Part 14 (1/2)
”Attracted by someone . . . by whom? . . . by that wretched little boy?
. . . why he amuses me, of course, . . . and you would stand aside for that! You have spoken and I must speak. Why you are everything, everything, all the world to me. It was last Sunday in church . . . do you remember . . . when they said, 'Whom have I in heaven but thee, and there is none upon earth' . . . I looked up and caught your eye, and wondered if you DID understand. But it is enough--I won't hamper you either. If you want to go back to the old life and live it, I won't say a word. I will be just your most faithful friend--you will allow that?”
The heaven seemed to open over Howard, and the solid earth reeled round him where he sate. It was so, then! He sate for a moment like a man stunned, and then opened his eyes on bliss unutterable. She was close to him, her breath on his cheek, her eyes full of tears. He took her into his arms, and put his lips to hers. ”My dearest darling child,” he said, ”are you sure? . . . I can't believe it. . . . Oh my sweetest, it can't be true. Why, I have loved you with all my soul since that first moment I saw you--indeed it was before; and I have thought of nothing else day and night. . . . What does it all mean . . . the well of life?”
They sate holding each other close. The whole soul of the girl rose to clasp and to greet his, in that blest fusion of life which seems to have nothing hidden or held back. She made him tell her over and over again the sweet story of his love.
”What COULD I do?” she said. ”Why, when I was at Cambridge that week, I didn't dare to claim your time and thought. Why CAN'T one make oneself understood? Why, my one hope, all that time, was just for the minutes I got with you; and yet I thought it wasn't fair not to try to seem amused; then I saw you were vexed at something--vexed that I should want to talk to you--what a WRETCHED business!”
”Never mind all that now, child,” said Howard, ”it's a perfect nightmare. Why can't one be simple? Why, indeed? and even now, I simply can't believe it--oh, the wretched hours when I thought you were drifting away from me; do men and women indeed miss their chances so?
If I had but known! Yet, I must tell you this--when I first came to this spring here, I thought it held a beautiful secret for me--something which had been in my life from everlasting. It was so, and this was what it held for me.”
The afternoon sped swiftly away, and the shadow of the western downs fell across the pool. An immense and overpowering joy filled Howard's heart, and the silent world took part in his ecstasy.
”You remember that first day?” said Maud. ”I had felt that day as if some one was coming to me from a long way off drawing nearer. . . . I saw you drive up in the carriage, and I wondered if we should be friends.”
”Yes,” said Howard, ”it was you on the lawn--that was when I saw you first!”
”And now we must go back and face the music,” said Howard. ”What do you think? How shall we make it all known? I shall tell Aunt Anne to-night.
I shall be glad to do that, because there has fallen a veil between us.
Don't forget, dear child, how unutterably wretched and intolerable I have been. She tried to help me out, but I was running with my head down on the wrong track. Oh, what a miserable fool I was! That comes of being so high-minded and superior. If you only knew how solemn I have been! Why couldn't I just speak?”
”You might have spoken any time,” said Maud. ”Why, I would have walked barefoot to Dorchester and back to please you! It does seem horrible to think of our being apart all that time, out of such beautiful consideration--and you were my own, my very own all the time, every moment.”
”I will come and tell your father to-morrow,” said Howard presently.
”How will Master Jack take it? Will he call you Miss?”
”He may call me what he likes,” said Maud. ”I shan't get off easily.”
”Well, we have an evening and a night and a morning for our secret,”
said Howard. ”I wish it could be longer. I should like to go on for ever like this, no one knowing but you and me.”
”Do just as you like, my lord and master,” said Maud.
”I won't have you talk like that,” said Howard; ”you don't know what you give me. Was ever anyone in the world so happy before?”
”There's one person who is as happy,” said Maud; ”you can't guess what I feel. Does it sound absurd to say that if you told me to stand still while you cut me into little bits, I should enjoy it?”
”I won't forget that,” said Howard; ”anything to please you--you need not mind mentioning any little wishes you may have of that kind.”
They laughed like children, and when they came to the village, they became very ceremonious. At the Vicarage gate they shook hands, and Howard raised his hat. ”You will have to make up for this dignified parting some time,” said Howard. ”Sleep well, my darling child! If you ever wake, you will know that I am thinking of you; not far apart!
Good-night, my sweet one, my only darling.”
Maud put one hand on his shoulder, but did not speak--and then slipped in light-footed through the gate. Howard walked back to the Manor, through the charmed dusk and the fragrance of hidden flowers, full of an almost intolerable happiness, that was akin to pain. The evening star hung in liquid, trembling light above the dark down, the sky fading to a delicious green, the breeze rustled in the heavy-leaved sycamores, and the lights were lit in the cottage windows. Did every home, every hearth, he wondered, mean THAT? Was THAT present in dim and dumb lives, the spirit of love, the inner force of the world? Yes, it was so! That was the secret hidden in the Heart of G.o.d.