips off limits, p.u.s.s.y off limits. Music Award shows are not all they're cracked up to be. I thought it was all about hot s.e.x and Rock and Roll. I guess I got the wrong memo.”
Rolling her eyes she blows me an air kiss, ”You're such an idiot sometimes, but I still love you. Now let me finish getting ready so we can get out of here.”
I spend the next hour sitting on pins and f.u.c.king needles as I wait for our limo to take us to MGM Grand. I have no idea what Beyond Redemption is performing tonight at the awards because Brittan won't tell me.
She was super secretive and didn't allow me around when they had rehearsals yesterday. She told me it's a surprise, so now I'm h.o.r.n.y and beyond f.u.c.king anxious to see what the h.e.l.l this surprise is.
With Brittan, you just never know.
Brittan I love the excitement of the Red Carpet. You have so many genres of music coming together to celebrate our achievements and you get to mingle with other artists you wouldn't normally hang out with.
Jordon was adorable on the Red Carpet posing with me for the photogs'. He looks like s.e.x on a f.u.c.king stick right now in his suit. It took everything in me not to jump his bones in the limo on the way over.
If I wasn't so worried about messing up my hair and make-up that took six hours to do, then I would've.
Jordan along with Zane, Lawson and Kingston presented the first award of the night. I was so proud seeing him up on that stage. They all just headed backstage to get ready to perform their number one hit Goodbye Chicago. Everyone is obsessed with that d.a.m.n song!
My entire body is a bundle of nerves right now and, with each pa.s.sing second, they only intensify. I'm never nervous when it comes to performing, but to be singing the song I wrote for Jordon, with him in the audience, is beyond nerve-wracking!
I pray he loves it.
The second the lights come up, and the sparks start shooting up out of the stage, the entire auditorium erupts in cheers. I immediately spot Jordon off to the side of the stage with Zane front and center.
They are singing their hearts out and owning the stage. I love looking around and seeing our peers singing along with them. I fan-girled slightly when I spotted Jared Leto and M. Shadows on the Red Carpet and then again sitting a few rows in front of us. They're my ultimate celebrity crushes. Thank G.o.d Jordon is okay with my obsession with them since he knows he tops the celebrity crush list.
Seeing them singing along and knowing all the words makes my heart swell in my chest. Tempting Tomorrow is so talented. They deserve to finally have everyone taking notice. I'm honored to have them touring with us, and to see them rise to stardom before my eyes.
As the guys are wrapping up their song, Jordon drops down on his knees and begins playing the killer riff at the end of the song, making the entire arena go crazy.
Watching the crowd give a standing ovation makes tears well up in my eyes.
Opening my eyes wide I blink them away because the last thing I need to do is make my mascara run.
The next hour flies by. My bandmates and I, along with Lady Gaga presented an award together. She looked amazing as always. I love how she always goes outside the box with her award show looks.
Finally, I give Jordon a quick peck, making sure not to smudge my lipstick all over his lips and make my way backstage with Holden, Casper, Levi and Nash to get ready for our performance. The entire stage is pitched black as I walk towards the grand piano sitting in the center of the stage.
The guys are set up behind me with Nash at his drum set, Caper and Holden on opposite sides of me with their electric guitars and Levi on ba.s.s beside Casper.
After we are announced, the stage's dimly lit lights focus on me sitting at the piano, illuminating me in a soft glow, while keeping the guys behind me in the dark, smoky mist. Taking in a deep breath, I slowly and effortlessly begin sliding my fingers over the ivory keys and down on the pedals of the piano. As I begin playing the song I wrote for Jordon; the soft and beautiful melody flows out of the piano, floating throughout the arena.
With each key I press, my heart rate increases as it slams against my ribs with every heartbeat. The guys are waiting for me to sing the first verse then they'll join in.
Softly, I sing into the mic with my eyes closed, envisioning Jordon as the tone turns dark and whimsical.
Eyes see straight into my soul, Exposing all the secrets I try to hide, What you don't know is my sadness is like a poison, As deadly as a loaded gun.
As I hammer away on the keys, Casper starts in on the electric guitar, and Nash begins beating rhythmically on the drums, with Levi and Holden joining in as I begin to sing the chorus at the top of my lungs pleading with the vision inside of my head.
Save me from the evil inside of me, Poison, poison destroying everything I see!
Slowing the melody back down I start to sing softly again while I fight to keep my emotions intact and the tears that are trying to escape my eyes at bay.
You see the real me I hide so deep, Behind the fake smile are tears of pain, Exposed to you I show my scars, Pain locked behind steel bars.
When I start the chorus again, my voice is loud and flawless. The entire audience is quiet as they listen to the lyrics and connect with the music that's causing goose b.u.mps to cover every inch of my flesh.
Save me from the evil inside of me, Poison, poison destroying everything I see!
Guilt is eating away at me, I'm ashamed of what I've become, Wounds wide open exposed to you, For you, I try to become something new.
Save me from the evil inside of me, Poison, poison destroying everything I see!
Save me from the evil inside of me, Poison, poison destroying everything I see.
I glance out at the audience full of my peers, and suck in a sharp breath as I see so many with tear filled eyes like mine. Letting them fall, I set myself free, and my body flies away with the last lyrics of the song. Standing, I shove the bench out as I slam my fingers fiercely across the keys.
You see straight through the wall so high I'm afraid of what you see (I'm ashamed of all my lies) Crying for the girl I use to be (Falling from the clouds I come cras.h.i.+ng back down) Fighting until I reveal my truths (My escape is no longer getting high) I now get lost in those eyes (The ones that see through all my lies) The moment the song ends everyone jumps to their feet and claps while smiling up at me through their tears.
So many know my story of struggle and know how finding Jordon healed me. Now to sing a song so personal, that I wrote while at one of my lowest points when I was struggling with my feelings for Jordon, is therapeutic.
To finally sing it out loud is exhilarating and so freeing. I feel like I'm floating on a cloud as my eyes meet Jordon's in the third row.
He has a look of complete shock and awe as he claps and whistles up at me and the guys. I mouth I love you as we all wave and exit the stage.
My legs are shaking, and my chest is heaving as adrenaline courses through me. That was one of the most terrifying and amazing things I've ever experienced while performing.
Backstage is total chaos as people run around trying to get ready for the next performance and present the next award.
”Dude! That was f.u.c.king awesome! Better than it was at rehearsal. Your voice was seriously flawless, Brittan.” Holden says wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in for a bear hug.