Part 11 (1/2)

”No,” said Trillian, standing up, ”no way at all.”

A dull hoa.r.s.e gurgling sound came from the floor. It was Zaphod Beeblebrox attempting to speak. ”I certainly didn't survive,” he gurgled, ”I was a total goner. Wham bang and that was it.”

”Yeah, thanks to you,” said Ford, ”We didn't stand a chance. We must have been blown to bits. Arms, legs everywhere.”

”Yeah,” said Zaphod struggling noisily to his feet.

”If the lady and gentlemen would like to order drinks...” said the green blur, hovering impatiently beside them.

”Kerpow, splat,” continued Zaphod, ”instantaneously zonked into our component molecules. Hey, Ford,” he said, identifying one of the slowly solidifying blurs around him, ”did you get that thing of your whole life flas.h.i.+ng before you?”

”You got that too?” said Ford, ”your whole life?”

”Yeah,” said Zaphod, ”at least I a.s.sume it was mine. I spent a lot of time out of my skulls you know.”

He looked at around him at the various shapes that were at last becoming proper shapes instead of vague and wobbling shapeless shapes.

”So...” he said.

”So what?” said Ford.

”So here we are,” said Zaphod hesitantly, ”lying dead...”

”Standing,” Trillian corrected him.

”Er, standing dead,” continued Zaphod, ”in this desolate...”

”Restaurant,” said Arthur Dent who had got to his feet and could now, much to his surprise, see clearly. That is to say, the thing that surprised him was not that he could see, but what he could see.

”Here we are,” continued Zaphod doggedly, ”standing dead in this desolate...”

”Five star...” said Trillian.

”Restaurant,” concluded Zaphod.

”Odd isn't it?” said Ford.

”Er, yeah.”

”Nice chandeliers though,” said Trillian.

They looked about themselves in bemus.e.m.e.nt.

”It's not so much an afterlife,” said Arthur, ”more a sort of apres vie.”

The chandeliers were in fact a little on the flashy side and the low vaulted ceiling from which they hung would not, in an ideal Universe, have been painted in that particular shade of deep turquoise, and even if it had been it wouldn't have been highlighted by concealed moodlighting. This is not, however, an ideal Universe, as was further evidenced by the eye-crossing patterns of the inlaid marble floor, and the way in which the fronting for the eighty-yard long marble-topped bar had been made. The fronting for the eighty-yard long marble-topped bar had been made by st.i.tching together nearly twenty thousand Antarean Mosaic Lizard skins, despite the fact that the twenty thousand lizards concerned had needed them to keep their insides in.

A few smartly dressed creatures were lounging casually at the bar or relaxing in the richly coloured body-hugging seats that were deployed here and there about the bar area. A young Vl'Hurg officer and his green steaming young lady pa.s.sed through the large smoked gla.s.s doors at the far end of the bar into the dazzling light of the main body of the Restaurant beyond.

Behind Arthur was a large curtained bay window. He pulled aside the corner of the curtain and looked out at a landscape which under normal circ.u.mstances would have given Arthur the creeping horrors. These were not, however, normal circ.u.mstances, for the thing that froze his blood and made his skin try to crawl up his back and off the top of his head was the sky. The sky was...

An attendant flunkey politely drew the curtain back into place.

”All in good time, sir,” he said.

Zaphod's eyes flashed.

”Hey, hang about you dead guys,” he said, ”I think we're missing some ultra-important thing here you know. Something somebody said and we missed it.”

Arthur was profoundly relieved to turn his attention from what he had just seen.

He said, ”I said it was a sort of apres...”

”Yeah, and don't you wish you hadn't?” said Zaphod, ”Ford?”

”I said it was odd.”

”Yeah, shrewd but dull, perhaps it was...”

”Perhaps,” interrupted the green blur who had by this time resolved into the shape of a small wizened dark-suited green waiter, ”perhaps you would care to discuss the matter over drinks ...”

”Drinks!” cried Zaphod, ”that was it! See what you miss if you don't stay alert.”

”Indeed sir,” said the waiter patiently. ”If the lady and gentlemen would care to order drinks before dinner...”

”Dinner!” Zaphod exclaimed with pa.s.sion, ”Listen, little green person, my stomach could take you home and cuddle you all night for the mere idea.”

”... and the Universe,” concluded the waiter, determined not to be deflected on his home stretch, ”will explode later for your pleasure.”

Ford's head swivelled towards him. He spoke with feeling.

”Wow,” he said, ”What sort of drinks do you serve in this place?”

The waiter laughed a polite little waiter's laugh.

”Ah,” he said, ”I think sir has perhaps misunderstood me.”

”Oh, I hope not,” breathed Ford.

The waiter coughed a polite little waiter's cough.

”It is not unusual for our customers to be a little disoriented by the time journey,” he said, ”so if I might suggest...”