Part 34 (1/2)
”No, I wasn't thinking about that, Aunt f.a.n.n.y. I was thinking about Mommy and how hard it must have been for her to discover all this, too. She never let anyone know, though, did she? And neither did you.”
”No. I neva told n.o.body 'cept that no account lawya I had during the custody hearin'. It didn't come out 'cause me and yer ma made a deal. We bought and sold Drake betwixt us jist like we was bought and sold.” She looked down, ashamed.
”Whatever you did in the past is over and finished, Aunt f.a.n.n.y. You've more than made up for it now.”
”Why, do ya mean that, Annie darlin'?” I nodded. ”Even havin' Luke Junior with ya pa?”
”We'll all make the best of what we are and what we have.”
”Well, ain't ya a wonderful young lady.” Her face turned sad. ”But now ya know I ain't really ya aunt.”
”Oh no, Aunt f.a.n.n.y. You will always be my aunt. I don't care what the blood relations.h.i.+ps are.”
”Well, I love ya jist as much as I could even if ya was blood related, Annie. I love ya more; I love ya like a daughter, an' Luke and ya are still half brotha, half sista.”
”Yes,” I said, and looked of through my window at the roof of the gazebo below. I couldn't help thinking about how much had changed since the accident. My mother hadn't really been a Casteel, even though she had been brought up as one, had lived in that shack and had thought Toby and Annie Casteel were her true grandparents. Even though these revelations were painful and disturbing for me now, I couldn't even begin to imagine what the effect must have been on my mother when she finally learned the truth. It was like losing her whole family in an instant and suddenly being adopted by strangers.
And then suddenly to be cast as a Tatterton and have to live in that mansion filled with memories that had made her true father jealous and disturbed. No wonder she fled from it with little Drake in her arms. Drake! He was not really my uncle, but surely he didn't know, and wouldn't unless Tony babbled the truth to him one day in a fit of madness. I was not eager to tell him. The pain of this revelation must remain enclosed within my heart, I thought.
I realized I had lost not only my parents, I had also lost my heritage, one of the important things that had linked me with Luke. We no longer shared a past filled with rich stories about life in the w.i.l.l.i.e.s, stories about our great-grandfather Toby. I had no past now because mine was linked to Tony Tatterton and I didn't want that link; I didn't want to remember anything he had told me about his father and grandfather.
I was truly about to start a new life and be someone different. Who would I be? How would it change the way Luke and I were with each other? The future was so unclear, and more frightening than ever. I had been dropped into a different sort of maze, and I had no idea how long I would wander about trying to find my way through it. I longed for someone like Troy, someone to take my hand and to guide me. Aunt f.a.n.n.y was more wonderful than I had ever imagined she could be, but even she was overwhelmed by all that had happened.
I couldn't call for Daddy or go to Mommy. And Drake was so infatuated with Tony Tatterton and his position in Tony's enterprises, he was no longer as dependable as he used to be. I had lost the uncle who had been more of a big brother to me, lost him to the glitter of wealth and power. At this moment Tony seemed like the Devil and Drake like one of his victims.
My only bright and hopeful thoughts came when I thought about Luke. I would tell him how I felt and what my fears were. But would I be too much for him? Would he be overwhelmed by the responsibility of being a comfort and support to someone who was so desperate and alone? I had become much more than he had bargained for; that was certain.
Aunt f.a.n.n.y helped me change into a nightgown and get into my bed . . . my own downy-soft bed with lilac-scented sheets. Mrs. Avery returned to put away my things and then fluttered about straightening this and dusting that until Aunt f.a.n.n.y told her to let me get some rest.
”Luke and I will pick up some of the things ya'll need, like one of them fancy bed tables.”
”And a walker. I want to start tomorrow morning.”
”Right. Okay, darlin', welcome home where ya belong.” She kissed me on the forehead and turned to leave.
”Aunt f.a.n.n.y.”
”Yes.”
