Part 26 (1/2)
”Look here!” I said, rising to my feet. ”No one has asked me! I am determined to see this thing through to the finish as I want more than anything, whatever the cost, to rid myself of this accursed burden and walk straight!”
”Well done, Thingy!” applauded Conn. ”We're all behind you-”
But The Ancient had caught at my words-and I suspect that he had chosen them for me even as I spoke. I sat down again sharply. ”Whatever the cost?
Whatever-the-cost? Whatever?” His voice, heavy and pregnant with meaning, filled the sudden silence until there was no room for further thought. ”Think, oh think, my children of what I warned you, so long ago! You have forgotten, I believe, what I said . . .”
Yes, we had.
”I said then, and I repeat it most solemnly now: whatever we gain in this life must be paid for-”
”But we are about to give something back that we never asked for in the first place-”
He glared at me. ”Did I say different? So-you offer back your burdens, in return for what?”
”Freedom from pain,” I suggested. ”A straight back, mended wing, whole paw, open mouth, clear head-”
”And do you not think that these also must be paid for?” he thundered, rising to his feet and towering above us, his robe drawn close about him. For a breathless instant I caught a glimpse once more of a younger, sterner warrior, helmed and dour-faced. ”How can you have the presumption to imagine that life will then become a bed of mosses, free from trouble? The unicorn here has admitted that perhaps his motives have altered: can you be sure that you will not change also? All of you?”
”All right,” I said, and stood up again. ”Remind us. Tell us again of the cost we shall bear, that once before we said we could discount. Tell us what we have to lose, we who have nothing save pain and burden. What could possibly be worse than that?”
For a moment he glared at me, then slowly his hand came out to pat my head, very gently. ”Why, nothing but the loosing. That is it. The loosing not only of the burdens but also of the bonds . . . Come, sit down. And listen.”
He sat down by the fire and I followed suit, but immediately coughed at the crawling smoke. Almost abstractedly the old man waved his hand and the smoke gathered itself up from the floor, formed a wavery pillar and found the roof-exit.
”That's better . . . Listen well, my children, for I shall say this just once more.”
He turned to me. ”You said just now 'We have nothing but burden and pain . .
.' Now, is that entirely true?” I opened my mouth, but he waved me to silence.
”None of your silly remarks now about being alive, food in your belly, clothes . . . Think, child, think! Look about you . . .”
”What I think he means, dear one,” said Moglet, crawling onto my lap, ”is that we have each other. That we all belong together, after our quest more than ever. That we love each other. That we have been through so much, shared so much, that we are more like one than five.”
”O wise kitten,” said The Ancient softly.
”And not just five,” said Conn, smiling and leaning over to tickle Moglet's ears. ”For have we not, the unicorn and I, shared your travels?”
”I like that,” said Puddy ruminatively, a couple of sentences behind. ”The seven who are one . . . Yes.”
”Mmmm,” said Corby. ”Not bad; never thought of it that way meself. But now as you comes to mention it . . .”
”Comrades.h.i.+p,” said Pisky, bubbling happily, ”is one of the finest gifts one can ever expect, my great-great-grandmother used to say. When I was swimming around in shoals with my brothers and sisters and cousins and second cousins and half-brothers and half-sisters and-”
I dipped my little finger in his bowl. ”Yes, dear one, it is.” I was ashamed.
When I had spoken so carelessly a few minutes ago, I had not really meant to sound callous and unthinking. I knew that I loved my companions and that they loved me, but I had been with the idea so long, took it so much for granted, that it was as much a part of me now as-as my mask. As night and day. As loving Conn, in a way that was not quite the same as loving the others .
”So you have all this,” said the old man, no doubt reading my mind, ”and you have your burdens. To you these burdens are your greatest handicap, the one thing you wish to be rid of-and once rid, you will be happy?”
”Of course!”
”And once Sir Knight has his sword and the unicorn his horn-then you will all be happy and all your problems will be solved?”
”Well, you know now that I shall be pitifully sorry to say goodbye to my friends, but I shall need to find my way to some indulgent duke or princeling who needs a mercenary-” Conn scowled suddenly. I reckoned he had remembered his armour again.
”And I can join my kindred again,” said Snowy. ”Or not . . . At least I shall have the choice . . .” There seemed to be more to this than I understood, but I could see The Ancient did.
”And we,” I nodded at my friends, ”must find somewhere to live, and the means of livelihood too . . .” I had not seriously considered this before. I supposed I could work at something to keep us all going, but what? Perhaps we could build a little cottage somewhere in the woods and grow our own produce and-and Moglet could catch mice and Puddy and Corby and Pisky would be all right, and I could gather mushrooms . . . No point in working it out in too much detail now. Getting rid of our burdens was the most important thing. It was! I could see the others were following my thought processes and agreeing, but- The Ancient threw some powdery stuff on the fire and of a sudden it flared blue and a strange, sweet smell stole into-our noses, I was going to say, but it was more like our minds, and the perfume acted like a dousing of cold water, waking us up, sharpening what little wits we had, and I suddenly realized what he had been trying to say.
”The loosing? You are telling us that when-when we are whole again, we shall be so busy being ourselves again-real animals and people-that we shall not need each other anymore? That we shall be happy to split up, each to go his own way?” I knew we should lose Snowy and that I should never see my beloved Conn again, but the others? ”Rubbis.h.!.+ We shall always want to be together, shan't we?”
They all agreed. Of course . . .
”And the forgotten years?” came the creaky, inexorable voice. ”The years you have all forgotten? How long do you think you were with the witch? Now, you live in an enchantment of arrested and forgotten time: what happens when your memories return? And how old will you be? Were you with her five minutes, two days, six months, seven years? That time will have to be paid for, you know: soon, if all goes well, you will be as old as you really are. And those years will have gone and you will be left with what remains of your normal span-”
”Golden king-carp live for fifty years and more,” said Pisky bravely, but his voice was smaller than usual. ”My great-aunt on my father's side said her great-great-great-grandfather was over eighty . . .”
”Cats have nine lives-”
”Crows don't do so badly, neither!”
”And toads are noted for their longevity . . .”
”And I,” I said slowly, ”don't know how old I am, but I don't think it matters.
And I don't think I have anything to go back to either. There is only forwards .
. . Oh, why do you have to muddle us so!” I turned on The Ancient in a fury.
”I'd never have thought about all this, but for you!”
”But you had to! You must not believe that just because your burdens are removed all your problems will be solved! You must not think that life will then be yours to do with as you will! I have to warn you-and not only you five jewel-bearers, but the knight and the unicorn too! You think that all your dreams will come true, just as you have planned, and it may not be so!”
”I don't care!” I turned to the others. ”Just as we are so near our goal, just as we are about to realize our dearest wishes-don't listen to his gloomy forecasts! After all we have been through-” I turned back to our tormentor ”-you don't think we will just give up, do you?”
”No. I did not expect it for one instant. I only wanted to remind you not to expect things to turn out exactly as you planned.” He smiled brilliantly, and his face was transformed. ”Thank the G.o.ds that you are all children of Earth!
Yes, even you at times, my friend.” He nodded at Snowy. ”The world will never die when there are brave idiots such as you.” He smiled. ”Just remember that you always have a choice . . . And now, my children, my weary travellers, I will give you all one more thing to counter all that wearisome advice.” He waved his hands and the lights in the wayward fire turned rose and green and violet and gold and we fell asleep in a moment, just where we were, and slept dreamlessly and deep.
And, in the morning when we awoke, he was gone.
The Binding: All
The Black Mountain