Part 49 (1/2)

My typist weeps for hours and hours: I took her for her weeping powers-- They so delight my business hours.

A woman lives by intuition.

Though my accountant shuns addition She has the rarest intuition.

(And I myself can do addition.)

Timidity in girls is nice.

My cook is so afraid of mice.

Now you'll admit it's very nice To feel your cook's afraid of mice.

_Alice Duer Miller._

THE MAN

A man said to the universe, ”Sir, I exist!”

”However,” replied the universe, ”The fact has not created in me A sense of obligation.”

_Stephen Crane._

A THOUGHT

If all the harm that women have done Were put in a bundle and rolled into one, Earth would not hold it, The sky could not enfold it, It could not be lighted nor warmed by the sun; Such ma.s.ses of evil Would puzzle the devil, And keep him in fuel while Time's wheels run.

But if all the harm that's been done by men Were doubled, and doubled, and doubled again, And melted and fused into vapour, and then Were squared and raised to the power of ten, There wouldn't be nearly enough, not near, To keep a small girl for the tenth of a year.

_James Kenneth Stephen._

THE MUSICAL a.s.s

The fable which I now present, Occurred to me by accident: And whether bad or excellent, Is merely so by accident.

A stupid a.s.s this morning went Into a field by accident: And cropped his food, and was content, Until he spied by accident A flute, which some oblivious gent Had left behind by accident; When, sniffling it with eager scent, He breathed on it by accident, And made the hollow instrument Emit a sound by accident.

”Hurrah, hurrah!” exclaimed the brute, ”How cleverly I play the flute!”

A fool, in spite of nature's bent, May s.h.i.+ne for once,--by accident.

_Tomaso de Yriarte._

THE KNIFE-GRINDER

_Friend of Humanity_