Part 56 (2/2)

Just as I am.

While I know this is the smartest thing to do, the only logical thing to do, I was really hoping he'd ask me not to. I thought maybe he would want it and then I wouldn't be so scared. Because this doesn't feel right. It feels so wrong. Maybe I should just keep it and give it up for adoption. So many people can't have babies, and I'm doing this? That's not fair to my baby...s.h.i.+t... Why did I say that? Because now I want to keep it. Truthfully, I wanted to keep it from the beginning, but the fear of doing it on my own has led me to this.

f.u.c.king fear, it ruins lives. It really does.

But I can't do this on my own. I'm not strong enough. I mean, I might be by the time it comes. I've gotten so much better, but I owe that to Jace. He's helped me grow, to find my confidence, to love myself. And I hoped he would tell me we could do this. I really needed him to tell me I wouldn't be doing this on my own, that he would be right beside me. He did say he'd stand beside me, but he was frozen in fear. He doesn't want this. He couldn't. He's on the fast track to the top. Where does a baby fit into that? How can a baby fit into it? Especially when I want to do big things, too? G.o.d, why wasn't I smarter? I was so worried about falling for Jace, I didn't realize what could happen in the process.

A baby.

Our baby.

f.u.c.k, I can't do this.

Panic shakes my body, my leg is bouncing so hard, and I'm tearing my nails apart. I don't want this. As my chest goes tight, I know I'm two seconds from having a panic attack.

I have to get the h.e.l.l out of here.

Standing up, I go to the window, my heart throbbing against my ribs. ”Can I have my ID, please?”

The receptionist's brow rises as she hands it to me. ”I was about to call you up. Are you paying cash or credit?”

But I shake my head, my eyes flooding with tears. ”Neither.”

Walking away, ignoring her as she calls my name, I push open the door and walk out into the frigid temperatures.

”Oh, thank G.o.d,” I breathe, sucking in the cold air and letting it out fast.

I can't do this.

I won't do this.

My baby deserves a chance.

I just hope Jace agrees.

As much as I want to keep it, I know that wouldn't be smart. So maybe adoption is the best choice. I don't know how he feels, but I can't do this. I just can't.

When I hear a car door slam, I look to the left to see Jace running toward me.

”I'm so f.u.c.king sorry I'm late,” he says, looking at the building and then me. ”You didn't do it, did you?” he pants, panic in his eyes, and I shake my head.

”No,” I cry and he falls forward, bracing his hands to his thighs, letting out a long breath. Almost in relief.

”Oh, G.o.d,” he mutters, causing my brows to come together.

Is that a good ”Oh, G.o.d” or a bad?

”I'm sorry, Jace, but I can't. I know I said this is the only option, but it isn't. We can give it up for adoption. It can have a good life with someone else-”

”Oh my G.o.d,” he yells, standing erect and looking at me with tears filling his eyes. His eyes are bloodshot, his face is red, and G.o.d, he looks so tired. ”Shut up and let me breathe for a second,” he yells and I pause, surprised, as he pants with tears escaping out of his eyes.

”Are you okay?”

”No,” he yells, his eyes wild as he takes me by my arms. ”I thought you got rid of our baby. I thought I was too late,” he cries, sucking in a deep breath, and I can only stare up at him. He is a hot mess. A pair of shorts hangs low on his hips, paired with a hoodie that is obviously too small for his big frame. Running his hands up his face, he knocks his beanie off his head, catching it behind him as he looks up to the sky, pulling in another deep breath. Looking back down at me, he shakes his head. ”I don't want you to do this. I want you to have the baby, with me.”

”What?” I ask, my eyes refilling with tears as my heart goes crazy in my chest. ”But last night-”

”Baby, I was freaking the f.u.c.k out, and I'm sorry. This shouldn't have gone this far, but you can't do this. You can't give our baby to anyone else either. Yeah, we aren't ready. Yeah, we are going at the speed of light and our lives don't need a baby in them right now, but this,” he says, taking a step toward me and pressing his hands to my stomach, ”is our child. My blood, your beautiful blood, together. A baby, Avery. Our baby.” Hiccupping a sob, I hold my hands over his as his eyes burn into mine. ”Avery, I know we're young, I know you think this could end, but it won't. Call me c.o.c.ky, but I know it won't.”

”How, Jace-”

”Shh,” he demands, his eyes burning into mine. ”I now know why I never loved before you, and that's because I was waiting for you. You are the one and only woman I will ever love. My last first kiss. I know that because of what I feel when I look into your eyes. I've known since the moment I met you. I believe G.o.d has a plan for us, and while we thought we already had a plan, this is our plan now. Okay? I mean, do you get everything I'm saying? I know I'm talking a thousand miles a minute, and yeah, I can't breathe, but Avery, I just f.u.c.king know. You're it. You and our baby.”

A sob breaks free from my lips as I nod slowly and reach up, wrapping my arms around his neck. ”Is this real?”

He grins, his hands wrapping around my waist. ”Yeah.”

”But I thought you wouldn't want this. It's such a shocker.”

He nods. ”A surprise, you mean. And no, I didn't want this. It's the last thing I would ever think of wanting right now. But now, after knowing, it's all I want.”

I search his eyes for any inkling that he doesn't, but all I see is love. Pure, unadulterated love. Still I have to ask, ”Are you sure?”

”Are you?” he asks and my lip trembles, but I know the answer.

”I never wanted to end this.”

”Then why did you bring us here?”

”Because I was so scared.”

”What have I told you? Be honest with me and we got this.”

”I know. I just freaked.”

”You freaked?” His eyes widen. ”I think I peed a little when I saw you come out of there,” he admits and I smile. ”Because, yeah, it scares the living s.h.i.+t out of me, us doing this. But what scares me more is us not doing this.”

”Me too,” I breathe, my body breaking out in gooseflesh.

”Good,” he says, his eyes filling with tears as he grabs my hands and unwraps them from behind his neck. Confused, I watch as he falls to one knee, and I gasp. ”And just in case you ever question if we will last, I want you to look at this ring,” he says, a grin on his face as he slides a beautifully simple oval diamond onto my ring finger. ”And know that the last woman who wore this was my grandma. She wore it for fifty-three years of a loving marriage with my grandpa and then for another ten after he died because she was so in love with him. She wore it until the day she died, not to be morbid... Maybe I should have left that last part off, but I'm still freaking out here,” he adds with a grin, but I can't even think. ”Good freak-out, though, happy freak-out.”

Holy s.h.i.+t.

”Oh, Jace,” I say, covering my mouth as everything goes still. ”Are you sure?”

”Yeah.”

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