Part 6 (1/2)
”Why,” said Mrs. Graves, ”to a great extent because religion is in such an odd state. It is as if the people who knew or suspected the secret, did all they could to conceal it--just as parents try to keep their children ignorant of the ideas of s.e.x. Religion has got so horribly mixed up with other things, with respectability, social order, conventions, doctrines, metaphysics, ceremony, music--it has become so specialised in the hands of priests who have a great inst.i.tution to support, that dust is thrown in people's eyes--and just as they begin to think they perceive the secret, they are surrounded by tiresome dogmatists saying, 'It is this and that--it is this doctrine, that tradition.' Well, that sort of religion IS a very special accomplishment--ecclesiastical religion. I don't deny that it has artistic qualities, but it is a poor narrow product; and then the technically religious make such a fuss if they see the shoal of fish escaping the net, and beat the water so vehemently that the fish think it safer to stay where they are, and so you get sardines in tins!” said Mrs. Graves with a smile--”by which I mean the churches.”
”Yes,” said Howard, ”that is perfectly true! Christianity was at first the most new, radical, original, anarchical force in the world--it was the purest individualism; it was meant to over-ride all human combinations by simply disregarding them; it was not a social reform, and still less a political reform; it was a new spirit, and it was meant to create a new kind of fellows.h.i.+p, the mere existence of which would do away with the need for organisation; it broke meekly, like water, through all human part.i.tions, and I suppose it has been tamed.”
”Yes,” said Mrs. Graves, ”it is not now the world against religion. It is organised religion against real religion, because religion is above and apart from all inst.i.tutions. Christ said, 'When they persecute you in one city, flee into another'; and the result of that is the Monroe doctrine!”
”But are you not a Christian?” said Howard.
”I believe myself to be one,” said Mrs. Graves; ”and no doubt you will say, 'Why do you live in wealth and comfort?' That's a difficulty, because Christ meant us to be poor. But if one hands over one's money to Christian inst.i.tutions now, one is subsidising the forces of the world--at least so I think. It's very difficult. Christ said that we should bestow our goods upon the poor; but if I were to divide my goods to-morrow among my neighbours, they would be only injured by it--it would not be Christian of them to take them--they have enough. If they have not, I give it them. It does less harm to me than to them. But this I know is very irrational; and the point is not to be affected by that. I could live in a cottage tomorrow, if there was need.”
”Yes, I believe you could,” said Howard.
”As long as one is not dependent upon money,” said Mrs. Graves, ”it doesn't very much matter. The real point is to take the world as it comes, and to be sure that one is on the side of what is true and simple and sincere; but I do not pretend to have solved everything, and I am hoping to learn more. I do learn more every day. One can't interfere with the lives of people; poverty is not the worst evil. It is nice to be clean, but I sometimes think that the only good I get from money is cleanliness--and that is only a question of habit! The real point is to be in life, to watch life, to love it, to live it; to be in direct relations with everyone, not to be superior, not to be KIND--that implies superiority. I just plod along, believing, fearing, hoping, loving, glad to live while I may, not afraid to die when I must. The only detachment worth having is the detachment from the idea of making things one's own. I can't appropriate the sunset and the spring, the loves and cares of others; it is all divided up, more fairly than we think. I have had many sorrows and sufferings; but I am more interested than ever in life, glad to help and be helped, ready to change, desiring to change. It isn't a great way of living; but one must not want that--and believe me, dear Howard, it is the only way.”
VIII
THE INHERITANCE
The first day or two of Howard's stay at Windlow seemed like a week, the succeeding week seemed like a day, as soon as he had settled down to a certain routine of life. He became aware of a continued sympathetic and quite un.o.btrusive scrutiny of him, his ways, his tastes, his thoughts, on the part of his aunt--her questions were subtle, penetrating, provocative enough for him to wish to express an opinion. He did not dislike it, and used no diplomacy himself; he found his aunt's mind shrewd, fresh, unaffected, and at the same time inspiring. She habitually spoke with a touch of irony--not bitter irony, but the irony that is at once a compliment and a sign of affection, such as Socrates used to the handsome boys that came about him. She was not in the smallest degree cynical, but she was very decidedly humorous. Howard thought that she did people even more than justice, while she was frankly delighted if they also provided her with amus.e.m.e.nt. She held nothing inconveniently sacred, and Howard admired the fine balance of interest and detachment which she showed, her delight in life, her high faith in something large, eternal, and advancing. Her health was evidently very frail, but she made light of it--it was almost the only thing she did not seem to find interesting.
How could this clever, vivacious woman, Howard asked himself, retain this wonderful freshness and sweetness of mind in such solitude and dulness of life? He could imagine her the centre of a salon--she had all the gifts of a saloniste, the power of keeping a talk in hand, of giving her entire thought to her neighbour, and yet holding the whole group in view. Solitary, frail, secluded as she was, she was like an unrusted sword, and lavished her wit and her affection on all alike, callers, villagers, servants; and yet he never saw her tired or depressed. She took life as she found it, and was delighted with its simplest combinations. He found her company entirely absorbing and inspiring. He told her, in answer to her frank interest--she seemed to be interested on her own account, and not to please him--more about his own life than he had ever told a human being. She always wanted facts, impressions, details: ”Enlarge that--describe that--tell me some more particulars,” were phrases often on her lips. And he was delighted, too, by the belief that her explorations into his mind and life pleased and satisfied her. It dawned on him gradually that she was a woman of rich experience, and that her tranquillity was an aftergrowth, a development--”That was in my discontented days,” she said once. ”It is impossible to think of you as discontented,” he had said. ”Ah,” she said lightly, ”I had my dreams, like everyone else; but I saw at last that one must TAKE life--one can't MAKE it--and accept its limitations with enjoyment.”
