Part 60 (2/2)
”The water doesn't look very warm,” Maurice responded, following her gaze.
”No, it isn't exactly summer yet,” she replied lightly. ”Do you know,”
she added, turning to meet his eyes, ”I can't help thinking how different this is from the last time we were together away from Boston.”
”When we were at Brookfield?”
”Yes.”
”It is different; more different to me than you can have any idea of.
Then I was a cog in a machine; now I am my own master.”
They walked to the end of the piazza, turned, and came down again. They were facing the light now, and her face shone with the pale glow of the declining day. In her black dress, with a soft shawl thrown about her, she was dazzling; and Maurice found it difficult not to take her in his arms then and there.
”It must have been a strange feeling,” she observed thoughtfully, ”to know that you were not master of your own movements, but had to do as you were told, whether you approved of it or not.”
”Strange,” he echoed, a sense of slavery coming over him which was far stronger than anything he had felt while the bondage lasted, ”it was intolerable!”
”Yet you endured it?” she returned, regarding him curiously.
”Yes, I endured it. In the first place, I thought that it was my duty; and in the second, it was not so hard until I had seen”--
”Well, until you had seen?”--
”Until I had seen you, I was going to say.”
Berenice flushed, and tossed her head.
”You have caught a pretty trick of paying compliments, Mr. Wynne.”
”No,” he answered with gravity, ”I have only the mistaken temerity to say the truth.”
She regarded him with a mocking light in her deep, velvety eyes.
”And is it the truth that you have given up your religion because you have seen me?”
Maurice wondered afterward how he looked when she sped this shaft, for he saw her shrink and pale. She even stammered some sort of an apology; but he did not heed it. Although he was sure that he should sooner or later have come to the same conclusion whether he had met Berenice or not, he knew in his secret heart that there was in her words some savor at least of truth. He felt their bitterness to his heart's core, and could only stand speechless, reproaching her with his glance. If they were true it was cruel for her to say them. He regarded her a moment, and then turned toward the long French window by which they had come out of the house. Berenice recovered herself instantly, and behaved as if nothing had occurred to mar the serenity of their talk.
”Yes,” she said in an even voice, ”you are right. It is becoming too cold to stay out here.”
He held open the window for her, and she swept past him with a soft rustle and a faint breath of perfume. He did not follow, but drew the window to behind her and continued his promenade alone until he was summoned to dinner. All his glorious air-castles had fallen in ruins about his feet, and he rated himself as a fool for having come to Beverly Farms to meet this girl who evidently flouted him.
The result of this conversation was to bring Maurice to the resolution to return to town. All the doubts which had been in his mind arose like ghosts ill exorcised, more tangible and more insistent than ever. He realized that he had come here fully persuaded in his secret heart that Miss Morison must love him, and with the hope of winning some proof of it. Now he a.s.sured himself that she did not care for him and that he had been a fool to indulge in a dream so absurd. The obstacles which lay between them presented themselves to him in a dismal array. He decided that she could have no respect for him, or she could not have thrown at him the implication that he had apostatized from selfish motives. With all the awful solemnity with which a man deeply in love examines trifles, he recalled her looks and words, deciding that he was to her nothing more than the b.u.t.t of her light contempt; and secretly wondering when and where he should see her again, he decided to leave her forever.
He announced his determination next morning to his hostess. As he could not well give the real reason for his decision, and had no experience in social finesse, he came off badly when asked why he had come to this sudden decision. He could not equivocate; and when Mrs. Wilson asked him point-blank if Berenice had been treating him badly, he could only take refuge in the reply that it was not for him to criticise what Miss Morison chose to do. He persisted in his resolution to return to Boston, feeling obstinately that he could not with dignity remain where he was while Berenice was there. A man of the world would at once have seen the folly of such a course, but Maurice was not a man of the world.
”Well,” Mrs. Wilson said, after she had argued with him a little, ”you have retained the clerical obstinacy, whatever else you've given up. I am not in the habit of pressing my guests to stay if they are tired of my society. If you choose to go, of course you will go.”
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