6 Diminishing Returns (1/2)

*This is all... such bull c.r.a.p!*

The final bell for the day rang, closing the curtains on exams for the day. Frustrated beyond belief, I threw my cheaply made mechanical pencil on the ground, where the plastic burst open, scattering the contents around the floor. As I pitifully sulked in my chair, I overheard an equally pitiful conversation that was slowly headed for the exit of the room.

”Look at him, getting all worked up over that easy quiz, I wonder how he's doing in this cla.s.s. I thought Asians were supposed to be good at math? Haha.”

”He's Asian?”

”Well, his last name's Xu, isn't it?”

”I guess so...”

*Seriously... calling finals an easy quiz? That's actually hilarious.*

As the conversation left earshot, I sighed in relief. Those goons didn't know how to do anything but get good grades. I have them beat in most other areas, so the only way they can attempt to harm me is with this sort of trash talk about grades on the edge of my hearing. Honestly, it was fortunate for them that I didn't want to deal with them at the moment. Not like I'm bad at arguing or anything. I guess they just don't like a kid a few years younger than them competing on the same intellectual battlefield. As I picked up the pencil and graphite I had carelessly hurled, I heard footsteps approaching at a leisurely pace.

”Hey,” I mumbled, not even turning to look at him.

”Yo, Jon. Ready to lose again?”

This guy. He'd always boasted higher accomplishments in the academic department, and with a love for games, it was no surprise that he was the president of the chess club as well. He was also someone who would never go easy on me in a battle of wits despite knowing he was superior. Despite that, he was still my best friend.

”Of course not! I'm fired up right now.”

”I can tell that much...”

He glanced at the debris on the ground.

After I had tossed the whole dilapidation in the garbage, we exited the room and started walking towards the club room. He finally spoke up again.

”So? What did you think?”

*About the final?*

”Oh it's totally nothing. Other than the fact that the one thing I don't study turns out to be the question worth the most points! What the h.e.l.l is that upside down triangle thing, anyway? Did we even talk about that?”

”Of course we did. And it just so happens to be the day you fell asleep.”

*Right. Of course.*

”And you? What did you think? Wait, never mind. I'm not even gonna ask...”

*This kid's never gotten under a ninety-five percent in an exam, so what's the point in even asking?*

”Well, I did think it was difficult...”

Hearing this, my spirits lightened a little. Of course, if the smartest kid in the cla.s.s thought it was difficult, it really must have been.

”I wasn't even 100% confident in one of my answers!” He continued.

”Oh, f.u.c.k off!”

I gave him a playful shove, and we both laughed in kind.

”Well, what's done is done, I guess”, I told myself. We reached the outside of the designated room. ”So, let's play a game? Loser has to do the club president duties first thing upon entry. Whatever those are.”

To be honest, I kind of wanted to see how to be the president of a club. In the past, I'd never really payed any attention to leaders.h.i.+p, and practically freeloaded off of the benefits of being a useless member of society. But hearing what my sister said earlier about the ”threshold of adulthood” made me reconsider my choices.

”Oh? *You* want to try being club president for a day? That's unusual, but I'd love to see it!”

”That's an unusual way of saying you're sure to win. Bring it on. I'm feeling kind of down after that last final, so let's only play RPS-5. Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock, best of 3.”

Actually, I had another reason for challenging him here as well. The minor victory I had won against Jeanna gave me some confidence in my abilities, and I was itching to play something as soon as the exams ended for the day. Of course, I didn't have to say this aloud.

”Seems fair. On shoot, then?”

”Yeah,” I nodded. ”Let's start.”

The game to decide today's fate - Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock. A 5-way version of roshambo. The rules are simple; they're identical to normal Rock Paper Scissors. There's just two extra options. Each option beats two others and is defeated by the remaining two.

On the mental count of three, we simultaneously began.

””Rock. Paper. Scissors. Shoot!””

I extended my hand all the way, and opened my ring and pinky fingers on one side, and my middle and index on the other. The result - Spock.

He, however, had simply extended his hand all the way out with no hesitation. Four fingers and a thumb, fully extended. The result - Paper.

I let out a small whistle, impressed at his first immediate victory.

Paper disproves Spock. I was losing 0-1.

”Really, now, Jon? You're so easy to read!”

”Am I? Good.”

Obviously, I knew this was a bluff. The only person in the world who could read me so easily was Jeanna, and nothing could change that fact. The first round was nothing but luck. It's impossible for him to know that I'd have played Spock.

