Part 1 (1/2)

Letters of Major Jack Downing, of the Downingville Militia.

by Seba Smith.

INTRODUCTION.

DOWNINGVILLE, July 15, 1864.

_To the Editors of the Da-Book_:

SURS: I got your letter tellin me that Mister Bromley and k.u.mpany wanted to print my letters in book form, and as you seem to think they understand such kind of work, and are proper persons to do it, I ain't got eny perticaler objecs.h.i.+ns. It is now jest thirty years sence my first Book of Letters was printed by Harper and k.u.mpany, but I hear that they have turned Abolis.h.i.+nists sence then, and if that is so, I wouldn't let 'em print a book of mine for love nor money.

After I got your letter, I sot down and writ the Kernel, askin his opinion as to printin the Letters in book form, and he wrote back to me rite off, saying I must do it without fale. The Kernel has got 'em all cut out of the papers and put in a sc.r.a.p book, but it's kinder onhandy, and he wants to get 'em in better shape. I've promised him that you would send him a copy jest as soon as it was out, and you must not fale to tell Bromley and k.u.mpany to do so. I also writ the Kernel that I thought it would be a good idee to issue a Proclamas.h.i.+n, ordering all the people to buy the book, espes.h.i.+lly the Loyal Leegers, the soldiers in the army, all the Tax-Collectors, Custom-House Officers, Provo-Marshalls, Postmasters, Copperheads, War Dimmecrats, Abolis.h.i.+nists, Black Republikins, etc., etc. The Kernel sed it was a capital idee, and he told me to write it for him. He sed Seward had wrote most all of his Proclamas.h.i.+ns, but he would trust me to write this. He sed he looked upon my letters as ”Pub. Doc,” and hence Congrissmen ought to frank 'em, and reed 'em, too. He said he didn't mind the little jokes in 'em on him, for ef there was anything on arth he could forgive a man for, it was for makin a joke. He didn't see how eny one who knew enuf to make one could help doin it.

So I have writ a Proclamas.h.i.+n, which you will find at the bottom of this letter, which you can print with it. I think when Ginneral Banks, and Rosykrans, and all them Ginnerals who sometimes stop books and papers, read it, they will understand that it will not answer to interfere with my book.

There is one thing that makes me a little bashful about publis.h.i.+n a book. My eddicas.h.i.+n was not very well taken keer of when I was a boy, and the consequence is, I ain't quite so smart in grammer and spellin as sum peepil. But one thing is certain, I allers make myself understood, and that, after all, is the main thing. I want Bromley and k.u.mpany to fix up the spellin a leetle, and then I think the book will pa.s.s muster.

I don't ever expect to live to write anuther book; in fact, I don't want to. I have labored as hard for the good of my kentry as any man in it, and yet I've lived to see it all go to rack and ruin. I don't raly know whether I shall write anuther letter, for a man of my years don't feel like such work. But there is one thing I feel sure of. Though the clouds look dark and black now, and though I don't expect to live to see everything all rite again, yet the Dimmocracy will triumph in the end. There is no blottin that out. It is in the natur of things. Peepel are naterally Dimmocrats, so old Ginneral Jackson used to say, and it takes a good deal of hard lying to make 'em enything else. Sometimes the liars get the upper-hand for a time, jest as they have now, but it can't last always.

I don't want you to put any preface to my book, for I have most always found that prefaces are filled full of falsehoods. I jest want my book to go on its merits, if it has eny. I've tried to tell the truth about politics, as I understand it, and ef Linkin had only taken my advice, the kentry would now be nigh about as good as new. But he wouldn't do it, and so I've left him to get out of the sc.r.a.pe he is in the best way he can. The Kernel, however, don't think any the less of me because I've been plane with him. He thinks my idees of n.i.g.g.e.rs are all rong, and I think his are all rong, and there is jest where we split, for turn this question upside down or inside out, and, after all, the n.i.g.g.e.r is at the bottom of it. Jest as a man's idees run on n.i.g.g.e.rs, jest about in that style will be his views on the war. Take an out-an-out Abolis.h.i.+nist, who thinks n.i.g.g.e.rs are a little better than white folks, and he is for subjugas.h.i.+n, confiskas.h.i.+n, and exterminas.h.i.+n to the bitter end. Ef he thinks n.i.g.g.e.rs are jest as good as white folks, but no better, then he is a little milder on the South; and so on down through every grade of a war man, the bitterness agin the South runs jest about even with the ignorince about n.i.g.g.e.rs. Finally, the man who knows jest what n.i.g.g.e.rs are fit for and what they need to make 'em useful and happy, is the strongest opponent of the war. So you see this proves that the n.i.g.g.e.r is at the bottom of the hull war.

There are, however, a good many things that make matters worse.

Greenbacks, offices, &c. are terribul upon corruptin the peepul. Almost every other man has an office now-a-days, and them that ain't got office are interested in greenbacks. It will take a hard pull to get the present party out of power; but ef the Dimmocrats will only be honest and plucky, they can do it. I want to live long enuff to vote the Dimmocratic ticket this fall, and help do it.

Yours till deth,

MAJER JACK DOWNING

”A. LINKIN'S PROCLAMAs.h.i.+N CONCERNING MAJER JACK DOWNING'S BOOK.

”WAs.h.i.+NGTON, July 15, 1864.

”Whereas, my friend, Majer Jack Downing, of the Downingville Milisha, has issued a Book of Letters, containing his views on Public Affairs, the War, &c., &c.

”Now, therefore, I do hereby issue this my Proclamas.h.i.+n, enjoyning upon every loyal as well as disloyal citisen, includin Loyal Leegers, Abolis.h.i.+nists, Republikans, War Dimmocrats, Copperheads, Clay Banks, Charcoals, &c., to buy this book and to read the same, under penalty of the confiscation of all their property, including n.i.g.g.e.rs of every decrips.h.i.+n. Furthermore, all officers under me, whether civil, military, or otherwise, are hereby ordered, under penalty of court marshal, to purchase the sed book and read it.

This order applies to all Postmasters and their clerks (who are also ordered to a.s.sist in the sale of the book), to all Custom-House officials, to all Provo-Marshalls, to all Tax Collectors, a.s.sessors, Recruteing officers, Runners, Brokers, Bounty Jumpers, and espeshally to all Government Swindlers, Contractors, Defaulters, &c., to all Furrin Amba.s.sadors, Ministers Penetentiaries, and their Secretaries of Litigation, also to Ministers of the Gospil, Tract Distributers, n.i.g.g.e.r Missionaries, male and female, &c., &c. Furthermore, Ginnerals Grant, Sherman, and all other Ginnerals, includin Ginneral Banks, will see to it that the Majer's letters are widely circulated in their armies, as the menny good stories of mine, as well as the Majer's, in the book, will keep the sojers in good sperits.

”Furthermore, if eny disloyal edditer shall presume to say enything against this book, or advise eny person not to sell or circulate the same, or aid and abet them in so doing, he shall at once be arrested and his paper stopped.

”Further, if eny person, in order to avoid the penalties mentioned above, shall borrow said book, he shall, if it be proved, be fined $1000 in gold. If there be no proof, he shall be sent to Fort La Fayette.

”Finally, every person purchasing a copy of the Majer's Letters shall be exempt from the draft. All others are at once to be seized and sent to the front.

”Done in this my city of Was.h.i.+ngton, in the fourth year of my reign.

”A. LINKIN.”