Part 15 (1/2)

Lost in You.

As soon as I step out onto the patio my stomach erupts like a swarm of bees. I'm so nervous, and I don't know why. The minute my eyes meet Jordon's from across the patio my nervousness settles slightly.

He looks handsome in dark jeans and a long-sleeved tee that is, of course, a bright blue, my favorite color on him. His dark hair is styled casually looking as if he just rubbed some product through it quickly, giving it a s.e.xy disheveled look.

My entire patio is dark with the only light coming from a string of twinkling lights wrapped around the patio and the fire pit; that's fully engulfed with a roaring fire. It's a perfect night for a fire with the cool ocean breeze blowing over the patio, causing goose b.u.mps to pop up along my arms.

Standing, Jordon makes his way towards me. Each step he takes causes my heart to hammer in my chest. He takes my breath away with that crooked grin of his.

Wrapping his arms around me, he pulls me flush against his chest and gingerly fingers the curled ends of my hair while simultaneously squeezing my a.s.s with the other.

”You look even more beautiful under the night sky. I swear you take my breath away every time I see you, Brittan.”

I'm so nervous my entire body is shaking, and I imagine Jordon can feel it too.

Running my fingers up his back, I smile up at him. I get lost in his dark blue irises that are now glowing in the light of the fire, making them look like a pool of dark indigo blue that continues forever.

”You don't look so bad yourself.” I say with shaky words as I lean up on my toes giving him a quick kiss. With my flip flops on Jordon towers over me by four or five inches; just another reason why I religiously live in heels.

Interlocking our hands together, Jordon walks me over to the sleek gla.s.s outdoor patio set where he has set up a bucket of ice filled with Budweiser's.

I can't help but smile because even when he's being romantic he doesn't try to be something he's not.

”Beer chilling over ice, I love it.” I say as we sit down across from each other. I can hear music playing throughout the patio. It's mixing with the roar of the waves that are cras.h.i.+ng onto the rugged rocks giving the entire atmosphere a chill vibe.

”Only the best for my girl.” Jordon looks nervous, and it's adorable. I know we are walking a fine line trying to figure out where we want to go from here.

Stay just friends or take that next step.

After today, I think I'm ready to take the next step with him. It's emotionally draining battling with my ever changing feelings. After thinking things over the last three weeks, I think if we take it slow, I can handle this developing into a more serious relations.h.i.+p.

”You are just too d.a.m.n sweet today. I, for one, am glad you didn't go with wine or champagne.”

Reaching into the bucket Jordon takes out two bottles of beer, pops the tops off and hands one to me before taking a long pull from his.

He looks nervous, which helps me relax because I'm nervous as s.h.i.+t right now too.

Jordon lets out the s.e.xiest laugh as he sets his bottle down on the table, ”Just when I thought I couldn't like you anymore than I already do; I find out you love a good cold beer just as much as I do.”

It's crazy how Jordon gets me. I love that he isn't trying to blow smoke up my a.s.s today with a ton of over the top gestures. He's has put thought into everything we've done today to give me the perfect Valentine's Day.

”Well what do you have in store for us tonight?” I ask glancing around the patio. I immediately spot Jordon's acoustic guitar lying on one of the lounge chairs that point towards the beach, overlooking the ocean. The water is glistening in the moonlight making the view majestic.

My stomach fills with b.u.t.terflies the second I see the guitar. If he sings for me tonight, I may just lose it and turn into a blubbering mess. My emotions are already all over the place tonight.

Waving to someone behind me, he flashes me a sly grin, ”You'll find out soon enough.”

G.o.d! I swear he loves torturing me just as much as he loves f.u.c.king me.

I spot someone walking up beside me, making their way around our table. Looking up, my eyes land on my personal a.s.sistant, Toby. He's been my a.s.sistant for four years and is the only reason I remember my scheduled interviews or pretty much anything else I have to do on a daily basis.

”Toby! Well, don't you look snazzy.” I say as I take in Toby wearing dress slacks, white dress s.h.i.+rt and black tie. He even has his sandy brown hair gelled back.

”Yeah, well don't get too use to it. Tomorrow I'll be back in my Gucci jeans and loafers.” He teases, flas.h.i.+ng me a mega-watt smile.

If anyone knows style, it's Toby. He also owns the t.i.tle of my personal stylist. Without him, I'd never stay current on the hottest new trends or what Brangelina or Kimye are up to these days.

”I asked Toby and Amanda to help me with your surprise tonight since I am a disaster in the kitchen. Amanda saved the day by cooking our dinner, and Toby offered to be our server.”

This is crazy. I can't believe how amazing he's being tonight; this is all just too much. For each surprise he has organized today, I feel my walls have crumbled just a bit more.

”That is so sweet. I appreciate you not cooking. My idea of a fun Valentine's Day dinner does not include food poisoning, torched food or cleaning up the mess.”

Slapping his hand against his chest, Jordon's face drops as he tries to act like he's offended; his pouty face is priceless. ”That hurts, right here.” He says putting his hand over his heart.

I can't hold back my laughter, and before I know it we're both laughing while Toby just shakes his head and tells us he'll be out shortly with our dinner.

We spend the next hour eating delicious grilled shrimp on a bed of wild rice and asparagus. We go through the bucket of beer before the meal is over leaving us both with a good buzz.

When we finished our meal, I excused myself to freshen up. After re-applying my lip gloss and popping a mint in my mouth, I rejoined Jordon back outside where he is sitting by the fire with his guitar beside him.

Sitting down next to him, I curl my legs under me and rest my head on his shoulder. I get lost for a few moments just staring into the flames of the fire. The heat radiating off the fire causes our skin to glow, soothing us as it mixes with the cool salty air.

I'm trying to lock this moment of tranquility in my mind for eternity, as a new memory to look back on.

Jordon wraps his arm around my waist and presses a kiss to my temple before breaking the silence that's fallen between us, ”I hope I've helped make today a day filled with happiness instead of a day of sadness.”

Snuggling into him further, but never taking my eyes off of the fire I tell Jordon truthfully, ”Today has been the first perfect day I've had since before Cane was deployed to Iraq. For the first time in such a long time, I'm happy. It is the first Valentine's Day I've spent actually enjoying myself instead of getting lost in the overwhelming sadness that usually consumes me.”

Taking my chin in his hand, Jordon tilts my head up towards him locking his eyes with mine. The emotion I see in his gaze causes my mouth to go dry and my heart rate to increase.

It feels as if he's looking through me and truly seeing everything I've kept hidden, like he's seeing straight into my soul.

”I know today must be hard for you because Cane is not here to celebrate it with you.” He pauses and takes a breath before continuing. I'm sitting here holding my breath as I wait for him to go on, ”and I know you'd give anything to spend it with him, but I'm honored that you're giving me a chance to show you the side of me no one else sees. Thank you for that, and for opening up to me. I know it can't be easy.”

I am such an emotional mess my eyes are already filling up with tears. ”I promised myself I wouldn't cry today.” I mumble as I wipe the tears away.

Jordon has worked so hard to give us the perfect day. I don't want him to see my tears and a.s.sume I'm crying because I'd rather be with Cane instead of him.

My head and heart are all over the place right now.

”Brittan, it's okay to cry. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. After the s.h.i.+t you've gone through it's understandable that you'd be emotional on a day like today. You don't need to put on an act for me. If you're p.i.s.sed off, sad or happy just tell me. I want to get to know you, all of you.”

How did the c.o.c.ky a.s.shole I met on the anniversary of Cane's death turn out to be the one thing I needed in order to feel whole again?