Part 13 (2/2)
”Did he kiss you?”
Helen's color deepened.
”You don't have to tell me. You just did... Why don't you run away with him, since you love him so much?”
”I can't.”
”Why? Hasn't he asked you?”
”No. He wouldn't.”
”But why? Doesn't he love you?”
Helen closed her eyes and brought Andrew's face up in her mind. Oh yes, he does! But she did not respond.
”It can't simply be because he's a Campbell and you a MacGregor! Mother or father can't forbid you to marry him anymore. Why, Helen?”
I wish I could tell. She needed to share her secret. To confide in somebody who would understand her pain, who would share the heavy load, help her endure it.
”Helen, please tell me. We've always been so close.”
”Because he's our half-brother.” It was out.
Betty raised a hand to her mouth, sucking in her breath. ”How do you know?”
”Mother confessed to me that Andrew was her own son after I told her that he wanted to marry me ... almost four years ago. She got with child when she lived at the castle in Inveraray... But you now must promise never to let anybody else know what I told you. Andrew is the only other person who knows. Father doesn't know.”
”Oh, Helen, how horrible for you!” Seeing the tears form in her sister's eyes, she embraced her.
After a while Helen murmured between sobs: ”By now, he has already left for America... It's over. I shall never see him again.”
Betty broke the embrace. ”But he hasn't left, Helen. Yesterday ... and the day before, and today, I saw a horse graze at the lochan.”
Helen stared at her sister in dismay. ”No Betty! Why did you tell me?” and she rushed away, her feelings suddenly in utter turmoil. Why didn't he leave? Why is he so cruel? What else does he want?
That night she cried herself to sleep in Betty's arms.
However, next morning, after completing her ch.o.r.es, she asked Betty to keep an eye on things, and Betty did not ask her why. She climbed to the ridge overlooking the lochan, while inside her conflicting feelings and allegiances fought a bitter battle. A horse was peacefully grazing near the water. Andrew sat at the edge of the rock, looking down over the water. He got up and waved with both hands. Then, his call ”Helen” reached her from across the valley, its echoes urging her on. Without any further thought she scampered down the steep slope, while he ran down the path from the rock. He caught her in his arms. If she did have any resolve when she had set out to confirm her sister's sightings, it was blown into the wind once his hungry embrace kindled her own irresistible pa.s.sion. She felt the sudden ache in her groin, ready to yield to him, hearing at the same time the silent scream of her conscience. Struggling to free herself, she cried: ”Andrew, don't. You are my brother!”
He loosened his embrace, raised her chin so that she was forced to meet his eyes, and said: ”No, I'm not. Your mother is mistaken.”
She took a step back. ”I don't believe she would have lied to me ... not on that.”
”She doesn't know herself, but her boy died a week old.”
”You are just saying that.”
”Have I ever lied to you? ... I met the woman who helped deliver me. She said that I was born about six months after your mother left the castle. She said your mother never saw her own boy and that he died shortly after she was sent home.”
Shaken, she hesitated for a moment and then entered into his outstretched arms. ”How horrible,” she whispered, burying her face in his shoulder, and then raised her head again, searching Andrew's eyes. ”Is it true? Andrew, is it true?”
”Yes, Helen, I swear to G.o.d it is true... Helen, I love you. I love you more than ever.” He kissed her. At first she tried to resist, but then responded with equal urgency, a dam of pent-up pa.s.sion bursting and sweeping away all resolve, all restraint, all inhibitions. Her blood seared in her veins. She pressed her body against his. He carried her swiftly a few steps to a patch of soft gra.s.s and lay halfway on top of her, repeating between kisses ”I love you, Helen”, and she echoed ”I love you, Andrew”.
She sensed his urge to fuse with her, met by her own craving to be one with him. In a frenzy they undressed each other. She was ready for the tender touch of his soft hands, as he skillfully made her soar to greater and greater heights. Suddenly, she wanted him inside her and reached for him, exploding into ecstasy almost instantly. She felt him catching up with her, and then suddenly withdraw-a symbol of their doomed love-his manhood pulsing against her belly, his warm fluid spilling onto her, his head nestled into the crook of her neck.
After a while, he moved off her and let his head rest on her bosom, while his index traced patterns on her stomach. ”I ... l .. o .. v .. e ... y .. o .. u,” she deciphered. He lifted his head and searched her eyes. They were like coals, radiating love. She kissed him.
Then he pulled her up. ”I'll race you to the water.”
She laughed and pushed him back into the heather. They dived into the water together and broke the surface face to face, laughing, oblivious to its icy cold, embracing, kissing, separating, diving again, chasing each other, coming together for another embrace-the playful game of lovers for the moment before the cold drove them out.
Lying intertwined in the gra.s.s, Helen asked reproachfully: ”Andrew, why are you still here? Why haven't you left?”
”I tried, Helen. I really tried, but I could not. I couldn't leave you... Helen, come with me to America.”
Could she leave and never see her family again? Leave Betty, her best friend. Could she live with her shame of breaking the promise made before G.o.d. Worse, could she betray the honor of her family by marrying one of the hated Campbells, be an outcast forever? ”I can't. I solemnly promised in front of the priest to marry Robert.”
”Why do you then come to me?”
”Because when I know you're here, I'm weak. Because when I'm with you, I'm under a spell. Because this is to remember for the rest of my life.”
He kissed her. ”I love you, Helen, more than anything, more than my own life. Come with me!”
Ignoring his plea, she searched his eyes. ”Andrew, you must promise now that you'll leave tomorrow and never come back.”
”How can I deny my love for you?”
”You don't have to deny it. You can keep it in your heart. But you must leave. We can't continue like this.”
”Oh, Helen. I want you. I need you. Come with me! Be my wife!”
Say 'yes' cried her heart, but she freed herself and rose. ”No, Andrew, I can't, and I won't come back to the lochan again.”
She put on her petticoat and jacket. He got dressed too. They stood awkwardly in front of each other.
”One more kiss, Helen?”
”No, Andrew. Never again.” She briefly brushed his cheek and dashed away, before he could grab her. She ran until she reached the crest. Only then did she look back, her vision blurred. He was still standing at the same place.
That same evening, Robert came up to the s.h.i.+elings to visit. Donald, one of the young lads, greeted him with a gleeful smirk, teasing him: ”I saw you and Helen swim in the lochan today.”
Robert laughed: ”Donald, I wish it was true, but you saw somebody else. I wasn't at the lochan. Mind you, I think it's a great idea. I feel like cooling off.” He winked at the boy, adding in a low tone: ”I'll ask Helen to come.”
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