5 Traces Pt.1 (1/2)

Everything was orange by the time we stepped outside the clinic. The sun was sinking into the horizon slowly and slowly. It was calming.

My hand was clutched with Kyo's as we were ready to walk back to our home.

Before I could uproot my feet, I inhaled heavily, to let all the stress out.

That was I lie. I had to prepare myself so that I can tell majority of the junk that was my past.

By the time I opened my eyes, I realized Kyo was looking at me, concerned.

”Don't worry, doll. Everything is Ok.”

It was hard to keep the smile on my face, so I didn't force myself. When all the emotions were washed away from my face, I said with a blank look, ”I guess we have some talking to do when we get home.”

Saying that, we started walking towards our home, hand in hand.

”About what?” she was curious.

”About my past, Kyo. When I met you. No, we will have to go even before that.”

”Mad, don't forget. You don't have to do this. We don't have to force ourselves to have a baby. Why don't you let me conceive- ”

”No! you are not to do that. I'm not trying to rob you of the joy, but with the job I have, I can get some benefits from being a mother. That will support us for a while. Most importantly, I want you with me all the time. I won't be there if you are pregnant, and that bothers me to no end. Therefore, I want to become pregnant and want you to give our baby the strongest foundation for its life.”

I threw my head down. I didn't want to face anybody.

Kyo was dumbstruck with my statement. I don't think she realized how deep I had thought about it.

How could I not?

Soon after our marriage, Kyo expressed her desire to have a family with me. I worked hard for almost a year and a half to get noticed by the higher ups. I made connections, so that when the time comes, I can have uninterrupted peace with Kyo and our baby.

I succeeded in every aspect, except the most important one.

I couldn't conceive.

Not one.

Not the second time.

Not the third.

Not even the fourth.

I failed five times, or rather my body didn't.

My conscience did.

Had I already taken a dip in my darkest moment?

Was life only this long?

Kyo applied with a little pressure on my hand.

I came out from my slumber. The crowd which was muted, hustled and bustled again. Once again, she had to use her presence to snap me out of myself.

I looked up at her face, and she was on the border of crying.

”Aahh! No No No Kiyomi. No crying in the public. You know your wife is a stupid idiot right? Just calm down.”

I really didn't want her to have any kind of stress because of me. So I started browsing my surroundings.

If only I could find a burger place. Or an Ice cream Parlor. Or a toy shop.

I was spinning my head like crazy, when I found all three in the same block. They were 200 Meters away to our left.

I grabbed Kyo's hand and rushed inside of the burger joint.

She was almost starting to sob a little. I needed to hurry.

Luckily there was nobody in the line, so we got to order first.

The cashier was startled when he saw two ladies rushing into the restaurant with such enthusiasm for some burgers.

”Welcome to M-”

”No time. I want a chicken burger with extra cheese, extra mayo. I want a jumbo coke with fries as well as onion rings.”I repeated Kyo's usual order like a parrot.

The cashier was bewildered.

I shot him a look of confusion, followed by the face full of dusigust.

”Can you not see this lady is passionate about burgers?” I held Kyo's hand I was grabbing.

He saw a side of her face, and i guess he saw the wet eyes of hers.

”Ho-Hold on. I will prepare your order right now.” The cashier ran into the kitchen.

I turned my attention back to my over caring wife.

”Kyo, babe. I have ordered your burger for you. Please smile.”

”Mad, I love you. Please tell me what bothers you. Are we not a team?” Kyo uttered the words slowly between her sobs.

That hit my heart like a wrecking ball.

What am I even doing? I have the most innocent and lovely human right besides me, and I am going to keep her in dark? And for how long? Cmon Mad, are you so pathetic that you cant even tell your secrets to your own wife?

That will not be acceptable, myself. Muster up and stop fussing. You want to give Kyo a baby, you have to clean you conscience.

Kyo was standing besides me, crying softly. The cashier came back with a full tray.

”Eh Mam, you can eat first. Pay me later.”

”No, Its fine. How much?”

The cashier reluctantly said, ”One hundred and Twenty Four Rupees, Please.”

I let go of Kyo's hand and shuffled my purse for a Five hundred rupees bill. After pocketing the change, I picked up the tray full of hot food.

I looked back at Kyo, who was trying to hold herself.

I made her cry again.

Damn it all. Damn it all to hell!

I turned my face and started walking in the restaurant, looking for a corner table.

I found one at the end of the shop and acquired the table. Kyo followed me to the table like a lost child. We sat on either side and I told Kyo to eat. She opposed at first, but her glitching said otherwise.

”Kyo, stuff you face, and while you do that, I will tell you what the doctor told me.”

She gave me a soft nod and started stripping the burger from the napkin covering its luscious buns.

She relished the sight of a hot burger and took a big chunk of it from a single bite.

I had my hand under my chin, and looking at her while she enjoyed her burger was one of my favorite activity to do.

She continued to eat and drink with no care of the world. The tears had dried up, and the meal in front of her had her complete attention.

She always ate in a singular order.