Part 12 (1/2)
”You _are_ a man as _has_ seen a great deal of _diffleculency_,”
was what she said, but it didn't seem to satisfy her, so she tried again, and after a number of trials she hit a happy medium between ”_dif_” and ”_diffleculency_” and compromised on ”_difflety_,” which useful addition to the language she took occasion to repeat as often as possible with an air of decided triumph.
”You _are_ a man as _has_ seen a great deal of difflety _and_ trouble-I would not go _to_ say you 'ave been through too much difflety _and_ trouble, still you 'ave seen difflety _and_ trouble. If you had been a luckier man _in_ your past life you _would_ not 'ave seen _so_ much difflety and trouble, still you _'ave_ seen difflety _and_ trouble-I 'ope you will not see so much difflety _and_ trouble _in_ the future-Life: you _will_ live long; you will live _to_ be 69 years of _hage and will_ die of a lingering disease-you _will_ be sick for a long time, and _will_ not suffer much difflety and trouble-sixty-nine years of _hage_ you _will_ live to be-Death: don't think _of_ death; that is _too_ far hoff a you _to_ think of-but you _will_ die when you _are_ 69 years of hage, and you _may_ 'ope to go right hup to 'eaven, for you _will_ 'ave no more difflety and trouble then-Money: you _will_ 'ave money, and you _will_ 'ave plenty of money, but you must not look for money until _you_ 'ave reached your middle _hage_-a distant Hinglish relative of yours _will_ leave you money, but you _will_ 'ave difflety _and_ trouble in getting it; do not hexpect _to_ get _this_ money without difflety, no do not cherish _such_ a 'ope-hit _will_ be _in_ the 'ands of a man who wont hanswer your letters nor take notice of your happlications, you _will_ 'ave _to_ cross the hocean yourself; this money _will_ be a good deal of money _and_ will make _you_ 'appy for the rest _of_ your days-Business: you _will_ thrive in business, you _will_ never be hunfortunate in business, you _will_ 'ave luck in business, you will always _do_ a good business, may hexpect to make money _by_ large speculations in business; difflety _and_ trouble in business you _will_ not know-Great Troubles: you need not hexpect to 'ave many great troubles _for_ you will not; you 'ave 'ad your great troubles _in_ your hearly days-Sickness: you _will_ never see no sickness, 'ave no fear of sickness for you _will_ not see none; sickness, do not care for it and make your mind _heasy_-Friends: you 'ave _got_ many friends, both 'ere and helsewhere, your friends _will_ be 'appy and you will be 'appy, there will be no difflety _and_ trouble between you, you 'ave 'ad trouble with your friends, but you face brighter days, be 'appy-Wives: you _will_ 'ave _but_ one wife; in the third month _from_ now you _will_ 'ear from 'er, you _will_ get a letter from 'er, and in the fourth month you _will_ be married-she is not particularly 'andsome, nor she _is_ not specially hugly, she 'as got blue heyes and brown 'air, _is_ partickler fond of 'ome and is now heighteen years of hage-'Appiness: you _will_ be the 'appiest people in _all_ the land, you can't himagine the 'appiness you _will_ 'ave-Children: you _will_ 'ave three children, after you are married you _will_ see no more difflety _and_ trouble; you _will_ die _in_ a foreign land across the hocean but you _will_ die 'appy. 'Ope for 'appiness and 'ave _no_ huneasiness.”
Thus prophesied the gay Bohemian, the nut-brown maid, the dark-eyed oracle, the wise charmer, the female seer, the beautiful sibyl, the lovely enchantress, the romantic ”gipsy girl” of the Third Avenue.
Romance and poesy were effectually demolished by the overpowering realities of dirt, vulgarity, c.o.c.kneyism, ignorance, scratch-wigs, bad English, and bad gin. Sadly the Individual walked down stairs behind the gyrating girl, who reappeared with an agile pirouette, twirled down on her toes, and opened the door with a dizzy revolution that made her look as if her head and shoulders had got into a whirlpool of petticoats, and were past all hope of mortal rescue. The little c.h.i.n.k, as of a bottle and gla.s.s, came faintly from the apartment which is the home of the gipsy, and the individual fancied that the gay Bohemian had returned to her devotions.
CHAPTER XIII.
Contains a true account of the Magic Establishment of Mrs.
Fleury, of No. 263 Broome Street, and also shows the exact quant.i.ty of Witchcraft that snuffy personage can afford for one Dollar.
CHAPTER XIII.
MADAME FLEURY, No. 263 BROOME STREET.
From what the reader has already perused of the predictions and prophecies of these modern dealers in magic, he will hardly think them of a character to inspire any great degree of confidence in the minds of people of ordinary common sense. Still less will he be disposed to believe that merchants of ”credit and renown;”
business men, engaged in occupations, the operations of which are presumed to be governed by the nicest mathematical calculations, are ever so far influenced by the miserable jargon of these ”fortune-tellers,” as to seriously consult them in business matters of great importance.
