18 7.2: Haunted PCs and Notebooks (1/2)
`Sometimes we outgrow people who aren't growing.`
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Every minute I stay here, in this weird dimension, I learn a thing or two.
Like how, for example, I have no shadow and how I reflect on no surface. You might be like, duh, you're dead. But I still can't wrap my head around how I can't check my appearance anymore, how I might look like shit, with boogers running down my nose, and I can't see or feel them, and most importantly how I don't have a hygiene routine at all.
How I don't stink or sweat. Or how I might be sweating, but can't feel it. It's as amusing as terrifying. Because every time, I'm discovering something that makes me less and less of a human.
So instead of trying to awkwardly converse with Tobias, I busy myself with staring at my hands, arms and feet that seem to move like a human, but not quite so, as we make our way to a teachers' staff room where we're certain we'll find a charge port.
I can feel Tobias glance at me from time to time, with conversations he's hoping to start on the tip of his tongue. And even though he walks silently by me with a panting Benji, I can hear his loud thoughts that are buzzing around his head and begging his lips for freedom.
”That's why I tell no-one about myself-” He suddenly says and stops in his tracks. I wince and try turning to him with unwavering eyes.
”It's only awkward if you want it to be-” I reason with him and can't ignore how differently I see him.
How my brain seems to observe everything about him under a poetic light. How his red hair is no longer a mob, but an angry cascade of lava waves that are dripping over his left eye. How his eyebrows are no longer thick lines of hair, but two passionate people, destined to be apart, yet always trying to reach out for each other in his distress. How his eyes are no longer just honey drops, but two golden galaxies revolving around two black holes.
The vibrancy this add to his features is breathtaking. And I don't want to tell him that.
Tobias has no idea what I'm thinking about and is nervous. ”I wasn't even that good-” He tries to tell me. ”Nothing was or is intimidating about me-” He shakes his head, and I'm confused as to why he's trying to convince me with something he isn't.
I found him great at it.
”I'm not intimidated-” I enunciate, gazing in his galaxies. ”I don't know why you think that what you did changes anything between us-”
Tobias draws his eyebrows and shakes his head. ”Oh, I might be just slightly anxious about it. I'm afraid it might've discomforted you-” He shrugs. ”I barely shared this with anyone-”
”Your talent's a secret?” I stare at him for a while, at his beaten, slightly slouched figure, and all I can see is a body, unemptied of its potential, unemptied of possibly, world-changing words. I look up at his bright face and click my tongue. ”If I were you, I'd show off-”
Tobias nods silently with a small smile, catching my eyes and letting out a deep breath as I wonder if those sturdy, big hands of his could've wrapped themselves around the universe and tried healing them...if they were still alive.
”Let's never speak of this again-” He says, and I agree despite how it was almost the best thing that happened here.
”Aight, Shakespeare-” I tease, and he fights a smile.
”Seriously?” He shakes his head and looks down. ”Please don't-”
”Okay, okay-” I say, lifting my hands in surrender. ”Let's -uh- ignore this and find the teachers' staffroom, right?” I smirk and mutter 'Shakspeare' to myself.
After a few beats of silence, Tobias and I find ourselves standing in front of a teachers' staffroom, with Benji in his arms and the phone and the charger in my hands. We glance at each other, and as soon as our eyes meet, we look away.
”We can't just open the door-” I tell him, staring at the door. ”Some teachers might be in there.”
As soon as those words leave my mouth, the door gets yanked open by a talking, old, blonde teacher in a scarlet skirt and a white, formal blouse. She smells like strong coffee and caramel toffee. Her head's still in the room as she continues her conversation inside.
I turn to Tobias who's standing straight by the door. Should I get bothered that I'm bothered by him not looking at me? By the time I'm done deciding that I should just glare at Tobias and scare him into looking at me, the teacher has left the staffroom.
I snap out of my haze to find Tobias holding the door wide open and finally looking at me.
