Part 25 (1/2)
Margie crossed her arms, shaking her head.
I dropped mine, ashamed that I'd even come from such a woman. Not that I didn't already know she could be selfish, but I didn't think she'd land a blow that low-especially towards a woman so nice.
”You mom has her qualities. Like you said, she isn't all bad. But... like I said. She will always put herself first, even before her own child.”
I was saddened to hear about Mom's true colors, and the more and more I thought on it, the more I realized how glad I was that Margie was around and my mother wasn't. Margie deserved my dad, and he deserved her. He deserved a woman that gave instead of someone that just took, s.n.a.t.c.hed, and then ran with his heart and soul. Margie patiently swept up the pieces, restoring his happiness.
I talked to Margie a lot, more about myself and my situation with Theodore than anything else. Unfortunately, Sterling was still around when I filled Margie in on my hectic taboo ordeal. High school students were out for summer break, which gave him ample time to work from home. He worked a lot at the desk in the den, but I didn't realize that was his place of peace until I told Margie all about my complications. He was only a room away.
That night, about two hours after I asked her what I should do, Sterling came up to my room. He knocked first, which I was glad for. When he stepped in, I drew my knees to my chest, swallowing hard as he shut the door behind him. I was a little terrified of this guy. All I got from him the past two and a half weeks were odd stares and weird vibes.
Before he made it too far, he held his hands up in the air innocently. ”You don't have to be scared of me, you know?”
”You weird me out,” I admitted.
He laughed, finding my rapid response funny. ”I... have a bad habit of not being able to express myself. I can be very... weird, as you put it.”
Ya think?
I shrugged.
”Listen, um... I heard you talking to my mom in the kitchen. I know, I know, I shouldn't have been eavesdropping again,”-he held his hands up as I started to tell him off-”but I was in the den, and lately I've been a little worried about you.”
”About me?” I narrowed my brows, releasing my legs. ”Why would you be worried about me? You hardly even know me.”
”Well, see, it's weird 'cause I feel like I know a lot about you. All my mom ever does is talk about you. She's always wanted a girl. You're good to her. Sweet to her. She loves that you don't act like the average female your age.”
Something about the way he said that made a few parts of me soften. It could have been the kindness in his voice or how his mouth twitched to fight a smile. I realized then that Sterling was no creep. He was just a man that wasn't sure how to take me. He didn't understand me or why I did the things I did, but he never bothered bringing it up again.
When I thought of it, I actually appreciated him for not telling anyone about Theo coming through my window-especially Margie. Maybe he wasn't so much of a weirdo after all.
I eased up a little, shoulders dropping, but he stayed in the same place. I noticed then that he had a tattoo on his shoulder. It looked familiar, then I noticed it was an exact replica of the tattoo Theo had below his collarbone. A jagged looking U. The Union.
Holy... f.u.c.king... s.h.i.+t.
He saw where my eyes landed, and he covered it. ”You know about this?”
I pretended I didn't. ”Nah. What's it mean?” I asked, brows creased. I pushed off the bed, walking towards him.
His Adam's apple bobbed. ”It's stands for the Union. It was a... gang I was in when I was younger. I've changed.”
”Yeah,” I sighed. ”I see that.”
”You know, it kinda hurt my feelings when you called me a creep the other week,” he teased, chuckling.
My mouth twitched, but I couldn't fight my smile. ”I'm sorry... you were just really, really starting to weird me out. Why do you watch me swim?”
”I used to swim a lot.”
I was surprised to hear that. Margie never mentioned he was a swimmer. ”I took up the hobby after college. The water was soothing. I loved how it felt going through my hair, surrounding me.” He shrugged. ”Used to have a really bad temper. I'm ten times better than who I used to be. I don't swim as much now since I work so much, but when I get the chance, it's amazing.”
”Swimming helps me relax too.” I stepped back.
He blinked twice before looking me straight in the eyes. ”Do you love that man over there?”
It was my turn to blink as if I were clueless. ”Who? Theo?”
”I a.s.sume that's his name.” Sterling smirked.
I sat back down, blowing a breath. ”I... do. He means a lot to me.”
”How long have you known him?”
”Since I was twelve.”
Sterling's eyes went wide. ”He's been hitting on you ever since you were twelve? Sounds like a f.u.c.king pervert.”
”No, he was not hitting on me since I was twelve. I was nineteen when we actually... did something. But by that time, he was really spiraling, and he was no longer married.” I remembered that night clearly. I would never forget it. I sighed.
”I guess I can't blame you. I know the feeling.”
My face warped with confusion. ”Of what?”
”Of falling in love with someone you know you can't have. Someone older... a generation or two ahead of you.”
My heart pitter-pattered, the beats light, but blood whooshed in my ears. Sterling rubbed the back of his neck, eyes avoiding mine. And then I saw it... s.h.i.+t. All this time I thought Margie was the one that had fallen for an older man-a forbidden lover-but it was her son who'd fallen for the older lover. Sterling had obviously told his mother everything. No wonder she knew so much, and no wonder she could sympathize.
”Maybe now you can see why I've been kinda worried about you. I know how hard it is to let that go-to move on. It's hard to think about, especially when it's mutual. You know, my mom kinda told me the man was also your best friend's dad. She had no right to tell me, but it was one of those days where she couldn't stop talking... and I kinda forced it out of her.”
d.a.m.n it, Margie! I s.n.a.t.c.hed my gaze away.
Sterling stepped forward. ”You don't have to feel ashamed, alright?” I looked up, and he was still watching me. ”Trust me, I understand your struggle. I have no room to judge anyone on this G.o.d green earth.”
”Hmm.” I wasn't sure what else to say.
”Hey-can I tell you a story? I think you'd be interested. It's pretty similar to what you're going through.” He put on a friendly smile, and surprisingly, the lopsided curve of his mouth intrigued me. I wanted to know his story. I wanted to know what he did to come out of his taboo affair.
”Sure.” I scooted towards the edge of my bed.
Turning only a fraction, he grabbed my pink chair and pulled it to the center of the room, near my bed. He sat down, folding his fingers in front of him, his elbows on top of his thighs.
”So, when I was twenty, I joined this gang called the Union. The craziest, wildest time of my life... but that only lasted for a little while. They make you do some pretty crazy s.h.i.+t. A gang like that attracted nave, young-minded men like me. Especially young men that had been abused, neglected, or abandoned. My dad used to hit me and my mom when-well, you know. I'm sure you can put two and two together.” His smile was uneasy.
Wow. That explained so much, not only with him, but with Margie as well.
”Anyway, The Union doesn't believe in true love,” he told me. ”They think women were put on this earth for them to f.u.c.k and have their babies, but they don't think love is necessary to the life they live. I didn't understand why they didn't believe in love, and I hated they didn't because I was falling in love with someone. It was natural and real and extremely hard to ignore or avoid. I knew the Union would never understand or accept it, so I kept my love a secret. I never wanted them to find out.” Sterling looked down, his breathing going heavy. ”I... uh...” He struggled with a smile and a frown. ”s.h.i.+t, I don't even know why I feel so comfortable telling you this, but she was a great woman. I worked with her often. I was surprised she gave me a job. I guess she knew I needed it. And she was kind enough to give me a chance.