Part 6 (1/2)
”I have no music,” I replied, ”but may I 'say a piece' instead, as the village children put it?” I turned to the Cynic and made him a mock curtsey:
”Small blame is ours For this uns.e.xing of ourselves, and worse Effeminising of the male. We were Content, sir, till you starved us, heart and brain.
All we have done, or wise or otherwise Traced to the root was done for love of you.
Let us taboo all vain comparisons, And go forth as G.o.d meant us, hand in hand.
Companions, mates and comrades evermore; Two parts of one divinely ordained whole.”
”Bravo!” said the squire, and the vicar murmured, ”Thank you,” very politely. The Cynic laughed and rose from his chair.
”I will take it lying down,” he said. ”Mr. Evans, may I look in the cabinet and see if there is anything Miss Holden can sing?”
I had to do it, because the cabinet contained all the Scotch songs I love so well. I was my own accompanist, _faute de mieux_, but the Cynic turned the leaves, and contributed a couple of songs himself. He talks better than he sings. The squire wanted us to try a duet, and the vicar's wife was also very pressing, but one has to draw the line somewhere. The only pieces we both knew were so sentimental that my sense of humour would have tripped me up, I know, and I should have come a cropper.
Just as coffee was brought in the squire asked me if I would sing for him, ”Oh wert thou in the cauld blast.” I saw he really wanted it, so I found the music, though I had to choke back the lump in my throat. I had never sung it since that memorable evening when we sat together--dad and I--on the eve of his death, and he had begged for it with his eyes. ”I know, dad, dear,” I said; ”I must close with your favourite,” and he whispered, ”For the last time, la.s.sie.” And so it had been.
The tears fell as I sang, and the Hall and its inmates faded from my view. The Cynic must have left my side, for when at length I ventured to look round he was across the room examining a curio. But the squire rose and thanked me in a very low voice, and his own eyes were bright with tears that did not fall.
Soon after, the vicar's carriage came, and the Cynic accepted the offer of a lift to the cross-roads. I left at the same time, but the squire insisted on accompanying me. Under cover of the darkness he remarked:
”That was my wife's song. It gave me much pleasure and some pain to hear it again; but it hurt you?”
I told him why, and he said quite simply, ”Then we have another bond in common.”
”Another?” I inquired, but he did not explain; instead he asked:
”How fares your ideal? Have you met him of the cloven foot in Windyridge yet?”
”I fear I brought him with me,” I replied, ”and I fancy I have seen his footprints in the village. All the same, I do not yet regret my decision. I am very happy here and have forgotten some of my London nightmares, and am no longer 'tossed by storm and flood.' My Inner Self and I are on the best of terms.”
He sighed. ”Far be it from me to discourage you; and indeed I am glad that the moors have brought you peace. To brood over wrongs we cannot put right is morbid and unhealthy; it saps our vitality and makes us unfit for the conflicts we have to wage. And yet how easy it is for us to let this consideration lead us to the bypath meadows of indifference and self-indulgence. You remember Tennyson:
”'Is it well that while we range with Science, glorying in the Time, City children soak and blacken soul and sense in city slime?'
”I have led a strenuous life, and taken some part in the battle, but now I have degenerated into a Lotus-eater, with no heart for the fray, 'Lame and old and past my time, and pa.s.sing now into the night.'”
”Nay,” I said, ”let me quote Clough in answer to your Tennyson:
”'Say not the struggle nought availeth, The labour and the wounds are vain.
The enemy faints not nor faileth, And as things have been they remain,
'For while the tired waves, vainly breaking, Seem here no painful inch to gain, Far back, through creeks and inlets making, Comes silent, flooding in, the main.'
”You are no Lotus-eater: no s.h.i.+rker. You are just resting in the garden in the evening of a well-spent day, and that is right.”
”For me there is no rest,” he replied. ”To-morrow I go to Biarritz, and thence wherever my fancy or my doctor's instructions send me; but I shall carry with me the burdens of the village. It is selfish of me to tell you this, for I would not make you sad, but I am a lonely man, and I am going away alone, and somewhat against my will, but Trempest insists.
”I think it has done me good to unburden myself to you, and I will say only this one word more. Always, when I return, there has been some tragedy, great or small, which I think I might have hindered.”
”Surely not,” I murmured, ”in so small a place.”