Part 15 (1/2)
”You're saying,” he said, ”that before we arrived here, we left here?”
This is going to be a long night, thought the waiter.
”Precisely, sir,” he said.
”Put your a.n.a.lyst on danger money, baby,” advised Zaphod.
”No, wait a minute,” said Ford, emerging above table level again, ”where exactly is here?”
”To be absolutely exact sir, it is Frogstar World B.”
”But we just left there,” protested Zaphod, ”we left there and came to the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.”
”Yes, sir,” said the waiter, feeling that he was now into the home stretch and running well, ”the one was constructed on the ruins of the other.”
”Oh,” said Arthur brightly, ”you mean we've travelled in time but not in s.p.a.ce.”
”Listen you semi-evolved simian,” cut in Zaphod, ”go climb a tree will you?”
Arthur bristled.
”Go bang your heads together four-eyes,” he advised Zaphod.
”No, no,” the waiter said to Zaphod, ”your monkey has got it right, sir.”
Arthur stuttered in fury and said nothing apposite, or indeed coherent.
”You jumped forward... I believe five hundred and seventy-six thousand million years whilst staying in exactly the same place,” explained the waiter. He smiled. He had a wonderful feeling that he had finally won through against what had seemed to be insuperable odds.
”That's it!” said Zaphod, ”I got it. I told the computer to send us to the nearest place to eat, that's exactly what it did. Give or take five hundred and seventy-six thousand million years, we never moved. Neat.”
They all agreed this was very neat.
”But who,” said Zaphod, ”is the cat on the phone?”
”Whatever happened to Marvin?” said Trillian.
Zaphod clapped his hands to his heads.
”The Paranoid Android! I left him moping about on Frogstar B.”
”When was this?”
”Well, er, five hundred and seventy-six thousand million years ago I suppose,” said Zaphod, ”Hey, er, hand me the rap-rod, Plate Captain.”
The little waiter's eyebrows wandered about his forehead in confusion.
”I beg your pardon, sir?” he said.
”The phone, waiter,” said Zaphod, grabbing it off him. ”Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your b.u.ms don't fall off.”
”Indeed, sir.”
”Hey, Marvin, is that you?” said Zaphod into the phone, ”How you doing, kid?”
There was a long pause before a thin low voice came up the line.
”I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed,” it said.
Zaphod cupped his hands over the phone.
”It's Marvin,” he said.
”Hey, Marvin,” he said into the phone again, ”we're having a great time. Food, wine, a little personal abuse and the Universe going foom. Where can we find you?”
Again the pause.
”You don't have to pretend to be interested in me you know,” said Marvin at last, ”I know perfectly well I'm only a menial robot.”
”OK, OK,” said Zaphod, ”but where are you?”
”'Reverse primary thrust, Marvin,' that's what they say to me, 'open airlock number three, Marvin. Marvin, can you pick up that piece of paper?' Can I pick up that piece of paper! Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to...”
”Yeah, yeah,” sympathized Zaphod hardly at all.
”But I'm quite used to being humiliated,” droned Marvin, ”I can even go and stick my head in a bucket of water if you like. Would you like me to go and stick my head in a bucket of water? I've got one ready. Wait a minute.”
”Er, hey, Marvin...” interrupted Zaphod, but it was too late.
Sad little clunks and gurgles came up the line.
”What's he saying?” asked Trillian.
”Nothing,” said Zaphod, ”he just phoned up to wash his head at us.”
”There,” said Marvin, coming back on the line and bubbling a bit, ”I hope that gave satisfaction...”
”Yeah, yeah,” said Zaphod, ”now will you please tell us where you are?”
”I'm in the car park,” said Marvin.
”The car park?” said Zaphod, ”what are you doing there?”
”Parking cars, what else does one do in a car park?”
”OK, hang in there, we'll be right down.”