Part 12 (1/2)

- Makes me think of Alan Baron for some reason. Are you still in touch with him? Did he ever publish anything? Always telling me about Tantric yoga and how I should try it. He wanted to show it to me.

- So, did he?

- You're kidding.

She was leafing through the pages with her long thumbs.

- They're always talking about Tantric yoga, she said, or telling you about their big d.i.c.ks. Not you, though. So, how is Pam, incidentally? I couldn't really tell. Is she happy?

- She's very happy.

- That's nice. And you have a little girl now, how old is she again?

- Her name is Chloe. She's six.

- Oh, she's big. They know a lot at that age, don't they? They know and they don't know, she said. She closed the book and put it down. Their bodies are so pure. Does Chloe have a nice body?

- You'd kill for it, he said casually.

- A perfect little body. I can picture it. Do you give her baths? I bet you do. You're a model father, the father every little girl ought to have. How will you be when she's bigger, I wonder? When the boys start coming around.

- There're not going to be a lot of boys coming around.

- Oh, for G.o.d's sake. Of course, there will. They'll be coming around just quivering. You know that. She'll have b.r.e.a.s.t.s and that first, soft pubic hair.

- You know, Carol, you're disgusting.

- You don't like to think of it, that's all. But she's going to be a woman, you know, a young woman. You remember how you felt about young women at that age. Well, it didn't all stop with you. It continues, and she'll be part of it, perfect body and all. How is Pam's, by the way?

- How's yours?

- Can't you tell?

- I wasn't paying attention.

- Do you still have s.e.x? she asked unconcernedly.

- There are times.

- I don't. Rarely.

- That's a little hard to believe.

- It never measures up, that's the trouble. It's never what it should be or used to be. How old are you now? You look a little heavier. Do you exercise? Do you go to the steam room and look down at yourself?

- I don't have the time.

- Well, if you had more time. If you were free you'd be able to steam, shower, put on fresh clothes, and, let's see, not too early to go down to, what, the Odeon and have a drink and see if anyone's there, any girls. You could have the bartender offer them a drink or simply talk to them yourself, ask if they were doing anything for dinner, if they had any plans. As easy as that. You always liked good teeth. You liked slim arms and, how to put it, great t.i.ts, not necessarily big-good-sized, that's all. And long legs. Do you still like to tie their hands? You used to like to, it's always exciting to find out if they'll let you do it or not. Tell me, Chris, did you love me?

- Love you? He was leaning back in the chair. For the first time she had the impression he might have been drinking a little more than usual these days. Just the look of his face. I thought about you every minute of the day, he said. I loved everything you did. What I liked was that you were absolutely new and everything you said and did was. You were incomparable. With you I felt I had everything in life, everything anyone ever dreamed of. I adored you.

- Like no other woman?

- There was no one even close. I could have feasted on you forever. You were the intended.

- And Pam? You didn't feast on her?

- A little. Pam is something different.

- In what way?

- Pam doesn't take all that and offer it to someone else. I don't come back from a trip unexpectedly and find an unmade bed where you and some guy have been having a lovely time - It wasn't that lovely.

- That's too bad.

- It was far from lovely.

- So, why did you do it, then?

- I don't know. I just had the foolish impulse to try something different. I didn't know that real happiness lies in having the same thing all the time.

She looked at her hands. He noticed again her long, flexible thumbs.

- Isn't that right? she asked coolly.

- Don't be nasty. Anyway, what do you know about true happiness?

- Oh, I've had it.

- Really?

- Yes, she said. With you.

He looked at her. She did not return his look, nor was she smiling.

- I'm going to Bangkok, she said. Well, Hong Kong first. Have you ever stayed at the Peninsula Hotel?

- I've never been to Hong Kong.

- They say it's the greatest hotel anywhere, Berlin, Paris, Tokyo.

- Well, I wouldn't know.

- You've been to hotels. Remember Venice and that little hotel by the theater? The water in the street up to your knees?

- I have a lot of work to do, Carol.

- Oh, come on.

- I have a business.