”C'mon-” He urges, his eyes on the things in my hands. ”Before someone shuts it-”
I walk straight in and wrinkle my nose at the room's confusing stench. It's a mixture of coffee, strong perfume and food. There are only three teachers, two of them are arguing intensely about something, and the other is engrossed in correcting some books. I can't recognize any of them because they're probably primary teachers.
The room is quite spacious with small, wooden office desks pushed against the walls that are personally decorated by each teacher sitting in front of it. There are two printers with two personal computers, at either side of the room, and a table of refreshments with a kettle, in the middle of the room.
Tobias is standing close behind me, looking slightly intrigued.
”Hey, Roseline-” He calls me, and I'm surprised that even my name sounds different on his tongue. More poetic. More 'woah'.
I turn to Tobias with a soft 'huh', and he cocks his head toward the desktop computers with a smile. And I almost irrelevantly yell at him about how talented he actually is, and how he shouldn't feel/be awkward about it, but instead, I lift my eyebrows and incredulously ask,
”You want us to unplug a computer they could be working on?”
”Yeah, why not?” He asks, biting on his tongue, and I sigh.
”Why not?” I repeat. ”For two reasons really-” I purse my lips. ”One: I don't even know why we're doing this. Two: This just reminds me of the days I'd be working on a PC and decide to have a break, only to return to find it unplugged or to find my work lost.”
Tobias looks confused. ”Reason two is irrelevant-”
”I just had to say it-”
”Alright, alright-” Tobias approaches me. ”You're doing this because it's weird that Sierra has two phones, and because she doesn't like you for some ominous reason-”
”We don't know that-” I defend Sierra. ”We don't know if she doesn't like me-”
Tobias makes a face. ”You are very confusing, Roseline-” He shakes his head. ”You treat me terribly when I'm so nice to you, and you almost worship the very same girl who we watched fake her tears and sadness-”
I narrow my eyes at him. ”I knew her for eight years!” I whisper-yell at him for some reason. ”Not like...for a week-” Tobias lifts his eyebrows as if offended, and I fluster. ”I am nice to you!”
Tobias arches an eyebrow in my direction, and I suck in my cheeks.
”You're silly-” I say justifiably. ”Therefore, I'm gonna charge this phone just to prove you wrong-” I approach the PC, not failing to miss the ridiculous smile that blossoms on his face as he follows me.
I stare at the several wires and follow one with my eyes. Tobias comes next to me and accidentally drops a keyboard onto the floor with a loud clatter. I freeze, widen my eyes and whip my head in the teachers' directions who have stopped doing whatever they're doing just to stare at us and the fallen keyboard.
”Remember-” Tobias whispers. ”They can't see us-”
I roll my eyes, and the overweight, dark-skinned teacher who was checking the books turns to the teacher with a high blonde ponytail and obnoxious gum-chewing habits who was arguing a few seconds ago.
”Always happens when you use it, Candace-” The fat teacher says with a displeased face expression. ”Your twig arms can't even keep shit in place-”
”Stay out of it, Michelle-” She hotly replies back, and I look at Tobias with an amused smile.
He winks in response and unplugs the printer as the arguing continues/gets worse.
”Stay out of it?” Michelle apparently replies back. ”Who gets scolded when you break shit around, Candace? Who?”
”Excuse me? I don't break ish around-”
”You broke two mugs last week. Didn't she do that Dina?”
I suppress a chuckle and look at Tobias who seems to be deeply enjoying the trouble he's caused. Tobias has already plugged in the charger, and I immediately connect it to the phone. I then press the power button and release it.
”Michelle, I really don't remember-” I turn to find the quiet-looking, toothpick-thick, elegant teacher talking.
”See?” Candace pops her eyes at Michelle who seems not to be buying her shit.
”You fucking liar, you can't even admit you have a problem with holding things around-” Michelle cocks her neck.
”Michelle, I am not an effing liar, and I don't have such problems-” She waves at her colleague. ”My hands just shake sometimes-”
”The phone's waking up-” Tobias announces from next to me.
”You're just gonna leave them like that?” I tell him with a smirk, and he turns to examine the raging situation. Apparently, Candace has gotten up and emptied her water cup all over Michelle.