Such, however, is the humiliating truth.
There are in New York city a number of merchants, bankers, brokers, and other persons eminent in the business world, and respectable in all social relations, who never make an important business move in any direction, until after consultation with one or another of the Witches of New York.
There are many who are regular periodical customers, and who visit the shrine of the oracle once a month, or once in six weeks, as regularly as they make out their balance-sheets, or take an account of stock, and who guide their future investments and business ventures as much by the written fifty-cent prophecy as by either of the other doc.u.ments.
Many country merchants have also learned this trick, and some of them are in constant correspondence with the cheap sybils of Grand Street; and others, when they come to the city for their stock of goods for the next half year, visit their chosen fortune-teller and get full and explicit directions how to conduct their business for the coming six months. Of course, these proceedings are conducted with the greatest possible secrecy, and the attention of the writer was first awakened to this fact by the indiscreet boastings of certain ones of the witches themselves, who are not a little proud of their influence, and after observations afforded ample proof and corroboration of all he had been told.
Great money enterprises have without doubt been seriously affected by the yea or nay of the Bible and key, and perhaps the Atlantic Cable Company would have received more hearty a.s.sistance, and its stock more extensive subscriptions in Wall Street, if certain ones of the fortune-tellers had possessed more faith in its success, and had so advised their patrons.
Incredible as these statements may seem, they are nevertheless true, and this fact is another proof that gross superst.i.tion is not confined to the low and filthy parts of the city, where rags and dirt are the universal rule, but that it has likewise a thrifty growth in quarters of the town where stand the palaces of the ”merchant princes,” and in avenues where rags are almost unknown, and broadcloth, and gold, and fine-twined linen are the common wear.
It is said that certain counsel eminent in the learned profession of the law, and that certain even of the judges of the bench, have been known to consult the female practicers of the Black Art, but the author has never been personally cognizant of a case of this kind, and has no means of knowing whether the consultation was intended to benefit the lawyer or the witch; whether the former desired enlightenment as to the management of some knotty professional point, or whether the latter wanted legal advice as to some of the side branches of her business.
_Mrs. Fleury_, whose domicile and mode of procedure are described in this present chapter, has a large run of this sort of what may be termed _respectable_ custom, and she does not fail to profit by it to the utmost. She came to New York, from France, about six or seven years ago, and at once established herself in the witch business, which she could advertise extensively in the papers, although the other branches of her profession, by which she probably makes more money than by telling fortunes, would by no means bear newspaper publicity. What these other branches are, is more explicitly stated in other chapters of this book, and, in fact, needs to be but hinted at, to be at once understood by nearly all who read.
Madame Fleury advertised the world of her arrival in America, and of her supernatural powers, and in a short time customers began to flock in. It is now her boast that she has as ”respectable a connexion” as any one in the trade, and that she has as great a number of ”regular, reliable customers,” as any conjuress in America. She says that most of her ”regular customers” visit her once in six weeks, six being with her a favorite number, and she not undertaking to guarantee her _business_ predictions for a greater length of time.
Whether she makes any discount from her ordinary prices to these regular traders, she did not state, but probably witchcraft is governed by the same rule as other commodities, and comes cheaper to wholesale dealers.
Duly armed and equipped with staff and scrip, and duly fortified within by such stimulants as the exigencies of the case seemed to demand, the Cash Customer set out for 263 Broome Street, and after strict trial and due examination of the premises and the people, he made the following report.
It was a favorite remark of a learned though mistaken philosopher of the olden time, that ”you can't make a whistle of a pig's tail.” The philosopher died, but his saying was accepted by the world as an axiom-a bit of incontrovertible truth, eternal, G.o.dlike, fully up to par, worth a hundred per cent., with no possibility of discount. Time, however, which often demonstrates the fallibility of human wisdom, has not spared even this oft-quoted adage; and now there is not a collection of curiosities in the land which lacks a pig-tail whistle to proclaim in the shrillest tones the falsity of the wise man's proposition, and the triumph of Yankee ingenuity. Had this same philosopher been interrogated on the subject, he would undoubtedly have announced, and with an equal show of probability on his side of the argument, that ”you can't make a star-reading prophetess out of a snuffy old woman;” but had he lived to the present day, the Cash Customer would have taken great pleasure in exhibiting to him these two apparently irreconcilable characters combined in a single person, and that person Mrs. Fleury, who pays for the daily insertion of the following advertis.e.m.e.nt in the newspapers.
”ASTROLOGY.-MRS. FLEURY, from Paris, is the most celebrated lady of the present age, in telling future events, true and certain. She answers questions on business, marriage, absent friends, &c., by magnetism.