Part 69 (1/2)

”Has one of you ever been there?” said Raphael, rising in excitement.

”G.o.d forbid!” said the chorus.

”Well, I have, and it's a lie,” said Raphael. His arms whirled round to the discomfort of the Committee.

”You ought not to have gone there,” said Schlesinger severely. ”Besides, will you deny they have the organ in their Sabbath services?”

”No, I won't!”

”Well, then!” said De Haan, triumphantly. ”If they are capable of that, they are capable of any wickedness. Orthodox people can have nothing to do with them.”

”But orthodox immigrants take their money,” said Raphael.

”Their money is _kosher_', they are _tripha_,” said De Haan sententiously. ”Page 7, now we get to the most dreadful thing of all!” A solemn silence fell on the room, Pinchas sn.i.g.g.e.red un.o.btrusively.

”You have a little article headed, 'Talmudic Tales.' Why in heaven's name you couldn't have finished the column with bits of news I don't know. Satan himself must have put the thought into your head. Just at the end of the paper, too! For I can't reckon page 8, which is simply our own advertis.e.m.e.nt.”

”I thought it would be amusing,” said Raphael.

”Amusing! If you had simply told the tales, it might have been. But look how you introduce them! 'These amusing tales occur in the fifth chapter of Baba Bathra, and are related by Rabbi Bar Bar Channah. Our readers will see that they are parables or allegories rather than actual facts.'”

”But do you mean to say you look upon them as facts?” cried Raphael, sawing the air wildly and pacing about on the toes of the Committee.

”Surely!” said De Haan, while a low growl at his blasphemous doubts ran along the lips of the Committee.

”Was it treacherously to undermine Judaism that you so eagerly offered to edit for nothing?” said the furniture-dealer who was always failing.

”But listen here!” cried Raphael, exasperated. ”Harmez, the son of Lilith, a demon, saddled two mules and made them stand on opposite sides of the River Doneg. He then jumped from the back of one to that of the other. He had, at the time, a cup of wine in each hand, and as he jumped, he threw the wine from each cup into the other without spilling a drop, although a hurricane was blowing at the time. When the King of demons heard that Harmez had been thus showing off to mortals, he slew him. Does any of you believe that?”

”Vould our Sages (their memories for a blessing) put anything into the Talmud that vasn't true?” queried Sugarman. ”Ve know there are demons because it stands that Solomon knew their language.”

”But then, what about this?” pursued Raphael. ”'I saw a frog which was as big as the district of Akra Hagronia. A sea-monster came and swallowed the frog, and a raven came and ate the sea-monster. The raven then went and perched on a tree' Consider how strong that tree must have been. R. Papa ben Samuel remarks, 'Had I not been present, I should not have believed it.' Doesn't this appendix about ben Samuel show that it was never meant to be taken seriously?”

”It has some high meaning we do not understand in these degenerate times,” said Guedalyah the greengrocer. ”It is not for our paper to weaken faith in the Talmud.”

”Hear, hear!” said De Haan, while ”_Epikouros_” rumbled through the air, like distant thunder.

”Didn't I say an Englishman could never master the Talmud?” Sugarman asked in triumph.

This reminder of Raphael's congenital incompetence softened their minds towards him, so that when he straightway resigned his editors.h.i.+p, their self-const.i.tuted spokesman besought him to remain. Perhaps they remembered, too, that he was cheap.

”But we must all edit the paper,” said De Haan enthusiastically, when peace was re-established. ”We must have meetings every day and every article must he read aloud before it is printed.”

Little Sampson winked cynically, pa.s.sing his hand pensively through his thick tangled locks, but Raphael saw no objection to the arrangement. As before, he felt his own impracticability borne in upon him, and he decided to sacrifice himself for the Cause as far as conscience permitted. Excessive as it was the zeal of these men, it was after all in the true groove. His annoyance returned for a while, however, when Sugarman the _Shadchan_ seized the auspicious moment of restored amity to inquire insinuatingly if his sister was engaged. Pinchas and little Sampson went down the stairs, quivering with noiseless laughter, which became boisterous when they reached the street. Pinchas was in high feather.

”The fool-men!” he said, as he led the sub-editor into a public-house and regaled him on stout and sandwiches. ”They believe any _Narrischkeit_. I and you are the only two sensible Jews in England. You vill see that my poesie goes in next week--promise me that! To your life!” here they touched gla.s.ses. ”Ah, it is beautiful poesie. Such high tragic ideas! You vill kiss me when you read them!” He laughed in childish light-heartedness. ”Perhaps I write you a comic opera for your company--_hein_? Already I love you like a brother. Another gla.s.s stout?

Bring us two more, thou Hebe of the hops-nectar. You have seen my comedy 'The Hornet of Judah'--No?--Ah, she vas a great comedy, Sampson. All London talked of her. She has been translated into every tongue. Perhaps I play in your company. I am a great actor--_hein_? You know not my forte is voman's parts--I make myself so lovely complexion vith red paint, I fall in love vith me.” He sn.i.g.g.e.red over his stout. ”The Redacteur vill not redact long, _hein_?” he said presently. ”He is a fool-man. If he work for nothing they think that is what he is worth.

They are orthodox, he, he!”