”Thank you, Aunt f.a.n.n.y, for bringing me home.” She shook her head, her eyes gleaming with tears, and quickly left my room.
I stared at my bedroom doorway half in expectation, half in vain hope. If only Mommy would come through that door once more. If only she and I could have one of our talks again. How I needed her, needed her wisdom and her comfort. Perhaps, if I closed my eyes and wished real hard, I would hear her footsteps in the hall, her soft, warm laugh and then see her come bursting through my doorway.
She would throw open my windows and raise the shades. ”Rise and s.h.i.+ne, be happy to be alive and well. Don't waste a moment, for every moment is precious, . Annie. Every moment is a gift, and you don't want to appear ungrateful, do you?”
”Oh, Mother, I'm still crippled. My legs are like old, water-soaked logs.”
”Nonsense,” I heard her say. ”Life is what you make it. Now you tell those legs of yours they've had a long enough vacation. It's time to go back to work, understand.” *
Was that the sound of my laughter? I felt her hands on my legs, moving over them, magically restoring their strength.
”All right,” she said, rising from the bed. Then she was drifting away, becoming a shadow.
”Mommy? Mom . Mommy!” She was gone, and the sun was blocked by a large, dark cloud. My room was gray and dismal; there were shadows everywhere. ”Mommy!”
”Annie?”
”What . . . who . . . Luke?”
He was standing at the side of my bed. ”Are you all right? I heard you scream.” ”Oh Luke . . . please, hold me, hold me,” I cried.
Quickly he sat on my bed and embraced me. I buried my face in his chest and sobbed while he stroked my hair gently and whispered, ”It's all right. I'm here. It's all right.”
Then I felt his lips on my forehead. His kisses of comfort brought a tingling to my b.r.e.a.s.t.s as I felt his warm breath on my cheeks. His heartbeat thumped against mine.
”I guess I had a bad dream,” I said, a little embarra.s.sed now. ”And when I woke up, I thought Mrs. Broadfield was standing there. She was so mean to me, Luke. She would force me into baths of scalding water. My skin would turn as red as a rose in full bloom and take hours to cool down.”
He touched my neck and nodded.
”My poor Annie. How you suffered, and I wasn't there to help you. I hate myself for being so stupid.”
”It wasn't your fault, Luke. You didn't know.”
We were still holding onto one another, neither wanting to let go. Finally he lowered me back to my pillow. He sat there, looking down at me.
”Annie, I--”
I touched his lips and he kissed my fingers. It made my body sing and come to life.
”I'd better get back to bed,” he said.
”Wait. Stay with me a little longer. Stay with me until I fall asleep again. Please.”
”I will. Close your eyes.”
I did. He brought my blanket back over my bosom and smoothed it out under my neck. I felt his fingers travel over my face and down the sides of my hair. ”Luke--”
”Just sleep, Annie. I'm here.”
Sleep finally came again, this time soothing and restful. And when I awoke with the sunlight peeping through my window, I found Luke asleep at my feet, curled up like a little boy. For a moment I forgot what had brought him to my bedside. As soon as I moved, his eyelids trembled and he opened the t and gazed up at me. The realization that he was in my bed struck him like a pail of ice water. He sat up quickly.
”Annie!” He looked about.
”Those are very cute pajamas, Luke.” ”What? Oh . must have fallen asleep. I'm sorry.” He got up quickly.
”It's all right, Luke.” I couldn't help smiling at him. The pants of his pajamas were a little baggy.
”I . . I'll be back after I get dressed,” he said, and quickly left the room.
Shortly after I awoke in the morning, old Doc Willia, is arrived. He had been our family doctor for as long as I could remember. He was a short, stocky man with curly peach-colored hair that was mostly gray now. When he walked into my room, he greeted me with a wide smile that made me feel relaxed. I didn't feel I was being prodded and poked like some laboratory specimen, and most importantly, there was no nurse hovering over his shoulder and scowling at my every question.