Part 16 (1/2)

”Are you all right, lord?”

”I have to decide now whether to act like a warrior or not,” I said.

”You should be thanking G.o.d,” he replied. ”Now that the lost battle is done with, the rest are for you to win.”

I had said the same to Makoto, but that was before the wind and rain had dealt with me. ”A true warrior would slit his own belly now,” I said, thinking aloud.

”Your life is not your own to take. G.o.d still has his plan for you.”

”If I don't kill myself, I will have to surrender to Arai. He is on my heels, and there is no way the Terada can reach us before he does.”

The night air was beautiful. I heard the m.u.f.fled whisper of an owl's wings, and a frog croaked from the old pond. The crash of the waves on the s.h.i.+ngle was abating.

”What will you do, Jo-An? Will you return to Maruyama?” I hoped uneasily that the outcasts would be well treated when I was no longer there to protect them. With the country in turmoil, they would be more vulnerable than ever, turned on as scapegoats, denounced by villagers, persecuted by warriors.

He said, ”I feel very close to G.o.d. I think he will call me to him soon.

I did not know how to reply to this.

Jo-An said, ”You released my brother from his suffering in Yama-gata. If it comes to it, will you do the same for me?”

”Don't say such things,” I replied. ”You have saved my life; how can you ask me to take yours?”

”Will you? I am not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of the pain.”

”Go back to Maruyama,” I urged him. ”Take the horse you came on. Stay away from the highways. I will send for you if I can. But you know, Arai is likely to take my life. We will probably never meet again.”

He gave his characteristic slight smile.

”Thank you for all you have done for me,” I said.

”Everything that has happened between us is part of G.o.d's plan. You should thank him him.”

I went with him to the horse lines and spoke to the guards. They watched in disbelief as I loosened the stallion's rope and Jo-An leaped onto its back.

After he had trotted off into the darkness, I lay down again but did not sleep. I thought about Kaede and how much I loved her. I thought about my extraordinary life. I was glad I had lived it the way I had, despite all my mistakes. I had no regrets except for those who had died before me. Dawn came as bright and perfect as any I'd ever seen. I washed as best I could and dressed my hair, and when my ragged army awoke, I ordered them to do the same. I called for Ryoma, thanked him for his service, and asked if he would wait at least until he heard of my death and take the news to Fumio at Os.h.i.+ma. Then I gathered the men together and spoke to them.

”I am going to surrender to Lord Arai. In return, I trust he will spare your lives and accept your service. I thank you for your loyalty. No one has been better served than I.”

I told them to wait in the shrine under the command of their captains and asked Makoto, Sakai, and Hiros.h.i.+ to come with me. Makoto carried the Otori banner and Sakai the Maruyama. Both were torn and streaked with mud. The horses were stiff and slow, but as we rode, the sun came up and warmed them a little. A string of wild ducks flew overhead, and a stag barked in the forest. Across the water we could see the clouds above Os.h.i.+ma; apart from them, the sky was a clear, deep blue.

We pa.s.sed the fallen pines. The storm had gouged out the road around them and undermined the cliff where Hajime had stood. Boulders had tumbled down in a small landslide, and as the horses picked their way around them I thought of the young wrestler. If his arrow had found its mark, Jiro would still be alive-and so would many others. I thought of Hajime's body, lying unbuned not far from there: He would soon have his revenge.

We had not gone far when I heard ahead the rapid tramping of horses. I held up my hand and the four of us halted. The hors.e.m.e.n came at a trot, a group of about a hundred, two bannermen carrying Arai's crest at their head. When they saw us in the road they stopped abruptly.

Their leader rode forward. He was wearing full armor and an elaborate helmet, decorated with a crescent moon.

I was thankful for the warmth of the sun, for I was no longer cold and could speak firmly. ”I am Otori Takeo. This is Sugita Hiros.h.i.+, nephew of Lord Sugita of Maruyama. I ask you to spare his life and return him safely to his clan. Sakai Masaki is his cousin and will accompany him.”

Hiros.h.i.+ said nothing. I was proud of him.

The leader inclined his head slightly, which I took to mean agreement. ”I am Akita Tsutomu,” he said. ”My orders are to bring Lord Otori to Lord Arai. He wishes to speak with you.”

”I am prepared to surrender to Lord Arai,” I said, ”on condition that he spare the lives of my men and take them into his service.”

”They may accompany you if they come peacefully.”

”Send some of your men with Kubo Makoto,” I said. ”He will tell them to surrender without a fight. Where is His Lords.h.i.+p?”

”Not far from here. We sat out the typhoon in Shuho.”

Makoto left with most of the warriors, and Sakai, Hiros.h.i.+, and I rode on in silence with Akita.

8.

