Part 12 (2/2)
”We had an agreement that you would share my secrets with no one,” she said.
”I thought we had an agreement that we would marry.” She could make no response without insulting him further, and his words had in fact frightened her. She was all too aware that he could order her death on a moment's whim. No one would dare either to disobey such an order or to judge him afterward.
He went on: ”You are aware of my high regard for you. I was able to effect something of a transaction with Arai. He agreed to spare you if I married you and kept you in seclusion. I will support his cause with the emperor in due course. In return I sent your sisters to him.”
”You gave them to Arai? They are in Inuyama?”
”I believe it's quite common to hand women over as hostages,” he returned. ”Arai was incensed, by the way, when you dared to keep Akita's nephew as your hostage. It could have been a good move, but you threw all that away when you acted so rashly in the spring. All it achieved, then, was to offend Arai and his retainers further. Arai was your champion before. It was very foolhardy to treat him so badly.”
”I know now that Shoji betrayed me,” she said bitterly. ”Akita's nephew should never have been allowed to go home.”
”You mustn't be harsh on Shoji.” Fujiwara's voice was bland and calm. ”He was doing what he thought right for you and your family. As are we all. I would like our marriage to take place as soon as possible: I think before the end of the week. Rieko will instruct you in your dress and behavior.”
She felt despair descend on her like the hunter's net over the wild duck. ”All men involved with me have died except my lawful husband, Lord Otori Takeo. Aren't you afraid?”
”Common talk is that it it is men who desire you who die; I feel no more desire for you than I ever did. I do not want more children. Our marriage is to save your life. It will be in name only.” He drank again and replaced the cup on the floor. ”It would be appropriate now to express your grat.i.tude.” is men who desire you who die; I feel no more desire for you than I ever did. I do not want more children. Our marriage is to save your life. It will be in name only.” He drank again and replaced the cup on the floor. ”It would be appropriate now to express your grat.i.tude.”
”I am to be just one of your possessions?”
”Lady s.h.i.+rakawa, you are one of the few people I have shared my treasures with-the only woman. You know how I like to keep them away from the eyes of the world, wrapped up, hidden.” Her heart quailed. She said nothing.
”And don't think Takeo will come and rescue you. Arai is determined to punish him. He is mounting a campaign against him now. The domains of Maruyama and s.h.i.+rakawa will be taken in your name and given to me as your husband.” He let his gaze cover her as i( i( he would drink in every drop of her suffering. ”His desire for you has indeed been his downfall. Takeo will be dead before winter.” he would drink in every drop of her suffering. ”His desire for you has indeed been his downfall. Takeo will be dead before winter.”
Kaede had studied Fujiwara throughout the previous winter and knew all the changing expressions of his face. He liked to think he was impa.s.sive, his feelings always perfectly controlled, but she had grown adept at reading him. She heard the note of cruelty in his voice, and caught the taste of pleasure on his tongue. She had heard it before when he spoke Takeo's name. She had thought him almost infatuated with Takeo when she had told him her secrets when the snow lay thick on the ground and icicles as long as men's legs hung from the eaves. She had seen the gleam of desire in his eye, the slight slackening of his mouth, the way his tongue swelled around the name. Now she realized that the n.o.bleman desired Takeo's death. It would give him pleasure and set him free from his obsession. And she had no doubt that her suffering would heighten his pleasure.
At that moment she resolved two things: She would show him nothing, and she would live. She would submit to his will so that he had no excuse to kill her before Takeo came for her, but she would never give either him or the devil woman he'd a.s.signed to her the satisfaction of seeing how deeply she suffered.
She allowed her eyes to fill with contempt as she looked at Fujiwara, and then she gazed past him at the moon.
The marriage took place a few days later. Kaede drank the infusions Is.h.i.+da brewed, thankful for the numbness they brought her. She was resolved to have no feelings, to be like ice ice, remembering how long ago it was that Takeo's gaze had plunged her into the deep, cold sleep. She did not blame Is.h.i.+da or Mamoru for the part they played in her imprisonment, for she knew they were bound by the same rigid code she was, but she swore Murita would pay for the murder of her men and her horse, and she came to loathe Rieko.
She watched herself go through the rituals as if she were a doll or a puppet manipulated on a stage. Her family were represented by Shoji and two of her retainers; one she knew was a brother of Hirogawa, the man she had had executed by Kondo when he had refused to serve her the day of her father's death. I should have taken the lives of his whole family I should have taken the lives of his whole family, she thought bitterly. I spared them only to make an enemy I spared them only to make an enemy of them of them. There were other men there, of high rank, who she imagined must have been sent by Arai. They did not acknowledge her in any way and she was not told their names. It made her realize all too clearly her new position: no longer mistress of a domain, her husband's ally and equal, but second wife to a n.o.bleman, with no other life than what he saw fit to allow her.
It was an elaborate ceremony, far more lavish than her wedding at Terayama.The prayers and chanting seemed to go on endlessly. The incense and bells made her head swim, and when she had to exchange the ritual three cups of wine three times with her new husband, she feared she would faint. She had eaten so little all week, she felt like a wraith. The day was unnaturally oppressive and still. Toward evening it began to rain heavily.
She was taken from the shrine by palanquin, and Rieko and the other women undressed and bathed her. They rubbed creams into her skm and perfumed her hair. She was clad in night robes, more sumptuous than those she usually wore in the day. Then she was taken to new apartments, in the deep interior of the residence, ones she had never seen before nor even known existed. They had been newly decorated. The beams and bosses glowed with gold leaf, the screens had been painted with birds and flowers, and the straw matting was fresh and sweet-smelling. The heavy rain made the rooms dim, but dozens of lamps burned in ornately carved metal stands.
