Part 7 (2/2)
”But,” continued the abbe, ”it was with it, as with those holy women, who, if we believe their biographers, recovered by a life of prayer the virginity they had formerly lost. Our Lady washed it from its violation, and though it is comparatively modern, it is at the present day saturated with emanations, infused by effluences of angels, penetrated with divine drugs, it is for sick souls what certain thermal springs are for the body. People keep their season there, make their novenas, and obtain their cure.
”Now to come back to our point; I tell you you will do wisely, if on your bad evenings you will attend Benediction in that church. I shall be surprised if you do not come out cleansed and at peace.”
”If he have only that to offer me, it is little enough,” thought Durtal.
And after a disappointed silence he rejoined,
”But, Monsieur l'Abbe, even were I to visit that sanctuary, and follow the offices in other churches, when temptations a.s.sail me, even were I to confess and draw near the Sacraments, how would that advantage me? I should meet as I came out the woman whose very sight inflames my senses, and it would be with me as after my leaving St. Severin all unnerved; the very feeling of tenderness which I had in the chapel would destroy me, and I should fall back into sin.”
”What do you know about it?” and the priest suddenly rose, and took long strides through the room.
”You have no right to speak thus, for the virtue of the Sacrament is formal, the man who has communicated is no longer alone. He is armed against others and defended against himself,” and crossing his arms before Durtal he exclaimed,--
”To lose one's soul for the pleasure of momentary gratification! what madness. And since the time of your conversion, does not that disgust you?”
”Yes, I am disgusted with myself, but only after my swinish desires are satisfied. If only I could gain true repentance.”
”Rest a.s.sured,” said the abbe, who sat down again, ”you will find it.”
And, seeing that Durtal shook his head,
”Remember what Saint Teresa said: 'One trouble of those who are beginning is, that they cannot recognize whether they have true repentance for their faults; but they have it, and the proof is their sincere resolution to serve G.o.d.' Think of that sentence, for it applies to you; that repugnance to your sins which wearies you is witness to your regret, and you have a desire to serve the Lord, since you are in fact struggling to go to Him.”
There was a moment of silence.
”Well, then, Monsieur l'Abbe, what is your advice?”
”I advise you to pray in your own house, in church, everywhere, as much as you can. I do not prescribe any religious remedy, I simply invite you to profit by some precepts of pious hygiene, afterwards we will see.”
Durtal remained undecided, discontented, like those sick persons who find fault with doctors, who, to satisfy them, prescribe only colourless drugs.
The priest laughed.
”Confess,” he said, looking him in the face, ”confess that you are saying to yourself, 'It was not worth while to put myself out, for I am no further advanced, this good fellow, the priest, practises expectant medicine; instead of cutting short my crises with energetic remedies, he palters, advises me to go to bed early, not to catch cold--'”
”Oh, Monsieur l'Abbe,” protested Durtal.
”Yet I do not wish to treat you like a child, or talk to you like a woman; now attend to me!
”The way in which your conversion has worked leaves me in no doubt whatever. There has been what Mysticism calls the divine touch, only--note this--G.o.d has dispensed with human intervention, even with the interference of a priest, to bring you back into the road you have left for more than twenty years.
”Now we cannot reasonably suppose that the Lord has acted lightly, and that He will now leave His work unaccomplished. He will carry it through if you put no obstacle in His way.
”In fact you are at this moment like a block in His hands; what will He do with it? I do not know, but since He has kept to Himself the conduct of your soul, let Him act; be patient, He will explain His action; trust in Him, He will help you; be content to protest with the Psalmist: 'Doce me facere voluntatem tuam, quia Deus meus es tu.'
”I tell you again I believe in the preventive virtue, the formal power of the Sacraments. I quite understand the system of Pere Milleriot, who obliged those persons to communicate whom he thought would afterwards fall again into sin. For their only penance he obliged them to communicate again and again, and he ended by purifying them with the Sacred Species, taken in large doses. It is a doctrine at once realistic and exalted.
”But rea.s.sure yourself,” continued the abbe, looking at Durtal, who seemed wearied, ”I do not intend to experiment on you in this way; on the contrary, my advice is that in the state of ignorance in which we are of G.o.d's will, you abstain from the Sacraments.
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