11 4.2: A Riddle For Two (1/2)
'we'll break our own hearts so that someone else can't'
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It has been almost half an hour since Tobias took the paper from me, and an hour since the clock hanging above the mantel is stuck on nine-thirty am (the time my parents and Aiden left for my 'funeral').
Basically, time seems to have stopped as I sit on the couch opposite to a lost-in-thought Tobias. And I wonder if it has really stopped or if the clock is simply malfunctioning.
Tobias suddenly looks up at me, and my heart halts for a second. ”The ink is smudged around the word 'three'-” He says soberly. ”Your ma was crying writing this.”
I push my head back against the couch and wearily rub my face. ”You've said this an hour ago-”
”What I'm tryna say is-” He shakes his head. ”This-” He lifts the piece of paper. ”-isn't something funny. It's something that made your ma cry. Which means that it's something personal. Which means that you have to try to figure it out with me.”
I sigh loudly.
Tobias looks back into the paper. ”I mean. It says a mother for three, and a mom for two. What the hell does that mean? The whole riddle is in those two lines.”
”Well, the three are obviously Aiden, Jacob, and me.”
Tobias nods. ”Well, that sounds just about right. But then-” Tobias looks away from the paper and leans toward me. ”She uses the word 'mom' for two-”
”That's what we call her. We call her 'Mom'-” I add, hoping it'll somehow open his mind. ”But we all call her that. I mean-” I shake my head. ”-sometimes Jake calls her Mamacita, but-” I smile. ”-I don't think that's relevant.”
Tobias looks confused. ”Mamacita?” He then shakes his head. ”I don't think she meant it literally-” Tobias then tilts his head. ”In fact, I believe that the term 'mom' is more affectionate than 'mother'-”
”A mom for two-”
Tobias narrows his eyes before straightening up and grinning. ”It's quite simple really. I just think that she was affectionate to two of you, and just a mother for one.”
My heart falters in my 'spiritual' chest. ”You're-” I lock Tobias' wide eyes. ”You're right. She always favoured the boys over me.”
Tobias nods, pursing his lips. ”Are you sure though?” He blinks. ”I mean, the rest of the riddle-”
”No, I'm sure-” I get up, and stand behind the couch he sat on so I can look at the paper. ”She then says she's lost in this game-”
”Of motherhood-” Tobias smiles. ”Yes, because she was bad for you-”
”Yes, and she wonders who the hell killed me!” I say the last part excitedly, forgetting the riddle's dark theme for a second.
Tobias turns his head to me, where I can see one of my black hairbands pushed up against his hair. ”Your ma blames herself for your death.”
I look up at the clock, and the second hand immediately starts to move.
”We've solved it,” I say.
Tobias stands up so he's facing me with the couch in between. ”I suppose.” He then tilts his head and looks at me like he wants to know something.
I sigh and click my tongue. ”My mom was awful to me. Dad too. They -uh- didn't care about me. They thought I was their black sheep. The dumbest. Shit like that. But I -uh- I got over it long back-”
”You got over it-” Tobias repeats what I said. ”Then why did you kill yourself-”
”Look, them being awful to me wasn't why I killed myself-” He looked in my eyes. ”It's just that- it's just the idea that they could've been there for me during my weakest...and only my weakest. I wanted nothing much from them. And yet they failed at that too. It kinda was my breaking point...one of my breaking points.”
Tobias' eyes look at me like they're sad. And, ”I'm sorry-”, is all he says.
I wave my hand dismissively and look away. ”I suppose we'll be at my funeral in no time now. We should hold on to each other.”
Tobias puts his arm forward and opens his hand. With a small sigh, I put my hand in his. The whole living room twirls around us with the clock in the middle.
And I don't fail to see how its time reverses.
...
Tobias and I stand in the centre of an empty church, on a crimson carpet, hands linked, and eyes wide.
The church is small, and plain, a nightmare, with high walls, old wooden benches, and translucent, coloured windows. My black casket is raised on some platform with red roses, and orchids emerging from around it.