Spring had moved into summer; the planting was finished. The plum rains began; the seedlings grew and turned the fields brilliant green. The rain kept s.h.i.+zuka inside, where she watched it cascading from the eaves while she helped her grandmother plait sandals and rain capes from rice straw and tend the silkworms in the airy lofts. Sometimes she went to the weaving shed and spent an hour or two at the looms. There was always work to do, sewing, dyeing, preserving, cooking, and she found the routine tasks calming. Though she was relieved to lay aside the roles she had played and glad to be with her family and her sons, often a strange depression took hold of her. She had never been fearful, but now she was troubled by anxiety. She slept badly, woken by the slightest sound; when she slept, she dreamed of the dead.

Kaede's father often came to her, fixing his sightless eyes on her. She went to the shrine to make offerings, hoping to placate his spirit, but nightmares still troubled her. She missed Kaede, missed Is.h.i.+da, longed for Kondo to come back with news of them, and dreaded his return at the same time.

The rains ended and the hot humid days of high summer followed. Melons and cuc.u.mbers ripened and were pickled with salt and herbs. s.h.i.+zuka often roamed the mountains gathering wild mushrooms, mugwort to make moxa with, bugle and madder for dyes, and the other, deadlier harvest from which Kenji prepared poison.

She watched her sons and the other children at their training, half marveling as the Tribe skills awoke in them. They slipped in and out of sight, and sometimes she saw the trembling, indistinct shape as they learned to use the second self.

Her older son, Zenko, was less skilled than his brother. He was only a year or so away from manhood, and his talents should have been developing rapidly. But s.h.i.+zuka could see he was more interested in horses and the sword: He took after his father. Would Arai want to own him now? Or would he still seek to protect his legitimate son by removing the illegitimate?

Zenko concerned her more than Taku. It was already obvious that Taku was going to be highly skilled; he would stay with the Tribe and rise high in it. Kenji had no sons, andTaku might even be master of the Muto family one day. His talents were precocious: Invisibility came naturally to him and his hearing was sharp; with the onset of p.u.b.erty it might even become like Takeo's. He had loose limbs like hers and could fold himself into the smallest of s.p.a.ces and stay hidden for hours on end. He liked to play tricks on the maids, hiding in an empty pickling barrel or a bamboo basket and jumping out to surprise them like the mischievous tanuki in stories.

She found herself comparing her younger son to Takeo. If her cousin had had the same upbringing, if the Kikuta had known about him from birth, he would have been one of the Tribe, like her children, like herself, ruthless, obedient, unquestioning...

Except, she thought, I am questioning. I don't even think I'm obedient anymore. And what happened to my ruthlessness? I will never kill Takeo or do anything to hurt Kaede. They can't make me. I was sent to serve her and I came to love her. I gave her my complete allegiance and I won't take it back. I told her at Inuyama that even women could act with honor I am questioning. I don't even think I'm obedient anymore. And what happened to my ruthlessness? I will never kill Takeo or do anything to hurt Kaede. They can't make me. I was sent to serve her and I came to love her. I gave her my complete allegiance and I won't take it back. I told her at Inuyama that even women could act with honor.

She thought again of Is.h.i.+da and wondered if gentleness and compa.s.sion were contagious and she had caught them from him. And then she thought of the other, deeper secret she held within her. Where had her obedience been then?

The Festival of the Weaver Star fell on a rainy night. The children were dismayed, for the clouded sky meant that the magpies could not build a bridge across heaven for the princess to meet her lover. She would miss their one meeting and be separated from him for another year.

s.h.i.+zuka took it as a bad omen, and her depression increased.

Occasionally messengers came from Yamagata and beyond. They brought news of Takeo's marriage to Kaede, their flight from Tera-yama, the outcasts' bridge, and the defeat of Jin-emon. The maids marveled at what seemed to them like something from an ancient legend and made up songs about it. Kenji and s.h.i.+zuka discussed these events at night, both torn by the same mixture of dismay and unwilling admiration. Then the young couple and their army moved into Maruyama and news of them dwindled, though reports came from time to time of Takeo's campaign against the Tribe.

”It seems he has learned ruthlessness,” her uncle said to her, but they did not discuss it it further. Kenji had other preoccupations. He did not speak of Yuki again, but when the seventh month pa.s.sed and no news had come of her, the whole household entered a time of waiting. Everyone was anxious for this Muto child, the master's first grandchild, who had been claimed by the Kikuta and would be brought up by them. further. Kenji had other preoccupations. He did not speak of Yuki again, but when the seventh month pa.s.sed and no news had come of her, the whole household entered a time of waiting. Everyone was anxious for this Muto child, the master's first grandchild, who had been claimed by the Kikuta and would be brought up by them.

One afternoon just before the Festival of the Dead, s.h.i.+zuka walked up to the waterfall. It was a day of oppressive heat with no wind, and she sat with her feet in the cool water. The cascade was white against the gray rocks, and the spray caught rainbows. Cicadas droned in the cedars, rasping her nerves. Through their monotonous sound she heard her younger son approaching, though she pretended not to; just at the last moment, when he thought he would surprise her, she reached out and caught him behind the knees. She pulled him into her lap.

”You heard me,” he said, disappointed.