Chapter 3 Part1 (1/2)

CHAPTER 3 (Part one)

Mahnu didn't know how to react to the King's thoughts and her own. After such a long existence, it was surprising that there was still something she had not felt before.

Shaking her head, she decided that it didn't matter. She wanted to help.

It has nothing to do with how he treats her or his voice that even touches her skin. She will find answers, help with a few things and leave like she usually did. Nothing was going to change. I will be on my own again and they will live on...To die...

The thought of life leaving her here all the time, unable to follow others, was still painful to her.

That's right, she thought, I deserve to stay her for eternity. Not even worth crying for.

Mahnu was reminded that she had to endure this till the end, living on as the betrayer of her own kind. For what I have done, living as an immortal and enduring all the sufferings, surely is paying a price. And hopefully, in time, I will pay enough so that I can go into eternal slumber.

It was due to so many reasons, such as loneliness, regret, self-hatred, desperation, the unstoppable continued suffering of the people that Mahnu even lost her speech. With all her might, she tried to stop the feelings and thoughts by helping nonstop by not eating or sleeping but it didn't work.

…It was endless.

Since then, she has continued not to bother to eat and take the people’s food and it has been many centuries now that sleep has deprived her.

She knows her selfish wish for the sufferings to stop so that she could sleep was something that would never happen. She had even tried to put herself in another chest like the other G.o.d’s, feeling that even that would be better than being stuck in Kralaide forever.

And when she had lost her voice, she also had lost the reason to talk.

Talking, she has thought for a long time, can be misunderstood and misleading, I still don't see the point to it.

Mahnu sighed.

Then there was a time when I was in an abandoned, run down, hut and I had laid there unmoving for so long that I was sure I didn't exist for a short period.

I had gotten mentally unstable over all the emotions that had swirled in my head. I didn't know what I had been thinking or feeling anymore, she thought, I couldn't pinpoint what emotion it was. And going through that helped me conclude that I was better off not feeling anything. It was years of starving myself, unmoving on the dirty floor trying to feel and think of absolutely nothing.

Finally, I had figured out that I'm better off not asking questions. I gave myself a small wish then, to sleep and wanted to live by that even though I knew that I was in denial.

What saddens me sometimes is that I can’t go back to that state now, she thought. When I want to feel like nothing, I can’t do it. It’s like I awoke, that the me before was asleep. And now, I can’t seem to close my eyes anymore.

Mahnu didn't quite give up on the concept of being nothing and that's why her wish ends with sleep. What she thinks awoken her was someone that had come in to the hut one day and surprised her when the first thing they did was ask her if she was alright.

That had been enough to revive me from the pitch-black hole I had been in. There were humans that were indeed caring.

That had made me feel bad as I was someone that could help people and there I was wallowing. Wasting my time and feeling useless.

So, with that renewed hope, Mahnu had continued to help the humans but always staying out of sight or leaving them before a connection could be made.

Yes, being alone is my destiny. Because if I get close...Questions...Mahnu breathed in and closed her eyes. If going with the King brings no questions it should be bearable, she thought.

Mahnu silently follows them towards Conrella on horseback, much to her dislike. She was aware of the King's eyes on her, which brought that feeling of embarra.s.sment again.

Why? She asked herself, even though for reasons unknown to her, she found herself liking his attention on her but at the same time unable to meet his eyes.

As the first night came, Mahnu knew the exact second the King had fallen asleep. It was when the past came before her mind and she could remember it vividly.

Again, it was through the eyes of King Maximus and not her own.

“Did they follow?” King Maximus had asked his loyal Knight Daniel.

“Yes, Your Majesty. It is said they are following but taking their time.”

King Maximus had looked over the land that was close to the town now called Nowell, and wondered if it would all end here. If The Chest of the G.o.d’s didn’t work, it was inevitable they would all die or become slaves to the G.o.d’s.

“Your Majesty! King Maximus!”

The King had looked around to find the scout they had dispatched earlier, running towards them and quite breathless. “Your…Majesty…They are…With some of us!...They are all carrying weapons and…armour!”

“Us, meaning humans?”

“Yes, Your Majesty.” The scout replied.

The G.o.d’s are playing dirty, King Maximus had thought. Using our own to fight their battles, they really think this is a game!