Part 51 (2/2)
_Serena._ No, she won't. She says she's sure she'll have a shock if she sees him and very gladly accepts our kind invitation because so she can avoid meeting him.
From the left-hand column we surely do learn that a before-mentioned Teddy has been in South Africa; that he and a certain Aunt Deborah have quarreled; and that though she particularly does not wish to meet Teddy, she is coming, as he is, to visit at this house--three important points.
Like everyday speech, the quoted dialogue lacks compactness. Let us first, therefore, cut out all that is not absolutely necessary. We do not need, in the first speech of Elise, anything more than the query, ”Yes?” The inflection will give the rest. In the second speech of Serena we can cut ”to South Africa,” for we have already mentioned where Teddy has been. In the second speech of Elise, it is the words ”It must be all made up now” that are important. What precedes and what follows may be omitted. Similarly, in the first and second speeches of Serena, it is the first and the third sentences which are important. The second, if given, really antic.i.p.ates an effect which will be stronger later. If we change the second speech from a query to an a.s.sertion or an exclamation, we shall gain and slightly condense. It will then read, ”Aunt Deborah had a terrible quarrel with Teddy just before he went!” Because we have cut the last speech of Elise, the first sentence of the next speech of Serena becomes unnecessary. It will be necessary, however, to re-phrase what remains of this final speech, so hard is it to deliver. The revised dialogue may still be poor enough, but it says all the original did in less s.p.a.ce--that is condensation. The effect is better because we have cut out some parts, and have slightly changed others. That is selection.
The slight changes have been made in order to make the sequence of ideas clearer, to suggest emotion more clearly, or to make the dialogue natural--and all that means the beginning of characterization. The final word on this dialogue is, however, that even now either speaker could utter the words of the other, and that is all wrong. Clearly, then, even in stating facts, dialogue may be bad, indifferent, and good.
The following opening of a j.a.panese No drama shows that even more trained writers may write dialogue with no virtue except its clearness:
TWO HEARTS
_A drama by J. Mushakoji_
SCENE: _A forest glade on the n.o.bleman's estate. A cross for crucifixion in the foreground. Two men A and B standing on either side of the cross holding spears._
_A._ That fellow has behaved foolishly!
_B._ Yes, and the girl also.
_A._ It was certain that they would be killed when found out.
_B._ And nothing could prevent the discovery.
_A._ Our master is extremely indignant.
_B._ There has not been one person crucified since the present lord succeeded.
_A._ Although the stewards have a.s.sured him that it is the established law of the land, the present master has never given permission for the punishment of criminals by crucifixion and fire. But now he has announced that he will kill them in this manner, and we are commissioned to carry out the disagreeable duty.
_B._ Even though we refused to obey the command at first and requested him to excuse us he would not listen to our pet.i.tion.
_A._ The master must have been very fond of this young girl.
_B._ Yes. Rumour has it that he became attached to her while the late mistress was still living.
_A._ He did not care very much for his wife. Anyway, she was too inferior to be his companion.
_B._ It was said that he did not grieve over her death.
_A._ And I have heard that the girl fainted when her mistress died.
_B._ She must have been a favourite among the other attendants who accompanied the lady when she became the wife of the lord.
_A._ She was clever and pretty and had a strong character.
_B._ Why did the girl fall in love with that fellow, I wonder?
_A._ He is the kind of a man a woman admires.
_B._ And because the girl loved him he now receives such severe punishment.
_A._ We can never tell. What seems good luck may mean unexpected misfortune.
_B._ She would have been happier if she had obeyed the master's will instead of rejecting him.
_A._ Probably she did not like him.
_B._ But he seemed to care a great deal for her.
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