Part 1 (1/2)
Tempt My Heart.
by Danielle Jamie.
Dedication:.
I dedicate this book to Sonja and Brandon Islip, because, without Sonja's loss, this story would never have come to me. She's showed me that it's possible to have two soulmates in one lifetime.
Music washes from the soul the dust of everyday life.
~ Berthold Auerbach.
Prologue.
May 18th 2013.
As I sit on the patio overlooking the sh.o.r.eline of Malibu below, I try to take my therapist's advice and reflect back on the times in my life when I was happy...truly happy. Closing my eyes, I inhale and exhale the salt air, trying to find my happy place. As soon as I close them and let my body relax, I'm immediately greeted by the dark, enchanting blue eyes of the most gorgeous man ever.
I'm overwhelmed by the emotions coursing through my body as I take in his dimpled smile and try to remember the sound of his voice. Sadness slowly seeps into my bones as I struggle to remember the deep timbre of his laughter and the sound of his voice when he would whisper I love you into my ear as I would drift off to sleep in his arms.
Cane is...correction was the love of my life. After all this time, I still struggle with acceptance. How does one accept the fact that she has to live the rest of her life without her soulmate? I fear that once I finally accept he's truly gone; I'll sink deeper into the sea of sorrow I've been trying so desperately not to drown in.
The day he died, I wanted to be dead too. A life without Cane is something I never wanted to experience. Now that I've hit rock bottom, I'm stuck here at this G.o.d forsaken Rehab Center in Malibu, where other rich and famous people, like me, come to try to heal and overcome addiction. If it were up to me, I wouldn't even be here right now. But my record label has insisted I get clean, or they'll cancel my U.S. tour. I'd much rather do a few lines of c.o.ke to numb my mind and dive into my music. It's the only way I've gotten through these last few years. They don't get it; no one does. I struggle on a daily basis just trying to get through the day without the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
So here I sit, lying on the patio lounge, taking in the warm California sun, and playing a game of 'Remember When' with myself. My therapist says I need to learn to reflect on the life I had with Cane. The good and the bad and find a way to heal and move on. It's easier said than done. It's been almost eight f.u.c.king years, and the pain is still as piercing as it was the day I buried him. Right now the desire to get high or f.u.c.k the first person who walks by me is almost overwhelming.
Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, I slowly count back from one hundred, trying try to push back the voices in my head that are screaming at me to walk my a.s.s out of here, go back to Miami and tell everyone to f.u.c.k off. I need to do this. My dream was to travel the world performing and seeing my name topping the charts. I promised Cane I'd never give up that dream; I'd fight until I achieved it for the both of us. He loved me so deeply that my dreams were his dreams too. He wanted to see me achieve them as much, if not more, than I did.
So here I sit, in f.u.c.king rehab, willing myself to get clean and give my fans and my label what they want and deserve: a drug free Brittan, who is committed to this new tour and new alb.u.m.
Focusing on the sounds of the seagulls flying above me, and the roar of the Pacific Ocean as it crashes fiercely against the sh.o.r.e below, I begin my journey back into my past. My eyes start to well up with tears and a ghost of a smile dances across my lips. I slowly let my mind begin to replay the most memorable moments I had with Cane and the moments that changed the course of our lives forever...
July 4th 2000.
The beaches of Miami are jam packed with people. Everyone's coming with their lawn chairs, trying to find the perfect spot to watch the fireworks show. With my best friend, Roxie by my side, we trudge through the cool sand; lawn chairs in one hand, and our rocket popsicles in the other. We find the perfect spot by the sh.o.r.e. A place where we can dip our feet in the warm Atlantic water and watch the show without a million heads bobbing in front of us.
The first set of fireworks explodes; illuminating the sky in bright colors of blues, silvers, and reds. It's breathtaking...my favorite thing about 4th of July has to be the fireworks. Different patterns and color combinations light up the sky for over an hour; providing a magnificent show that I never want to end. The grand finale begins with hundreds of fireworks bursting into the sky at once, leaving me in a state of amazement. I glance towards my right, noticing the hottest guy walking towards me.
He smiles down at me, and I instantly melt. ”c.r.a.p, looks like I missed them? At least I made it in time for the finale.” He says to the two guys standing next to him. They all plop down in the sand beside my chair. In all of my fifteen years, I've never felt b.u.t.terflies like I'm feeling right now.