One morning, when he was called, the butler gave him a letter--he had been there about a fortnight--from his aunt. He opened it, expecting that it was to say that she was ill. He found that it ran as follows:
”MY DEAR BOY,--I always think that business is best done by letter and not by conversation. I am getting an old woman and my life is uncertain. I want to make a statement of intentions. I may tell you that I am a comparatively wealthy woman; my dear husband left me everything he had; including what he spent on this place, it came to about sixty thousand pounds. Now I intend to leave that back to his family; there are several sisters of his alive, and they are not wealthy people; but I have saved money too; and it is my wish to leave you this house and the residue of my fortune, after arranging for some small legacies. The estate is not worth very much--a great deal of it is wild downland. But you would have the place, when I died, and about twelve hundred a year. It would be understood that you should live here a certain amount--I don't believe in non-resident landlords. But I do not mean to tie you down to live here altogether. It is only my wish that you should do something for your tenants and neighbours. If you stayed on at Cambridge you could come here in vacations. But my hope would be that you might marry. It is a house for a family. If you do not care to live here, I would rather it were sold. While I live, I hope you will be content to spend some time here, and make acquaintance with our neighbours, by which I mean the village people. I shall tell Cousin Frank my intentions, and that will probably suffice to make it known. I have a very great love for the place, and as far as I can see, you will be likely to have the same.
”You need not feel overburdened with grat.i.tude. You are my only near relation; and indeed I may say that if I were to die before I have signed my will, you would inherit all my fortune as next-of-kin. So you will see that instead of enriching you, I am to a great extent disinheriting you! Just tell me simply if you acquiesce. I want no pledges, nor do I want to bind you in any way. I will not say more, except that it has been a very deep delight to me to find a son in my old age. I had always hoped it would turn out so; and in my experience, G.o.d is very careful to give us our desires, just or unjust, great or small.--Your loving Aunt,
”ANNE GRAVES.”
Howard was stupefied for a moment by this communication, but he was more affected by the love and confidence it showed than by the prospect of wealth--wealth was not a thing he had ever expected, or indeed thought much about; but it was a home that he had found. The great lack of his life had been a local attachment, a place where he had reason to live. Cambridge with all its joys had never been quite that. A curious sense of emotion at the thought that the sweet place, the beautiful old house, was to be his own, came over him; and another far-off dream darted into his mind as well, which he did not dare to shape. He got up and wrote a short note.
”MY DEAR AUNT,--Your letter fills me with astonishment. I can only say that I accept in love and grat.i.tude what you offer me. The feeling that I have found a home and a mother, so suddenly and so unexpectedly, fills me with joy and happiness. I think with sadness of all the good years I have missed, by a sort of stupid perversity; but I won't regard that now. I will only thank you once more with all my heart for the proof of affection which your letter gives me.--Your grateful and affectionate nephew,
”HOWARD KENNEDY.”
The old house had a welcoming air as he pa.s.sed through it that morning; it seemed to hold him in its patient embrace, to ask for love. He spent the morning with Jack, but in a curiously distracted mood.
”What has happened to you?” said Jack at the end of the morning. ”You have not been thinking about what you are doing. You seem like a man who has been stroking a winning crew. Has the Master been made a Dean, and have you been elected Master? They say you have a chance.”
Howard laughed and said, ”You are very sharp, Jack! I have NOT been attending. Something very unexpected has happened. I mustn't tell you now, but you will soon know. I have drawn a prize. Now don't pump me!”
”Here's another prize!” said Jack. ”You are to lunch with us to-morrow, and to discuss my future career. There's glory for you! I am not to be present, and father is scheming to get me invited to luncheon here. If he fails, I am to take out some sandwiches and to eat them in the kitchen garden. Maud is to be present, and 'CONFER,' he says, 'though without a vote'!”
Howard met Mrs. Graves in the drawing-room; she kissed him, and holding his hand for a moment said, ”Thank you for your note, my dear boy.
That's all settled, then! Well, it's a great joy to me, and I get more than I give by the bargain. It's a shameless bribe, to secure the company of a charming nephew for a sociable old woman. Some time I shall want to tell you more about the people here--but I won't bore you; and let us just get quietly used to it all. One must not be pompous about money; it is doing it too much honour; and the best of it is that I have found a son.” Howard smiled, kissed the hand which held his, and said no more.
The Vicar turned up in the afternoon, and apologised to Mrs. Graves for asking Howard to luncheon on the following day. ”The fact is,” he said, ”that I am anxious to have the benefit of his advice about Jack's future. I think we ought to look at things from all sorts of angles, and Howard will be able, with his professional knowledge of young men, to correct the tendency to parental bias which is so hard to eliminate.