Part 29 (1/2)
Herman seemed to hesitate in his turn.
”I'm afraid I'm a poor one to help you, Mr. Wynne. Mrs. Herman does the mental straightening-out for this family. Besides, we look at things so differently, you and I, that I shouldn't know how to put things to you if I tried.”
”I've no right to bother anybody with my troubles,” Maurice said.
”That anybody could help you would give you a claim upon him,” Herman responded cheerily. ”I noticed, Mr. Wynne, that things were not going right with you before you went away. May I give you a piece of advice?”
”I shall be glad if you will.”
”Then if I were you, I'd go and talk with Mr. Strathmore.”
”With Mr. Strathmore!” Maurice echoed in surprise.
”Oh, I know he isn't exactly of your way of thinking in church matters,” Herman proceeded. ”He's still farther from my position, but he's the man I should go to. He is so human, and so sympathetic, that there isn't such another man in Boston for comfort and advice.”
”But I've always been opposed,” Maurice protested, ”to all”--
”That's no matter. He's too big a man for that to make any difference.
Go to him as a fellow that's in a hobble, and the only thing he'll consider is how to help you. He's had experience, and he has the gift of understanding.”
No more was said on the subject, but the words stuck in Wynne's mind.
Since all things seemed to him to be turning round, why should he not take this one more departure from the old ways? Yet it was in some sort almost like treason to Father Frontford to seek aid and comfort from Strathmore. Although the thing had never been so stated in words, it was understood at the Clergy House that Strathmore was to be looked upon in the light of an enemy to the faith, and Wynne felt as if he had been enrolled to fight the popular preacher under the banner of Father Frontford. It seemed the more treasonable to desert the Father Superior now that he was in the midst of a desperate struggle. Maurice knew, however, that it was useless to carry to his old confessor doubts which for the heart of the stern priest could not exist. He would simply be told that doubt was of the devil and was to be crushed; and the young man felt that this would leave him where he was now. If he were to seek aid, it must at least be from one who would understand his state of mind.
Wynne resumed his clerical garb on the morning after his return to Boston. His conscience reproached him for the strong distaste which he felt for the dress, and his spirits were of the lowest. About the middle of the forenoon, he started out to try the effects of a walk. It was a clear, brisk morning, with a white frost still on the pavements where the sun had not fallen. The air was invigorating, and Maurice began to feel its exhilaration. He walked more briskly, holding his head more erect, even forgetting to be irritated by the swish of his ca.s.sock about his legs. Without consciously determining whither he would go, he followed the streets toward the house of Mr. Strathmore, in that strange yet not uncommon state of mind in which a man knows fully what he is doing, yet a.s.sures himself that he has no purpose.
When at last he found himself ringing the bell, Wynne carried his private histrionics so far that he told himself that he was surprised to be there.
The visitor was shown at once to the study of Mr. Strathmore, whose readiness to receive those who sought him was one of the traits which endeared him to the general public. Maurice felt the keen and inquiring look which the clergyman bestowed upon him, and found himself somewhat at a loss how to begin.
”I am from the Clergy House of St. Mark,” he said, rather awkwardly.
”So I judged from your dress,” Strathmore responded cordially. ”Sit down, please. That is a comfortable chair by the fire.”
The professed ascetic smiled, but he took the chair indicated.
”It is a beautiful, brisk morning,” the host went on. ”The tingle in the air makes a man feel that he can do impossible things.”
Wynne looked up at him with a smile. He was won by the heartiness of the tone, by the bright glance of the eye, by some intangible personal charm which put him at once at his ease and made him feel that understanding and sympathy were here.
”And I have done the impossible,” he said. ”I have ventured to come to talk with you about the celibacy of the clergy.”
He saw the face of the other change with a curious expression, and then melt into a smile.
”And what am I, a married clergyman, expected to say on such a topic?”
Maurice smiled at the absurdity of his own words, and then with sudden gravity broke out earnestly:--
”I am completely at sea. All things I have believed seem to be failing me. I don't even know what I believe.”
”Will you pardon me,” Strathmore asked, ”if I ask why you consult me rather than your Superior?”