Part 33 (1/2)

'Tis true he is not quite a priest, Nor more than half a preacher; But he exhorts as loud at least As any living creature.

And when the plate is pa.s.sed about He never takes a penny out.

From Buddha down to Rankin! There,-- I never did intend to.

This pen's a buzzard's quill, I swear, Such subjects to descend to.

When from the humming-bird I've wrung A plume I'll write of Mike de Young.

AN IDLER

Who told Creed Haymond he was witty?--who Had nothing better in this world to do?

Could no greased pig's appeal to his embrace Kindle his ardor for the friendly chase?

Did no dead dog upon a vacant lot, Bloated and bald, or curdled in a clot, Stir his compa.s.sion and inspire his arms To hide from human eyes its faded charms?

If not to works of piety inclined, Then recreation might have claimed his mind.

The harmless game that shows the feline greed To cinch the shorts and make the market bleed[A]

Is better sport than victimizing Creed; And a far livelier satisfaction comes Of knowing Simon, autocrat of thumbs.[B]

If neither worthy work nor play command This gentleman of leisure's heart and hand, Then Mammon might his idle spirit lift By hope of profit to some deed of thrift.

Is there no cheese to pare, no flint to skin, No tin to mend, no gla.s.s to be put in, No housewife worthy of a morning visit, Her rags and sacks and bottles to solicit?

Lo! the blind sow's precarious pursuit Of the aspiring oak's familiar fruit!-- 'Twould more advantage any man to steal This easy victim's undefended meal Than tell Creed Haymond he has wit, and so Expose the state to his narcotic flow!

[Footnote A: ”p.u.s.s.y Wants a Corner.”]

[Footnote B: ”Simon Says Thumbs Up.”]

THE DEAD KING

Hawaii's King resigned his breath-- Our Legislature guffawed.

The awful dignity of death Not any single rough awed.

But when our Legislators die All Kings, Queens, Jacks and Aces cry.

A PATTER SONG

There was a cranky Governor-- His name it wasn't Waterman.

For office he was hotter than The love of any lover, nor Was Boruck's threat of aiding him Effective in dissuading him-- This pig-headed, big-headed, singularly self-conceited Governor Nonwaterman.

To citrus fairs, _et caetera_, He went about philandering, To pride of parish pandering.