Part 19 (2/2)

'Kate?' Her tone was only moderately accusatory.

'I didn't cheat on him.' I paused. I didn't know how to put it. 'But there's something else I need to tell you, which you might not be that keen to hear.'

'Yes?'

'Well, at the party last night, something happened.'

'What happened?'

'I kissed Mike. Actually, he kissed me and I kissed him back.' If I talked quickly it wouldn't sound as bad, I thought.

She said nothing.

'Jean, I think I'm in love with him and maybe he is too, only I don't know because I haven't talked to him. I wanted to talk to you first.'

She still said nothing.

'I know it's weird, but I really am crazy about him. But if you say so, I'll never even look at him again.' I certainly hadn't planned on saying that, but suddenly it seemed right.

Eventually she spoke: 'You kissed? Last night at the party?'

'Yeah.'

'And that's all?'

'Oh, yeah, absolutely.'

'Did he say anything to you?'

'No.'

'And it was only that one time?'

'Yeah.' I couldn't read her. She seemed calm, but maybe this was the prelude to a violent eruption.

'How long do you think you've been in love with him?'

'I'm not sure. Over the summer. Since ye broke up.'

'Why?'

'Why... what?' I didn't want to antagonize her but I wasn't sure what she was asking.

'Why him? Why did you fall in love with him? You were supposed to be in love with somebody else.'

'I know... I've always liked him. Maybe when you didn't want him any more, I saw him differently. I don't know. Or perhaps I've always loved him.'

She finished her wine. She sighed. 'I don't believe it,' she said.

'What?'

'I don't f.u.c.king believe it.'

'I'm sorry.'

'There we all are, having birthday parties and engagement parties for you, and all the time you're eyeing up Mike. You're incredible.'

'I wasn't eyeing him up. I didn't even know I was in love with him. At least, not until Keith told me. And I was never going to do anything about it.'

'Until Keith Keith told you?' She was looking at me as if I'd sprouted another head. told you?' She was looking at me as if I'd sprouted another head.

'He seemed more aware of it than I was.'

'So instead of giving you a b.o.l.l.o.c.king, he sent you running into his arms!'

'Well, I suppose he didn't want me if I was in love with someone else.'

'But Mike! Honest to G.o.d, Kate, do you hear yourself? You're saying you're in love with the man I've been married to for the last fifteen years. This isn't just anybody you're talking about.'

'I know, I know it sounds dreadful and, believe me, I was never going to act on it, but last night... I've never felt this way before...'

'Oh, Jesus, Kate, give me a break.'

This wasn't going well. It was only the memory of Mike's lips on mine that kept me from running out and never coming back.

She said nothing more for a while, then: 'So what about Mike? Has he been l.u.s.ting after you all these years?'

'I don't know. I haven't spoken to him.'

'I need another drink.' She got up and went to the bar. My betrayal seemed to be written on her back as she stood there, unmoving, for what felt like an age. When she came back she sat opposite me. 'So, what's your plan now?'

'I don't have one.' I paused. 'But I thought I might go and talk to Mike. If that's OK with you.'

'Oh, f.u.c.k, I don't care. I mean, I left him. I don't want him any more. He can kiss and s.h.a.g whoever he wants.' She gave a disgusted little laugh. 'But did it have to be you?'

'I'm sorry.'

'I always knew he had a soft spot for you, but I'd no idea it went this far.'

There was a coldness in her tone that made me feel sick.

'I might be getting all worked up over nothing. It was only a kiss. He was probably just drunk and h.o.r.n.y.'

'Mike doesn't do drunk and h.o.r.n.y. If he kissed you it was because he meant to.'

I said nothing.

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