Part 41 (1/2)

”Ah! now I am with you; I remember.... That is why Saint John of the Cross declares that it is impossible to describe the sorrows of that night, and why he exaggerates nothing when he says, that one is then plunged alive into h.e.l.l.

”And I doubted the veracity of his books, I accused him of excess; rather he minimized. Only one must have felt this oneself to believe it.”

”And you have seen nothing,” the oblate replied quietly; ”you have pa.s.sed through the first portion of that night, through the night of the senses; it is terrible enough, as I know by experience, but it is nothing in comparison with the Night of the Spirit which sometimes succeeds it. That is the exact image of the sufferings which our Lord endured in the Garden of Olives, when, sweating blood, He cried at the end of His force, 'Lord, let this chalice pa.s.s from me.'

”This is so terrible ...” and M. Bruno was silent and grew pale.

”Whoever has undergone that martyrdom,” he said, after a pause, ”knows beforehand what awaits the d.a.m.ned in another life.”

”But,” said the monk, ”the hour of bed-time has struck. There exists but one remedy for all these evils, the Holy Eucharist; to-morrow, Sunday, the community approaches the Sacrament; you must join us.”

”But I cannot communicate in the state in which I am....”

”Well, then, be up to-night, at three o'clock. I will come for you to your cell, and will take you to Father Maximin, who confesses us at that time.”

And without waiting for his answer, the guest-master pressed his hand and went.

”He is right,” said the oblate; ”it is the true remedy.”

And when he had regained his room, Durtal thought,

”I now understand why the Abbe Gevresin made such a point of lending me Saint John of the Cross; he knew that I should enter into the 'Night Obscure'; he did not dare warn me clearly, for fear of alarming me, and yet he would put me on my guard against despair, and aid me by the remembrance here of that reading. Only how could he think that in such a s.h.i.+pwreck I should remember anything!

”All this makes me think that I have omitted to write to him, and that to-morrow I must keep my promise by sending him a letter.”

And he thought again of Saint John of the Cross, that extraordinary Carmelite who described so placidly that terrible phase of the mystic genesis.

He took count of the lucidity, the power of spirit of this saint, explaining the most obscure vicissitude of the soul and the least known, catching and following the operations of G.o.d, who dealt with that soul, pressed it in His hands, squeezed it like a sponge, then let it suck up again, fill itself out with sorrows, then wrung it again; making it drip tears of blood to cleanse it.

CHAPTER VI.

”No,” said Durtal, in a whisper, ”I will not take the place of these good people.”

”But I a.s.sure you it is quite the same to them.”

And while Durtal was still refusing to go before the lay brothers who were waiting their turn for confession, Father Etienne insisted: ”I will stay with you, and as soon as the cell is free, you will enter.”

Durtal was then on the landing of a staircase on every step of which was posted a brother kneeling or standing, his head wrapped in his hood, his face turned to the wall. All were sifting and closely examining their souls.

”Of what sins can they really accuse themselves?” thought Durtal. ”Who knows?” he continued, perceiving Brother Anacletus, his head sunk on his breast, and his hands joined, ”who knows if he does not reproach himself for the discreet affection he has for me; for in monasteries all friends.h.i.+p is forbidden!”

And he called to memory in the ”Way of Perfection” of Saint Teresa, a page at once glowing and icy in which she cries out on the nothingness of human ties, declares that friends.h.i.+p is a weakness, and a.s.serts clearly that every nun who desires to see her relations is imperfect.

”Come,” said Father Etienne, who interrupted these reflections, and pushed him towards the door of the cell out of which a monk came. Father Maximin was there, seated close to a prie-Dieu.

Durtal knelt, and told him briefly his scruples and strifes of the evening before.

”What has happened to you is not surprising after a conversion; indeed, it is a good sign, for those persons alone for whom G.o.d has views are submitted to these proofs,” said the monk slowly, when Durtal had ended his story.