In cla.s.sic roshambo, men, especially those who don't know any strategy, typically open with rock. Although the choice doesn't hold any more weight than the others, it's definitely psychologically comforting to hold out a fist right from the get-go. Obviously, my opponent isn't a moron. However, this is where reverse psychology can come into play. It's possible he could pick Rock even if he knows it's a typical starting move. Therefore, it's impossible to know if he will play Rock.

Conversely, women throw Scissors more often. It's definitely an opening move that's likely to win. Knowing this, I picked Spock. Spock smashes both Rock and Scissors. He knows this. However, there's no guarantee that he knows I will play Spock due to the logic of reverse psychology. Therefore, the first throw is pretty much down to luck.

This is also what makes a 5-way version of RPS so much more exciting than the standard. Since so much of the first throw is down to luck, there's a 1 in 5 chance of a tie, due to there being five options to choose from. In standard, there's a 1 in 3 chance. Of course, there's the argument that more ties can make the game more suspenseful, but I'd rather just get the thing over with as soon as possible. I play to have fun, and endless ties aren't all that.

”Again.”

”Of course.”

We prepare for the second round. Once again, on the mental count of three, we chant.

””Rock. Paper. Scissors. Shoot!””

I stuck only my index and middle fingers out sideways and made sure there there was a gap in the middle. The result - Scissors.

Lo and behold, my opponent responds in kind with the same move as last time, a fully open hand. The result - Paper. A mirrored move, and a good strategy. It's highly unlikely to want to make the same move twice, especially now that there's five options to choose from. Of course, if this was the only thing I knew, I would have hesitated to play Scissors. But, there was something else I had an idea of. To confirm, I looked at his hand. It looked to be shaking uncomfortably. It's as if he were trying to flex his muscles really hard, but to no avail.

*I knew it! Wow... I really didn't expect this from someone as incredible as you, but I guess it's still true to this day...*

The score was tied up 1-1.

”I've got Scissors, and you've got Paper. Scissors cut paper. That's one for me. Who's easy to read, again?” I taunted him.

”... paper. Right. The point goes to you,” he reluctantly responded.

*I think I've got him where I want, now. He looks pretty fl.u.s.tered at the moment. And would you look at that... He's even switching what hand he's using.*

”Ready?” I carefully said, trying not to betray my confidence.

”Yeah, lets go ahead.”

For the final time, the chant resonated through the hall.

””Rock, Paper, Scissors, shoot!””

Four of my fingers were stuck together on top, while my thumb was across from them, resembling a ”C”. The result - Lizard.

My opponent, for the third time in a row, unleashed a fully open hand - Paper.

”Lizard eats Paper. 2-1, my victory,” I said. And I gave him the upright Scissors. Some may call it the hand symbol for ”peace” or ”victory”, but frankly, that's overrated.

”No, way, dude. You knew?”

”Hmm? What's that? Knew what?”

”Okay, I'm sorry. I take back what I said earlier about you being easy to read. Can you tell me how you knew that I can't play Spock?”

This was how I beat him. The dude literally can't even make the Spock sign with his hands... it's a pretty dirty victory, but a win's a win.

”Oh, I just happened to overhear it back in the day on the elementary school playground... no big deal, right? I heard you watched Star Trek one day, and tried to make the Vulcan symbol, but couldn't. I took a chance that you still couldn't do it to this day, and would you look at that.”

”Man... is that why you only wanted to play RPS-5? What's got you feeling so upbeat today? Especially after failing the final...”

I pretended like I didn't hear that last part.

*I actually did get a little nervous after the first loss... keeping that confident facade was really a challenge.*

Regardless of if he managed to play Spock, Lizard poisons Spock, so I still would have won. In an effort to protect his pride, he had to play Paper again or Spock. I had him in checkmate.

As for the bet... although I was willing to take a test of leaders.h.i.+p by being club president for a day, I had to admit that I can't change overnight. I'm still nervous about dealing with a bunch of people, it seems...

*Anyway, this is definitely an opportunity! I can finally learn how to be a leader.*

I'd never really witnessed a club president's duties before. I'm either late or don't show up to the club, and I hardly pay attention to what anyone else is doing, since I don't really care. The going-home club is best, after all. This was my first time actually showing up on time.

When we opened the door, the earth suddenly started s.h.i.+fting beneath us. A weak earthquake. We both grabbed the closest thing to stabilize ourselves, which happened to be the door frame. In less than thirty seconds, it subsided.

”There's been a lot of those recently, but I gotta say that this was definitely the strongest one yet...”

”Yea, I'm with you on that one...”

The unexpected scene was quickly forgotten.

”So? What are you gonna do, Mr. President?” I asked him.

”Hmm? After checking attendance, nothing, really.”