”All this is for you,” Rieko said, a note of envy in her voice. Kaede did not reply. She wanted to say, For what purpose, seeing that he will never lie with me For what purpose, seeing that he will never lie with me?-but what business was this of Rieko's? Then the thought came to her: Maybe he intended to, just once, as he had with his first wife to conceive his son. She began to tremble with revulsion and fear.
”You don't need to be afraid,” Rieko sneered. ”It's not as if you don't know what to expect from marriage. Now, if you were, as you should be, a virgin...”
Kaede could not believe that the woman dared to speak to her in such a manner and in front of the servants.
”Tell the maids to leave us,” she said, and when they were alone: ”If you insult me again I shall see that you are dismissed.”
Rieko laughed her empty trilling laugh. ”I don't think my lady quite understands her situation. Lord Fujiwara will never dismiss me. If I were you, I would be more afraid for my own future. If you transgress in any way-if your behavior is anything less than what is expected of Lord Fujiwara's wife-you may find may find yourself yourself dismissed. You think you are brave and that you would have the courage to take your own life. Let me tell you, it is harder than it seems. When it comes to the point, most women fail. We cling to life, weak things that we are.” She picked up a lamp and raised it so the light fell on Kaede's face. ”You have probably been told all your life that you are beautiful, but you are less beautiful now than you were a week ago, and in a year you will be less beautiful still. You have reached your peak; from now on your beauty will fade.” dismissed. You think you are brave and that you would have the courage to take your own life. Let me tell you, it is harder than it seems. When it comes to the point, most women fail. We cling to life, weak things that we are.” She picked up a lamp and raised it so the light fell on Kaede's face. ”You have probably been told all your life that you are beautiful, but you are less beautiful now than you were a week ago, and in a year you will be less beautiful still. You have reached your peak; from now on your beauty will fade.”
She held the lamp a little closer. Kaede could feel the scorch of the flame on her cheek.
”I could scar you now,” Rieko hissed. ”You would be turned out of the house. Lord Fujiwara will only keep you while you please his eye. After that, the only place for women like you is the brothel.”
Kaede stared back without flinching. The flame flickered between them. Outside the wind was rising and a sudden gust shook the building. Far in the distance, as if from another country, a dog was howling.
Rieko laughed again and placed the lamp on the floor. ”So it is not for Your Ladys.h.i.+p to speak of dismissing me. But I expect you are overwrought. I will forgive you. We must be good friends as His Lords.h.i.+p desires. He will come to you soon. I will be in the next room.”
Kaede sat perfectly still listening to the rising wind. She could not help thinking about her wedding night with Takeo, the feel of his skin against hers, his lips against the back of her neck when he lifted away the weight of her hair, the pleasure he brought to her whole body before he entered her and they became one person. She tried to keep the memories at bay, but desire had taken hold of her and it threatened to melt her icy numbness.
She heard footsteps outside and held herself rigid. She had vowed not give her feelings away, but she was sure her aching body would somehow betray her.
Leaving his servants outside, Fujiwara stepped into the room. Kaede immediately bowed to the ground before him, not wanting him to see her face, but the act of submission itself made her tremble more. Mamoru came in behind the n.o.bleman, carrying a small carved chest made of paulownia wood. He placed it on the ground, bowed deeply, and crawled backward to the door of the adjoining room.
”Sit up, my dear wife,” Lord Fujiwara said, and as she did so she saw Rieko pa.s.s a wine flask through the door to Mamoru. The woman bowed and crept out of sight but not, Kaede knew, out of earshot.
Mamoru poured wine and Fujiwara drank, gazing at Kaede with rapt attention. The young man pa.s.sed a cup to her and she raised it to her lips. The taste was sweet and strong. She took only the smallest sip. It seemed that everything conspired to set her body on fire.
”I don't believe she has ever looked so lovely,” Lord Fujiwara remarked to Mamoru. ”Note how suffering has brought out the perfect shape of her face. The eyes have a deeper expression and the mouth is molded like a woman's now. It will be a challenge to capture that.”
Mamoru bowed without replying.
After a short silence Fujiwara said, ”Leave us alone,” and when the young man had gone, he picked up the chest and rose to his feet.
”Come,” he said to Kaede.
She followed him like a sleepwalker. Some unseen servant slid open the screen at the rear of the room and they stepped into another chamber. Here beds had been spread out with silk-covered quilts and wooden pillow blocks. The room was scented with a heavy fragrance. The screens closed and they were alone together.
”There is no need to be unduly alarmed,” Fujiwara said. ”Or perhaps I have misjudged you and it will be disappointment you feel.”
She felt for the first time the sting of his contempt. He had read her clearly, had discerned her desire. A wave of heat swept over her.
”Sit down,” he said.
She sank to the ground, keeping her eyes lowered. He also sat, placing the chest between them.
”We must pa.s.s a little time together. It's only a formality.”
Kaede did not reply, not knowing what to say. ”Speak to me,” he ordered. ”Tell me something interesting or amusing.”
It seemed a complete impossibility. Finally she said, ”May I ask Lord Fujiwara a question?” You may.
”What am I to do here? How am I to spend my days?”
”Doing whatever it is that women do. Rieko will instruct you.”
”May I continue my studies?”
”I think educating a girl was something of a mistake. It does not seem to have improved your character. You may read a little-K'ung Fu-Tzu, I suggest.”
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