Part 9 (2/2)
He stood a moment irresolute, as though he thought his presence might be needed there. Then turned and walked away.
”Your help seems rather unceremonious,” Hilton remarked.
”Thanks for that! What if he had seen more? d.i.c.k, are you beside yourself? You call this love?”
”It proves that it's love,” he replied tensely. ”You set me wild with your vagaries, Jane! You--” He checked himself and, with an obvious effort, smiled. Then went on with voice and manner under control: ”You see, I am much in love with you and losing you for only a little while puts me a bit off my head.
”I have wanted you for four years and I'm jealous of the months, even the weeks. I'm sure, but that doesn't help much.”
”Sure? Of what?”
”Of you.”
”And why?”
”Because I know you. You confessed your weaknesses just a moment ago.
You know as well as I that you're without foundation, without background in this experience. Why, Jane, if you'd been capable of fighting your own battles, you'd have forced the issue long before it was necessary, but you are not. You need help, you need the faith of other people.
”Why, women like you weren't made to stand alone!”
”Flattering!”
”Yes, it is. You were made to be loved, to be protected, to have the men take the knocks for you, you and all your kind. You were born to lean and to make the lives of men worth while by leaning on them, never to attempt to go your own way. You have always done just this and you have admitted it, here, this afternoon.
”Your wild wants, your absurd desires.... Everyone has them. That is a rule of life: wanting to do the thing you are not fitted to do. You can no more be a business woman than I can fly; you can no more cut yourself away from your old environment and slip into this than one of your cowpunchers could fit into my life.
”Don't you see that you're risking disaster? In your old life you had a belief in yourself; in this you think you have, but you have not, your eyes will be opened and when you see that you have failed ... then you will be a failure, and nothing is so hopeless as that realization.
”You are weak, and I thank G.o.d for that weakness. You know that it is either this, or me. You are trying this, trying to refuse me, but you will come back to me just as surely as we stand together in this room.
You may come back without a shred of faith in yourself, but I have faith in you, in the old Jane, the one I know and love, and I can bring that back. The future won't be bad; it will be wholly good.”
His words were very gentle, his manner most kindly, but beneath it was a scarcely detectable hardness, a deliberate, cold determination, and perhaps it was this which struck a fear into the girl's heart.
Weak? Surely, she was weak! Always had been weak, never had proved strength by act or decision until now. And she did not know ... she did not know....
”You are sure that I will come back?” she managed to say naturally enough. ”What if I should fail? Might I not try somewhere else?”
”You might, if you were another sort. But you won't. And you will fail, in spite of all you can do, Jane.”
She sensed clearly the harsh strength beneath his smooth manner; his p.r.o.nouncement had not been as an opinion; as a verdict, rather, and ominous in its a.s.surance.
He picked up his hat and gloves.
”I know; I know. It is of no use to argue with you. You must learn this lesson by experience. It is going to be bitter, but I will do all I can to make what waits beyond take away that taste, Jane.
”I am not going away. I'm going to stay in this little town. After four years of waiting and following I can well do that. Your world is there, Jane, yours for the asking. There are the things you wanted; there is the love you want if you only will see it.”
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