”What? Nothing? So I staked nothing on that game?”

”I'm sure you'd be nervous even about doing nothing, Jon!”

”...”

We pa.s.sed a sign-in sheet around, verifying everyone present. The sign-in sheet would be sent to the school board to judge the club's activity. The more popular the club, the more funding it would get. Therefore, everyone was reminded to sign in.

A few of the club members started to look in our direction once things had settled down. After all, we were the main attraction here. Since I didn't show up very often, whenever ”Mr. President” and I were together in this room, we would play a game with 100% certainty. But I guess you can't say that this time, since it wasn't me who would be playing today. I made this clear by not making any effort to issue a challenge.

”What's up? Scared of losing another chess match?”

”Pshh. Of course I am. You beat me most of the time, anyway.”

Of course I was a little nervous. My win rate against him never went above 45%. But that's besides the point. Today was a special occasion. I wanted to see how he stacked up against a certain someone. Maybe if I knew the result, I could relax my soul even more.

”Then why did you even come? On time, no less... are you healthy today? You didn't hit your head, right? Definitely your performance on the final-”

”I've got a special guest coming today, and I guarantee your loss.”

Once I said that, silence broke out. Then, a small commotion started around the room. Of course, the number one player getting a guaranteed loss was bound to garner at least some attention. A kid I'd never seen before seemed especially angry.

”Club president? Guaranteed loss? Who is that guy anyway? Why do you all seem to trust what he's saying?”

I guess I could understand where the newcomer was coming from... Objectively speaking, the number one and number two players were on a pretty different level from the rest of the club. If a random guy came in and said that he knew someone that could get either one of us a guaranteed loss, he would probably be treated like a laughingstock. What really surprised me, though, was how long this question created conversation. When I looked closer, I saw that there were actually quite a few new kids I'd never seen before.

*Oh jeez... how long has it even been since I last came here? Somebody please tell them something...*

Looking around the room, none of the club veterans spoke up for a while. Apparently, they're jealous of not being able to take the number two spot, even though I haven't shown up in G.o.d knows how long.

Finally, the player in third place, Alex, began to speak up.

*Finally, man. It's about time. Thanks, Alex...*

The newbies quieted down to hear what the old fox had to say.

”Yea, I have no clue who he is. Guaranteed loss on the Prez? No way, of course he's bluffing!”

Silence resonated.

”...”

*Dammit, et tu?*

”Yea, I've been coming here for the past four weeks and I've never seen him.”

”Five for me.”

”Six.”

*I really haven't been here in a month and a half? I guess time flies when you're not losing chess games.*

It was impossible to get the club to calm down after that one. Honestly, I'm really glad I didn't need to perform any ”leaders.h.i.+p duties” today. No one would have taken me seriously, it seems...

At that moment, the clock struck 4, and the door opened.

*Punctual, like always... but thank goodness you're here now.*

My prayers were answered. All the attention on me dissipated; all eyes were on the door. Of course, without a bold claim such as guaranteeing the number one's defeat, this wouldn't have happened. Even if they believed it was impossible, I guess they couldn't completely kill their curiosity towards this mystery guest.

...Now believe me when I said I was relieved when I saw her. But another emotion immediately overrode that.

*What the h.e.l.l are you wearing, Jeanna?*

”Yo,” she said, like a typical... something, but this wasn't her normal behavior! Something seriously went wrong!

I was floored.

She was dressed in a dark gray sweats.h.i.+rt hoodie, with the hood up, mind you, and light gray sweatpants. No trace of dignity whatsoever.

”Who's the punk I need to beat? Jon?”

She raised an eyebrow at me.

After another second of stunned silence I finally managed to utter a few more words.

”Uh, yea, he's right over here... Jeanna, this is...”

”No need for introductions, I've heard all about you from lil' Jon here. I just need to beat you, right? Let's just get this over with.”

*Don't call me that here of all places! And I was about to comment on your outfit, not give introductions!*

”Oh? Interesting. I a.s.sume you're Jon's older sister? Not like it matters who you are, anyway. I won't give you any special treatment. This is what I say to all my opponents, regardless of who they are. Ready to lose?”

”No. Let's go.”

The two challengers quickly set up the board.

Of course, this sudden entry was not taken very warmly. From what I've told her about the club, she should know that as well. Apparently she's trying to rile them up on purpose. And it's not helping my cause. I know she'll win, but still... think of my reputation a little bit, at least!

”Hey, seriously? She just walks in here like she owns the place?”

”Talking to the Prez like that? Talk about arrogant...”

”Who is that chick, anyway!”