Elbowing Roxie, I signal my eyes towards the group of boys that just sat beside us. At first she's annoyed because I'm bugging her while she's trying to watch the finale. Once she gazes in my direction and follows my line of sight to the hotties sitting on the sand beside me, her mood quickly changes.
Flas.h.i.+ng an impish grin at Roxie, I turn back towards the hottest guy I've ever laid eyes on. ”You made it just in time; the finale is the best part.” I say a little louder than I wanted.
The loud detonations from the fireworks make it impossible to have a normal conversation.
”I couldn't agree more, the finale is my favorite, too.” Giving me a wink, he extends his hand towards me. ”I'm Cane.”
I hesitantly reach my hand out, taking his into mine. The contact sends my heart racing, and I'm suddenly covered with goose b.u.mps. I manage to squeak out, ”Hi, I'm Brittan.”
June 29th 2001.
After a long school year, the summer break is finally here; everyone is bursting at the seams with excitement. I, on the other hand, can't help but be depressed.
After this summer, everything is going to change. Cane is leaving in the middle of August to get settled in at his dorm at The University of Miami. I'll be going back to high school to start my soph.o.m.ore year. I'm happy he's staying in Miami for school, but now we're going to be at two different stages in our lives and I can't help but fear the worst.
I relish being able to hang out with Roxie, Cane and all of our friends every day in the courtyard for lunch. It's going to be so weird not having him there with us, walking me to cla.s.s, slipping silly notes into my locker...just him being there.
It's unbelievable to think that, before last 4th of July, we had never met. We both attended the same high school, but never once had our paths crossed until that beautiful summer's night. Since that moment, we've been inseparable. I know being just sixteen; people call it puppy love, but I think it's more than that. What we feel for each other is the real thing. I just hope our love for each other is strong enough to withstand my insecurities and fears.
Cane landed a full scholars.h.i.+p for basketball. It's been his lifelong dream to play for the Miami Hurricanes, and his parents, and I are ecstatic for him.
Only thing is; I'm totally freaking out!
He'll be surrounded by tons of beautiful women, who are all at the same place in their lives as him. I'm afraid he'll grow bored with me and want to be with someone the same age as him. Every time he sees me having my little pity party, Cane swears to me that he loves me and going away to college won't change that. He's promised me a gazillion times that no other woman can ever hold a candle to me.
I feel awful for doubting him and having these fears. Cane has been nothing but amazing to me over the past eleven months. I blame it on all the TV shows and Lifetime movies I watch. Seeing the ever so loving boyfriend go away to college, then the girlfriend he leaves behind is soon forgotten as temptation is constantly thrown at him.
I've been to enough frat parties over the last year with Cane, to know exactly how those women behave. They don't care if the guy has a girlfriend. If they want you, they'll do whatever it takes to entice and lead you into their bed.
”You going to jump in? Or lay and bake in the sun all day?” Cane's voice snaps me back to reality.
We're all hanging out at his house for a BBQ. His dad is cooking hot dogs and hamburgers for everyone. I lift my head just in time to see Cane do a cannonball off the diving board into the pool; the waves from Cane jumping in causes Roxie's float to tip over landing her in the water. I can't help but laugh, seeing her yell at Cane for being an inconsiderate douche.
Matt and Dalton run along the side of the pool; jumping in at the same time next to Roxie, soaking her further. Deciding to push my fears into the back of my mind for now, I climb off of the lounge chair. Breaking into a full sprint, I run and do a cannon ball into the pool. Popping up laughing, I swipe my hands across the water splas.h.i.+ng all the guys.
”Stop picking on Roxie, you know she prefers to float and not swim.” I give her a sly grin and wink.
Roxie, finally losing her pout, climbs onto Matt's back, wraps one arm around this neck and splashes him with the other, as her long blonde locks fall around his face. I can't stop smiling; I wish we could freeze time and stay in this moment forever: Carefree, not a worry in the world.
As I'm watching Matt and Roxie wrestle in the water, I feel hands wrap around my ankles and pull me under. Spinning under the water, I open my eyes and I'm instantly lost in Cane's gorgeous blues. Swimming towards me, he plants a short, sweet kiss on my lips before pulling me against his chest; ascending us both from under the water.
Shaking his head, he whips his s.h.a.ggy, dirty blonde hair side to side, beads of water splatter all over me. ”Bout time you got your hot a.s.s into the pool. I was about two seconds away from grabbing you, and tossing you in.” He says playfully while brus.h.i.+ng my wet hair off of my face with the pad of his thumb.