Part 41 (1/2)

Prophetic dream! by some good angel sent To make me with a quiet life content.

The question shall no more my bosom irk, To go to Was.h.i.+ngton or go to work.

From Fame's debasing struggle I'll withdraw, And taking up the pen lay down the law.

I'll leave this rogue, lest my example make An honest man of him--his heart would break.

_(Exit De Young.)_

ESTEE:

Out of my company these converts flee, But that advantage is denied to me: My curst ident.i.ty's confining skin Nor lets me out nor tolerates me in.

Well, since my hopes eternally have fled, And, dead before, I'm more than ever dead, To find a grander tomb be now my task, And pack my pork into a stolen cask.

_(Exit, searching. Loud calls for the Author, who appears, bowing and smiling_.)

AUTHOR _(singing):_

Jack Satan's the greatest of G.o.ds, And h.e.l.l is the best of abodes.

'Tis reached, through the Valley of Clods, By seventy different roads.

Hurrah for the Seventy Roads!

Hurrah for the clods that resound With a hollow, thundering sound!

Hurrah for the Best of Abodes!

We'll serve him as long as we've breath-- Jack Satan the greatest of G.o.ds.

To all of his enemies, death!-- A home in the Valley of Clods.

Hurrah for the thunder of clods That smother the soul of his foe!

Hurrah for the spirits that go To dwell with the Greatest of G.o.ds;

_(Curtain falls to faint odor of mortality. Exit the Gas_.)

THE BIRTH OF THE RAIL

DRAMATIS PERSONae

LELAND, THE KID _a Road Agent_ COWBOY CHARLEY _Same Line of Business_ HAPPY HUNTY _Ditto in All Respects_ SOOTYMUG _a Devil_

_Scene_--the Dutch Flat Stage Road, at 12 P.M., on a Night of 1864.

COWBOY CHARLEY:

My boss, I fear she is delayed to-night.

Already it is past the hour, and yet My ears have reached no sound of wheels; no note Melodious, of long, luxurious oaths Betokens the traditional dispute (Unsettled from the dawn of time) between The driver and off wheeler; no clear chant Nor carol of Wells Fargo's messenger Unbosoming his soul upon the air-- his prowess to the tender-foot, And how at divers times in sundry ways He strewed the roadside with our carca.s.ses.

Clearly, the stage will not come by to-night.

LELAND, THE KID:

I now remember that but yesterday I saw three ugly looking fellows start From Colfax with a gun apiece, and they Did seem on business of importance bent.

Furtively casting all their eyes about And covering their tracks with all the care That business men do use. I think perhaps They were Directors of that rival line, The great Pacific Mail. If so, they have Indubitably taken in that coach, And we are overreached. Three times before This thing has happened, and if once again These outside operators dare to cut Our rates of profit I shall quit the road And take my money out of this concern.

When robbery no longer pays expense It loses then its chiefest charm for me, And I prefer to cheat--you hear me shout!