It looks repulsive. I absolutely hate it. Absolutely mundane. I remove my hand from Tobias'.
Tobias looks down then up at my face. ”You look disturbed.”
”Why are we here?” I say, looking behind me where the church's door is wide open, and the greenery is glistening under the high sun.
”It's your funeral?” He shrugs.
I want to tell him how this is wrong. How we're unholy, and how this is supposedly a sacred place. How we stain this place, and how that seems okay.
”When will people start coming?” I ask instead as Tobias approaches my casket.
Tobias is so intrigued by what's inside the casket, he doesn't answer me. I roll my eyes and walk to him before peering inside the casket where I lay, looking pretty dead.
”You look beautiful-” Tobias whispers wide-eyed, and I lift my brows. Tobias glances at me and is surprised when he realizes we're too close before his head gets caught in a nod-shake fight. ”I mean- you're not like any -uh- dead peopl-person I've seen before-”
”Relax. They just put in some effort in applying makeup on a corpse-” I deadpan.
Tobias exhales, relieved, as his eyes roam around the place. He then absently drums his fingers against my casket, and I shake my head, then chuckle at how he won't meet my eyes. He looks at me, slightly amused and embarrassed.
”My corpse makes you nervous?” I ask and despite being all mighty with a supposedly wise, thirty-seven-year-old brain, he seems lost looking at me.
”No-” He breathes out with a nervous, hesitant smile. ”I just hope not to be misunderstood-”
”You're not-” I smile and frown at the same time. ”I mean, we're spirits trapped in a dimension that's made to forget us. I don't think it's possible to love or flirt or be 'misunderstood'-”
Tobias nods vigorously. ”I agree-”
”Yes-” I narrow my eyes at him and smile. ”Now let's get the hell outta here-”
”How?”
”Look, the doors are open, and I honestly don't want to attend a funeral where I know I'll find a fake-sad Sierra, an ashamed Mason, a wistful William, and a non-existent ex-boyfriend. Besides my favourite person won't attend it-” I refer to Jacob. ”So what's the point?”
”If that's what you want-” Tobias shrugs, his stare lingering on me.
”Yeah, but let's hold hands throughout because I wouldn't wanna lose you in another dimension-” I tell him, opening my hand.
Tobias holds my hand with a lifted brow. ”I think we're way past 'forced acquaintance'-”
”Keep mentioning it, and we'll fall way back to step one-”
Tobias shakes his head. ”I'd rather not-”
And then we walk right out of that ugly-ass church, and it's surprising we don't get sucked into the darkness.
It must be around ten in the morning because the sun is bright and high in the pale blue, clear sky. There's barely anyone walking around, so it's quiet too. Today is basically irritably perfect.
I, of course, cannot comment on the weather cause I can't feel it, but based on the people's choice of clothes, it must be warm. And it's not the sticky, awful warm, it's the breezy warm.
How do I know that? Well, my hair has been all over my face, making it tempting to take my headband that Tobias is wearing (he apparently stole it from my room, and I do find myself wondering if people can see a floating headband or it if has disappeared on him too.)
There are lots of massive trees with wide trunks all around the 'could-not-be-plainer' church with their leafy branches poking the huge blanket we call 'sky'. It is beautiful- hell, the leaves are a vivid, glistening green, full of life and the huge, tick roots dig into the ground, so strong and mighty. Nature here is basically everything I'm not; thus is essentially annoying. And also because, everything, everything is perfect and beautiful except for my sorry funeral.
”It's lovely here-” Tobias comments proudly.
I pout and walk down the clean pavement, ignoring the indeed exquisite plants that are on my sides.
”You really can't see the beauty in things, huh?” Tobias remarks, and I can hear the smile in his voice.
”It's all annoying-” I reply bluntly, momentarily shutting Tobias up.
”It's beautiful, but you insist on seeing things according to your feelings and thoughts-” He counters. ”Which are mostly negative according to a survey I've mentally made-” He says, and I look up at him.
”A survey?”