Part 14 (1/2)
”Ah, dear one. You see, you know nothing of the bond that can be created between lovers.”
”Can be? It isn't always so?”
”There is always a bond formed. The question is, how strong and enduring is it? 'Tis a gamble I'll not risk without G.o.d's blessing. So, you see, you are safe with me.”
If only she could believe that was true.
Gwenyth was touched by his admission of his need to be loved for himself, and not for his t.i.tle. A need made all the more important for his physical limitations. She wished she could be that woman for him.
Now where had that thought come from? Shaking her head at the absurdity of such a notion, she said, ”I have brought you nothing but problems, my laird. We must both pray Daron is soon found.”
”I'm not altogether certain I want to give you up.”
She swallowed. ”You will have to, my lord.”
”If you truly cannot abide a marriage with me, so be it. But I ask you to think on it. Perhaps pray on it as well.”
Pray on it? ”G.o.d doesn't hear my prayers anymore.” If Adam knew the truth about her, he wouldn't ask this. How much longer could she live the lies? And did she want to? ”You want me to stay. But I can't.”
”Why not?”
There was no bridge to span the distance between her and Adam. ”I've made a promise I must keep.”
”To Daron?”
”Aye.” And Edward and all those who supported a marriage between them which would unite half of Scotland against Bruce.
”Fine. Go with your cousin. But while you are here, remember you promised me your loyalty.” He turned from her and briskly rebridled the horses, then lifted her into the saddle. They rode the short distance to the causeway in silence.
Gwenyth could not believe what she heard in his voice when he spoke of Daron. Anger at her rejection, yes. But surely he'd sounded jealous. Jealous of Daron. Oh, this had gone on long enough. If Daron didn't materialize within the week, she would ask Adam to provide an escort. She must leave Moy before she hurt this man who'd done nothing to deserve it.
Inside the bailey they halted the horses. Adam reached to help her dismount and she fought the urge to avoid his touch. Adam took her elbow, guiding her into the keep. ”Come.”
She resisted the instinct to pull away from him.
”Since your cousin continues to elude me, you best reconcile yourself to spending a while longer at Moy.” He sounded as if he hoped Daron would remain lost. ”You will take your meals in the hall from now on.”
With that, he strode away from her, taking all the warmth of the day with him. Something about his vulnerability, his need to be accepted, drew Gwenyth. Here was a just man, a well-favored man who, through an unfortunate accident, must prove what he'd always taken for granted. That he could rule his clan.
Her only hope was that Daron would come for her to set sail for England on the next available s.h.i.+p. But the more she considered the meeting between her cousin and her husband, the more she despaired. For then Adam would learn the truth and the depth of her deceit.
His words, the idea that she might remain at Moy, were both a source of comfort and pain. She felt safe with Adam, dared to dream of Moy as her home. Dared to consider that maybe Adam and Moy were G.o.d's plan, as Adam said. Until obligations reminded her of the impossibility of such a notion. Her father would roll over in his very grave if she were to swear allegiance to the man who killed him. And that is what marriage to Adam would mean.
She must not forget her father's death at the hands of Robert the Bruce or the terrible carnage Bruce had waged in Buchan. All those deaths and the destruction of her home must not go unanswered. She and Edward would reclaim what Bruce had taken from them. And Robert the Bruce would regret he'd ever set foot in that church.
TWELVE.
GWENYTH WENT TO HER ROOM to wash and change clothes and bring her emotions under control. How could she possibly accept Adam's daft notion that G.o.d had brought them together to be man and wife? If marriage to Adam was part of G.o.d's plan, then his timing was all wrong. She and Adam should have met before Edward had made his claim on her.
Why would G.o.d pick a man whose clan and king were her enemies? It didn't make sense.
Remembering Adam's order, she made her way to the great hall to eat the evening meal with the rest of the castle inhabitants. She wanted to arrive early, hoping to draw as little attention as possible to herself. A few who were already seated cast glances at her, but most ignored her, and she relaxed.
Until she saw Nathara seated across the hall and glowering at her. Gwenyth quickly turned her head, her eyes downcast as she walked the rest of the way to the dais. A hushed silence alerted her before she walked into Adam. She looked up as he extended his hand to her.
”Come,” he said. ”I should have done this long before now.”
He tugged on her hand, and she rose to her feet as panic set in. ”My people need to be clear about my will in this matter.”
She looked to Nathara and back to Adam. ”Please, my laird. Nathara already hates me. I need no more enemies.”
Adam glanced at the dais and said, ”My food grows cold.” He indicated for a serving girl to bring food for Gwenyth and gently nudged Gwenyth into motion.
”Why are you doing this?”
He leaned down to whisper, ”I told you. I believe G.o.d means us to stay together. If I am wrong, there's no harm done if you sit here with me. You will be safer if Nathara and others see that I accept you as wife.” When they reached their seats, he lifted her hand to his lips, and she felt her face grow warm.
”And you need your people to believe our marriage is agreeable to strengthen your position as laird.”
”Aye. Exactly so.”
Adam seated her, then called for attention. Every eye in the place looked to him as he spoke.
”You have heard that Gwenyth of Buchan and I were forced to handfast. Despite those circ.u.mstances, we will use the allotted time to see if the marriage suits us. I ask you to continue to treat her with the respect due her position.”
His glance around the room settled on Nathara, and he stared at her until she gave him a slight, forced nod. Then Adam sat down and the meal continued, though Gwenyth was uncomfortably aware that the buzz of conversation that ensued no doubt centered on her.
Gwenyth excused herself as soon as she could and fled to her room.
We will use the allotted time. Adam's words haunted her. To learn what he promised to teach about tendernessa”yes, it held definite appeal. Throw off her responsibilities; subdue the guilt of having survived when her family had not.
Dare she ask G.o.d for guidance? Did she really want to know his will? Could she trust him to know what was best for her? There were no easy answers.
How could she even think of remaining in the same country, let alone binding herself to a man loyal to the very king who'd killed her father, on a sacred altar, no less?
Only Edward, with the backing of those loyal to him and his father, could possibly take the crown from Bruce. Bruce had no heir other than his brother, and the Comyns hoped that her marriage to Edward Balliol would avenge the wrongs done to her family and return the crown to them. She had only to marry and produce an heir, and those who remained loyal to Edward would rally to depose Bruce.
But she had a husband, a fine highland laird, and she could not deny his appeal.
Somehow, she must. She returned to her room and for the first time in nearly two years, Gwenyth got down on her knees and prayed for G.o.d's guidance in her future. ”I cannot promise him the full time of our handfast, Lord. You alone know my dilemma,” she pleaded. ”But I give to you and Adam the time that remains before I leave for England. If he is my intended mate, Father, open my heart. Please, Father, if it be thy will, open my heart.”
ADAM'S CLEAR WARNING to the clan that Gwenyth was to be treated as his wife freed her to roam the island. Still, she kept a guard with her, since she remained uncomfortable among people she considered enemies. She feared she might never again feel safe alone.
If Bruce had learned of her alliance with Edward Balliol, he no doubt had men searching for her. If a visitor to Moy should recognize her and disclose her ident.i.ty, her hours would be numbered.
Today the man Sim accompanied her to the tower on the rear wall. Steps led to the top of it and Gwenyth climbed, curious to see the view from this side of the castle. She reached the top and was momentarily made dizzy by the height of the drop. Once steadied, she noted a path leading to a lovely, small cove.