3 1.2: Tobias (1/2)
~it's a little too late . . . i'm a little too gone . . . a little too tired of just hanging on~
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I open my eyes as the odd feeling beyond my abdomen fades away and find myself surrounded by black everything. And I'm either lying -or uh, standing- peacefully in, uh, my grave? Or I might have simply levelled up and am now on a higher level of fucked-up-ness, aka hell.
I walk- my bad- I 'glide' (I think) cluelessly and grimly in the darkness, waiting for something to show up or any-damned-thing to happen. Maybe an ignited meteor to hit me in the head or any other vicious shit because that's how I imagined hell to be like. Molten lava coming out of every pore and burning my skin alive, torturing me for my heaps of sin.
But here, there aren't pores and my skin isn't burning. There's just blackity black wherever I look. I don't feel cold. I don't feel hot. I don't feel a thing. It's like hanging out with my literally naked spirit, and it really does freak me out.
I glide some more and wonder if I can pull off some ice-skating moves cause this is how moving here feels like. And it's probably because I can't feel my body's heaviness or my feet pressed against anything. It's like there are no directions. There isn't a left. There isn't a right. And there is neither up nor down.
Just nothing at all besides my aware spirit or whatever I am. And really I am terrified of the endless possibilities of what this is and there's nothing I can do about it. Because there are no distractions in the darkness that's eating me up. Nothing to look at and nothing to think about except for my mother's tears and dad's despondency.
”You're the hundredth person to kill themselves on the fifteenth of May-” A deep, manly voice says, and I stop, my 'spiritual heart' in my mouth. I straighten up (or at least I think I did) and look around in anticipation, hoping that anything, anything would show up.
”Excuse-” I mutter breathlessly and turn around one more time. And then a light so blinding, illuminating a boy's figure, no older than eighteen, appears right in front of me. I even have to shut my eyes.
I then slowly open my eyes and blink at him in surprise.
”Hello. I am Tobias.” He says, awkwardly shrugging one shoulder.
I am so stunned by how he looks like, I can't even answer. And it isn't because he has three eyes or because he looks handsome or anything like that. It's just that, wow, somebody is here with me. And that, no, I'm not stranded here alone.
Tobias is thin and tall (way taller than me) with red hair that floats around his big head and with very light and bright hazel eyes. His mouth is quirked up in a small, curious smile as I gulp nervously. He literally looks an animation movie character. And I'm certain that fear isn't an emotion I should associate with at the moment, because what's the worst thing that can happen?
I'm literally already dead, and fear, I believe, is for the living.
”Hello?” I say cautiously as I slowly approach him (I'm not sure if it's working or not. I'm not sure if we just have infinite space between us that can't be cut or not).
Tobias touches his nape and blinks at me. ”I haven't seen you before-” He gets closer to me and it seems to work!
”You're -uh- very bright-” I blurt out, my nerves kicking in. Who is he? And why am I talking to him? Why him? And how is it possible when I'm clearly fucking dead? What bloody hell is this?
”Am I?” He murmurs, stretching his arms in front of him, and stares at them. ”Really?”
”Seriously?” I interrupt irritably his staring session and he drops his arms to look at me. ”Why do you get light for yourself and I don't?” I ask, lifting the left corner of my upper lip. ”Do you have any idea how dark it is? What kind of bullshit is this?”
”I really have no say in this-” He clears his throat. ”Although, I can see you very well. Your light-” He tells me, lifting a hand toward me. ”You don't see your own light. I can't see mine either.”
I shake my head and purse my lips, noticing the absence of a lot of things that would usually be in any conversation. I can't feel his body's heat. I can't hear the rustle when his feet shuffle. I can't feel anything at all. It's like we're so cold, so unreal. Like characters in video games with uncoordinated movements and sounds.
”You've been here before? I mean, you reside here?” I ask and get closer to his amused figure, hoping I would catch on something. Anything. But it feels like we're galaxies apart. ”Do you-do you understand what this is?” I search his eyes for anything. ”Look, I-I believe that I was dead just a few minutes ago and was with my mom, and now-?” I clench my jaws and inhale shakily. ”And now, I'm here. And I'm trying not to lose my shit because I know, I know, it'd be pointless. But what is this 'thisness'?” I rant, waving my arms around and shaking my head desperately. ”Private Five Stars Hell for Suicides?”
Tobias looks confused by what I told him, but his eyes spark up with things to say. ”You still haven't seen a thing.” He says in realization. ”You're a newbie. And you need to calm down-”