Part 18 (2/2)
”Then he started calling. I kept hanging up until I finally decided to talk and tell him to go away.”
”What'd he say?”
”All kinds of things. He was very excited and asked if you had hurt me, and practically begged for the chance to talk to me face-to-face. My legs were aching and made me a bit short with him. I said it was the phone or nothing. He asked if I knew what you were and what kind of danger I was in, and what did I know about Maureen, and if I would help, and a lot of other nonsense. I told him he was a very silly and stupid man and never to bother me again, or I'd get the police on him. After that he stopped calling.”
”Good for you.”
”But he still frightens me; not for myself, but for you.”
”I'm safe enough. Anyway, the next time I see him, I'll talk him into going back to New York.”
Her expression was sharp. ”But how can you do that? What will you do?”
”Only talk to him, I won't hurt him. Please, Gaylen, don't worry about it.”
Her eyes dropped and she looked away. ”What will you do?”
Had I been breathing I would have sighed. ”Remember telling me about Jonathan Barrett and how he talked to you just before Maureen came back? That's how I'll talk to Braxton.”
”And you'll ask him about Maureen?”
”Yes.”
She was quiet a moment, thinking.
”I'll let you know what he says. Charles says even negative information is better than none at all.”
”What about him? Has he left yet?”
”He left sometime last night. I guess he was in a hurry to get on with things.”
”But you haven't heard anything from him?”
”Not directly. I tried calling him, but he's gone to a little town called Kingsburg...
Does that ring any bells with you?”
She went still and thought, her heart racing. ”I'm not sure. I think I once got a letter from Maureen from there, but memories fade-I don't know.”
”It could be some other errand as well. He'll let us know.”
”Yes. please, I want to know everything.” But there was a hollow note to her voice, something else was bothering her. What is it?” I asked gently.
She made a brief gesture with her blue-veined hands. ”This is hardly the time... I wish...”
I stayed quiet. She would either talk or not, with or without my encouragement.
Her eyes had changed color. The blue had faded and now they were light gray. Maureen had been the same way when she was upset over something. ”Oh, Jack, how can I put it in words? How can I ask you?”
”Ask what?”
”You can see how it is for me. I'm not well and it seems that with each pa.s.sing day it grows worse; not just my legs, but other things. It's so awful to be like this, to feel so weak and helpless all the time.”
I waited her out, for the moment unsure.
”And I haven't seen Maureen in so long. What if I never see her again? That could happen, I am so afraid it will.”
What she wanted was right in front of me now, and I didn't want to look. She saw the answer in my face long before she could word the question.
”Oh, please. Jack, you can't deny me in this!”
I wanted to get up and put some s.p.a.ce between us, but her eyes held me, eyes full of anguish and asking for something I would not be able to give her.
”I'm sorry.”
”But why not?”
I had no answer. That was the really hard part. I had no answer, no real excuse- and she must have known it. ”Because I can't. You don't know what you're asking.”
”But I do. I'm asking for a chance to live. I'm asking for a body that doesn't hurt all the time. Is it so much to want to be young and healthy again?”
”I'm sorry.” I had to turn away and pace or blow up. Her eyes followed me up and down the small room until I stopped in front of the window to stare out at nothing.
”You don't know what it's like. I'd give anything to go back, to walk in the sun again, to eat food, feel real heat and cold, to feel my heart beating. I have no stability. I can't go back to my family and will never have one of my own. Worst of all, Maureen's gone.”
”And yet she changed you. If the life you have is so awful, why did she do that?”
”Because the kind of love we had would have made it all bearable. There was no guarantee that I even would change, but it was a hope we shared. At the very least we would have been together for as long as I was... alive. But something happened and she had to leave.”
”And if she ever comes back, you'll still be here. I don't have that luxury. She was going to change me, she promised me that in our last talk. You are all of her left to me. All I ask is for you to fulfill a promise she could not keep.”
”Why didn't she do it earlier?””I don't know.” Her eyes held mine steadily, still pleading, then dropped to her lap. ”I don't know.”
She knew and Maureen knew. I didn't and would have to go by my own instincts.
A lot of emotions were getting in my way, and I wasn't sure if I was right to say no, or reading things into her manner that weren't there. I could do as she asked, the chances were very great it wouldn't work, but everything in me recoiled away from taking that step.
”I'm truly sorry, but it's impossible. I can't.”
”No, please don't leave yet.” She stopped my move for the door. ”Please... will you at least just think about it?”
If I said yes, she would know it for a lie. I crossed the room, hat in hand, head down.
”Jack?”
I paused, my back to her. ”I'm sorry. If there's anything else you need, you can call me. But not this.” Then I walked out, my guts gone cold and twisting like snakes.
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