Part 16 (1/2)

It felt as though she'd given us a glimpse of heaven.

She danced only to devotional songs expressing Bhakthi rasa, the love of G.o.d.

Onstage she became-invisible-”

”Invisible?” I'm not too sure what Paati means, but maybe Dr. Dhanam could teach me to improve my dance in ways I've ignored.

If she doesn't turn me away.

”I'm not explaining well.” Paati sighs. ”How can I?

I never was a dancer.”

The wistfulness in Paati's tone surprises me.

”Did you want to be a dancer, Paati?”

She never hinted at such a desire before.

Or maybe I wasn't listening.

”Dance was too much for me to want.

It was forbidden to Brahmin girls like me.

Those days, dance was practiced only by devadasis: women who were supposed to dedicate their dances to G.o.d.

Bharatanatyam was meant to be a sacred art, through which dancers could reach a higher plane, carrying the audience with them.

They had a measure of freedom, those women of the dancer caste.

Even wealth of their own.

But they paid a price, a terrible price.

They weren't allowed to marry.

And somehow, somewhere along the way, society retracted its promise to respect these women.

They were treated as prost.i.tutes and their sacred art degraded into entertainment to please vile men.”

NAILS.

and

SPEARS.

Thrust out of a nightmare I wake to pain.

Feel nails and spears.

Jabbing.

Flesh throbbing beneath my knee where nothingness should be.

My bladder is full.

I feel for my crutches.

Not by my bed where they should be.

Clenching my teeth to keep from crying out, I fumble for the light switch.

Paati's bed creaks as she s.h.i.+fts.

Her breathing sounds harsher than normal.

I mustn't wake her.

My frantic fingers grope through the blackness searching for my crutches-or my leg.

At last I find my leg under my bed.

A sputter of relief.

Tacking it on, bladder almost bursting, I hurl myself toward the bathroom.

Yank at the door.

My leg isn't on properly.

I slip on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor.

Between my legs a shameful trickle I can't control.